Family Pride’s Blog

As noted in the Family Pride panel discussion, “The Personal and Political,” held Sunday, July 8 on the R Family July 2007 Cruise, it takes everyday people doing everyday things to bring full equality to all loving families. As a member of the Family Pride team, part of my job is organizing LGBTQ parents and allies to take action. Part of my job is also to build lasting, meaningful relationships with the other “full-time” activists in our community who make this work possible, too.

It’s not often that I get to have breakfast with leading family advocates from three of the four corners of the States. The R Family Cruise gave me that chance, since it’s such a wonderful draw for our families–a place to gather, share, rest, relax, learn and grow as a community. On this summer’s cruise we had more leading advocates than ever before: Arielle Rosen, Family Services Manager at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center; Marci Bair, Program Coordinator for San Diego Family Matters; Kathy Kelly, Executive Director of the MEGA Family Project in Greater Atlanta; and Terry Boggis, Director of Center Kids at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center of NYC.

I have and continue to work with all of these fine folks on issues that matter most to LGBTQ-headed families: safe schools, access to information on family creation; marriage equality and relationship recognition; fair adoption; and more. But I don’t often get to strategize about how we as national, state and local leaders can pool our resources and make even greater change. We had a great time at our breakfast meeting, visioning how we could reach equality for families like yours even sooner than we thought. We talked especially about how to better educate our own community and others on the many ways race, ethnicity and national origin relate to and affect our families. We’re excited to partner together to create programming and resources on these topics in the near future. And we also spoke about developing local leaders outside of the “paid few.” We have hundreds of local parents group leaders and others around the country who have varying levels of experience and expertise and we want to spread our resources more effectively to those folks, giving the most experienced in our community the opportunity to share knowledge, tips and skills with those just starting out.

And even though it was AMAZING to spend this time with Arielle, Kathy, Terry and Marci, the week just wouldn’t have been the same if it had all been about those of us who already know each other meeting over pancakes and eggs! I LOVED meeting parents and families I’d seen before and especially those I’d never seen. I heard so many inspiring stories (both good and bad) that reinvigorate me in the work I do. As I head back to the office Monday, I’ll be thinking about the difficulties of family surrogate situations, where the birth mother changes her mind. I’ll be thinking about international adoptions that almost fall through and the worry that causes for prospective parents. And I’ll be thinking about the many high school aged children of LGBTQ parents who daily balance both the normal, everyday love and drama of being in a “regular” family with their added burden of explaining and defending themselves to others.

So my thanks, again, to all of you who came on the boat for sharing your time and your stories with me and the Family Pride staff. And a special thanks to the visionaries of R Family–Rosie and Kelli O’Donnell and Gregg Kaminsky! What a great gift you’ve given us.

And now if I could just shake these sea legs of mine…

Happy Sunday, everyone!
Dustin

(This post was written by Sara Leckey and intended to be uploaded yesterday evening, but due to technical difficulties that didn’t occur. So wind your mental clocks back a day and read on.)

It’s my vacation theory that you can tell when it is time to leave by how wrecked your room has become. My cabin looks as if the entire contents of my luggage emptied itself out and decided to party all over the place. That’s how I knew it was time to reminisce about the cruise.

I thought I would give you my top 3 moments (there were so so many to choose from– in fact sometimes it’s hard to tell that I have ever been anywhere but this ship). Here they are, but keep in mind I probably could have had a top 25 list.

1. The Teen Panel held today. There were panelist ranging in age from 11 to 22 and all had different family stories, experiences, and wisdom to pass on — both to other youth in the audience and to all of the adults present. It was a learning experience and it caused audience members to tear up (including me).

2. Watching the sunset over Key West. After spending a day melting in the sun, seeing the southern most point of the United States, and eating key lime sorbet, I came back on the ship to a surprisingly cool evening. From the top of the boat (deck 12) I watched the sunset and saw people gather around for fire throwing (what?! fire throwing is scary, I like watching from a distance so a stray torch doesn’t accidentally hit me).

3. Toddler time hosted by Family Pride (I know, it sounds like I’m making it up — who knew playing with other people’s toddlers could brighten your day?). They played with balloon animals, parachutes (remember the game “sharks” where you get pulled under the parachute — whoever made that up deserves a hug), markers, and a plethora of other toys. Most importantly all of the parents, guardians and allies in the room were able to play with kids while connecting with each other.

Not to mention, the small children sang happy birthday to me (yes, it is my birthday). Is there anything cuter than kids under four singing happy birthday to you? The answer is no.

This post was written by Sara.

Okay, I’ll admit it, I didn’t make it to the island during the daylight hours, but by the line of families I saw getting back on the boat in time for dinner (with sand toys, buckets, shovels and towels — oh my, how much fun is the beach) the island seemed to be quite the hot spot. According to Lisa, the water was brilliantly clear and was made even more enjoyable by the intensely beating Bahamas sun (legitimately, my Minnesota raised self couldn’t be out in direct sunlight for more than an hour before I thought I was going to melt into a puddle on deck 12).

While people may have played, relaxed and gone wave jumping during the day, I maintain that watching the sun go down while riding the tender (for those of you, like me, who don’t know ship lanuage — the tender is a small boat that scurried back and forth from the island to the cruise ship) and all that happened thereafter was the most heartwarming and all out fun part of the trip.

Picture this — look out on a private island entirely full of lights and then step into sand you can sink into. There are video screens, torches, palm trees swaying, hammocks, kids tossing around beach balls — all generously donated by Volvo!– and the sand dance floor is totally full. Dancing the night away with LGBTQ-headed families, allies, and extended family members — to fabulous music i might add–reminded me why we do the work we do. All families should be able to step out on a dance floor (or a beach) and show their love while rocking out to Whitney Houston, Kelly Clarkson or Beyonce.

As a side note Volvo has been an amazing sponsor both on the cruise and to Family Pride. In addition to donating all of the beach balls for the island tonight at 7:30 pm they are raffling off a 2-year lease for one of Volvo’s top- of-the-line luxury SUV, the Volvo XC90. This is the third year Volvo has been a sponsor of the cruise — so let’s remember to thank them for their support of R Family Vacations and Family Pride!

Well, I’m back from Key West–well-rested and rinsed of sunscreen! I wanted to finish telling the story of our trip down. Let’s start with the list of who was there (and by there I mean on the bus):

Jennifer Chrisler, Executive Director of Family Pride; her spouse, former Massachusetts State Senator Cheryl Jacques; their twins, Tim and Tom; Cheryl’s parents, Norman and Eleanor; Cheryl’s brother, Tom, and his friend, Brad; former Massachusetts State Senator Jarrett Barrios, his partner Doug, and their two sons; Family Pride staff members (Kent Peacock, A. Charlene Leach and I); Arielle Rosen, Family Services Manager from the LA Gay and Lesbian Center; a lesbian couple from Massachusetts, the names of which I can’t recall (don’t worry, they told me they’d forget my names, too); and a group of guys looking for a gay-friendly but not gay-crazy cruise (not everyone on the r family cruises is partnered with kids).

What a bunch! With all the political muscle on that bus you’d think we talked shop the whole way down. No, no–that bus left far too early in the morning for all that. As Arielle said to me, upon seeing me for the first time since February when I trained families through our OUTSpoken program at the LAGLC, “In case you didn’t know, this is a sleeping bus.”

Well, it wasn’t quite that, but we did keep conversation light. Until the tire blew, that is.

We all felt the tip and grind of the bus swaying over to the left, into traffic. Luckily, the bus driver kept things straight (so to speak). Tim, the more anxious of Jenn and Cheryl’s twins, yelled out from the back, “Slow down! Slow down! The tire’s GOONNEE! SLOWW DOWWWN!”

We pulled off at a Dunkin Donuts and waited for our rescue. It came in the form of a slightly smaller, duplicate bus, with literally just enough seats for the 21 of us. I called Sara Leckey, our Development Associate and, as I mentioned last time, my new roommate in Boston. She’d gone down to New York early to visit friends again (she does that a lot) and hadn’t had to get up at the crack of dawn like the rest of us, so I figured she deserved a little teasing.

I told her that our bus’s engine had blown, that we definitely weren’t making it to the cruise, and that she, alone, would have to board and manage our many days of programming. She didn’t believe me until Jenn grabbed the phone and took my lead, building the story up. Jenn, of course, speaks with more authority than I do, so when she started telling Sara the names of r family vacations staff members Sara would have to seek out once she got on the boat, Sara shifted gears–into panic mode.

Well, I got back the phone and told Sara I’d call her in a bit to give her an update. Right now we’re just hoping to get out of the Dunkin Donuts parking lot, I said. Fifteen minutes later I gave her a call and asked, “Hey, Sara, is there such a thing as a July Fool’s?”

We’re shoving off again so I’m going to go check it out. It’s always fun to feel the boat start to slip out of port, the horn’s shaking the deck. More to come on this story later–it’s not quite done!

(This entry was written by Kent Peacock, Office Manager for Family Pride)

The word of the day was sunscreen. Yesterday afternoon the Family Pride staff ventured off the boat into the beating sun of Key West, Florida. For those who don’t know me yet–let me explain that I am about as Nordic as they come (see photo here). I have blond, blond hair, blue eyes, very pale skin. So today was a day of application and re-application. I say this by way of introduction–not to put a damper on our day’s experience

We got off the boat to pride flags & banners, welcoming the ship and the r family vacations crowd. The citizens of Key West were happy to see us, as always. The staff headed over to Duval Street, stepping in and out of airconditioned shops for ice cream, key lime slushes, and gelato. We took Duval all the way down to the water and the southernmost tip of the United States (about a 30 minute trek in the blazing, blazing sun), just about 90 miles from Cuba.

For those who haven’t been to Key West, it is a place like no other: big, gorgeous old houses with wrap around porches, palm trees, pride flags everywhere, conch shells, and roaming chickens and roosters! It was great to be in a place that was so welcoming of our families.

But I have to say I’m glad to be out of the sun–for now. My teammates won’t let me stay inside, safe from the blinding rays. They don’t suffer lobster disease like I do–turning red after a minute too long out of shade.

Hey All,

As of 2pm EST today, we’re docked at the port in Key West and families are gearing up for an afternoon of LGBTQ-friendly fun in town. Some of the Family Pride staff and I are venturing off the boat, in part to do some work. It’s hard for us nonprofit people to be without a Kinkos for a day or two, so we scoped one out. Oh the joyous sounds of copy machines…

Luis, an avid commentor on the Family Pride Blog, has suggested that we post photos from the cruise as we update. That’s a fantastic idea and one that we’ve considered, but the trick is that the Internet connection on the cruise is a bit slow (you know, us being out at sea and all). It might take a lifetime to get pictures posted, so unless we hatch a master plan, we’re going to wait until the cruise is over and create a retrospective for you.

We have some great photos–ones I’m already planning to go up on my walls at home. I hope you’ll all check back to hear more about our trip down and the fun and educational work we’re doing on the cruise. It’s a full week, but we’re commited to taking time to let those of you not on the cruise what’s happening here. It’s a great community builder–the r family cruise. Each day we’re even more grateful for the strong relationship between r family vacations and Family Pride as we continue to partner to bring both advocacy and entertainment to our families!

Time to pack a bag for Key West. Talk to you later!

(This entry was posted by Lisa Bahr, former Program & Education Associate and current cruise volunteer!)

It’s sunny, it’s bittersweet, and it’s completely fantastic! This is my first cruise. I spent Day 1 navigating my way around this colossus of a boat. I started to feel a bit seasick, so I took some pill the front desk graciously provided. Day 2 I spent in a sleepy haze, the after-effect of the seasickness medication. I’m feeling better now, but it is a little unnerving being able to feel the boat rock back and forth.

Thank goodness that yesterday morning we came back to land and docked at Port Canaveral, near the space station! Dustin, Sara and I spent the early afternoon basking in the sun and splashing in the waves at Cocoa Beach. While there, I witnessed a teachable moment that reminded me once again how important it is that LGBTQ people share their personal stories with strangers.

A lesbian couple had parked their towels next to ours and behind a family of a mom, dad and three kids. Soon, the mom started chatting to the couple about her family. She joked, “Number three was a surprise. Trust me, you girls need to be careful. Unexpected pregnancy is rough!”

The couple glanced at each other, and one said, “The cost of getting pregnant is expensive for us.” Thus began a conversation between the two families about the expense of insemination and the hardships of being same-sex parents. Through sharing their story, the lesbian couple was able to enlighten and educate. Now, when that mom and dad go vote, it is going to be that couple on Cocoa Beach that is in the back of their minds.

Now we’re back at sea and heading for Key West. I know we’re all excited to get on shore again and explore. In the meantime, I’m going to go back to enjoying the morning sun and helping out wherever I can. In fact, I see Dustin across the way, waving me over. Duty calls.

There’s nothing like a week in which you pack up your whole life, move to a new city, open a new office, and ready yourself for your first cruise ever! Friday, June 29, the Family Pride staff taped up the last boxes in the DC office that needed to be shipped up to 41 Winter Street, our new digs in downtown Boston. And we opened those same boxes in our fourth floor office near Boston Common bright and early Monday morning!

Now we’re sitting pretty on the r family vacations summer 2007 cruise, but that’s getting ahead of the story. Here’s how we got through last week, and how we ended up where we are today:

Heading out Saturday morning, I drove up from DC to Boston in my car, with Sara Leckey, Development Associate at Family Pride, in tow. (Actually she was in the seat beside me, but I digress…) As any good Family Pride staffer would, Sara and I maximized the moving experience by taking the opportunity to stop off over night in Brooklyn and visit friends. She and I started working at Family Pride on the same day over a year ago (we like to call it our “workiversary”) and have grown quite close since then–thus it only made sense that we would move in together once we shifted from DC to Boston. By Tuesday night of last week, our apartment in nearby Somerville was mostly unpacked (if not a little bare). And the office–well that’s another story entirely.

As many of you know, we lost phone service in both DC and Boston when we opened the new office–a fluke of expansion. The same can be said for our Internet connection and–shh, don’t tell anyone–we had to steal wireless signals from our neighbors all last week just to get by. It’s like the nonprofit equivalent of roughing it while camping in the woods. But we knew there were only so many problems we could fix, printers we could set up, and photos of your families we could tack up on our walls; we had to prepare ourselves for the fastly approaching r family cruise!

Just a week after I left my house in DC for good, I woke up at the crack of down–literally, 5:30am–to drive around Boston picking up Family Pride staff members to deliver them to Jennifer Chrisler’s new home in Newton, MA. Jenn had arranged for a shuttle bus to take the staff and some lucky others to the port on New York City’s West Side. The drive is 4.5 hours long. We left promptly at 8am and needed to get there around 1pm. Danger, apparently, is our middle name.

It was a morning of intense hustle and bustle as we loaded everyone onto the bus. And $130 in parking tickets later (Somerville isn’t very forgiving of new residents without time to get their parking stickers), I was more than happy to leave my car in Jenn’s driveway, safe for a week from overzealous meter maids.

The bus ride was eventful, to say the least, especially since it almost cost us the cruise, but I can’t write about that now. We’ve got a late-night staff meeting planned and if I don’t run now I’ll be late. Check back tomorrow morning. I’ll finish this story soon!

My name is Rachel Farr and I am working for Family Pride as a research fellow this summer. The idea is that I will help to organize the results of past and present research of LGBTQ families and summarize articles published on this research. The goal is to have these results and summaries accessible to the public on Family Pride’s website through a database and search engine. I am very excited to be working on this important project!

In addition to working with Family Pride, I am a graduate student at the University of Virginia in the Developmental Psychology Ph.D. program where I work with Dr. Charlotte Patterson. We are currently involved in an adoptive families project based in the D.C. area that includes same-sex and opposite-sex parenting couples.

Before moving to Charlottesville, I spent lots of time in New York State. I grew up in upstate New York, and then attended Cornell University in Ithaca for undergraduate and graduate school. Following my masters degree in teaching, I taught high school biology for a year in Rochester.

During my years at Cornell, I became very involved in LGBTQ student activities. I was a student leader in Haven (Cornell’s umbrella LGBTQ organization), and I helped plan and organize numerous events. I also facilitated a weekly support and discussion group for women. I continue to be involved at UVA, where I serve on the operating board of the LGBTQ Resource Center and help to lead the Queer Grads group and a women’s social group.

I will be posting blogs periodically throughout the next few months to give updates on the research database project, so stay tuned! I am looking forward to a great summer with Family Pride!

A year and a half ago, Kim Lang joined the Family Pride team as the first full-time Development Associate. Since then, with the help of Kim, Family Pride has grown by leaps and bounds; she cultivated our major donor program, expanded our foundation contributions and co-created our eStrategy (with yours truly). It is with a heavy heart that we say farewell to Kim as she opens the next chapter of her life.

We celebrated last day together with half-smokes (a DC favorite!) and chocolate cake. Thank you, Kim for all your amazing contributions and, above all, for being a great friend.

Kim will be the Online Outreach Manager at the Environmental Working Group. Good luck, Kim. We’ll miss you!