Family Pride’s Blog

I’m happy to report that 35 more people are now trained to tell their stories, stand up and be OUTSpoken!

This weekend, my fellow Program & Education Associate Ariana Flores and I traveled to Minneapolis, MN to conduct our 15th in-person OUTSpoken training in just 2 years! Our new friends in Minnesota, as you might expect, were extremely hospitable and a great crowd. Representatives from major LGBTQ family and social justice organizations, such as Rainbow Families, Out Front MN, and aMaze, were present. They came to learn new skills and how better to advocate for family equality. Also in the room was Robert Curoe, co-author of Are There Closets in Heaven: A Catholic Father and Lesbian Daughter Share Their Story, a great book about one family’s reckoning with difference and how it’s made them stronger.

Minnesota is a great state for our families, relatively speaking. Through various lower court decisions, second parent adoption has become legal. And even though a marriage amendment is floated every year, it doesn’t pass. The state was one of only two to receive an A from the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN) in it’s 2004 State of the States Report.

What this means and what I told parents, family members and friends at the training, is that Minnesota is in a great place to set the tone and make even greater change. Just because there’s a statewide policy banning discrimination against people based on their sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression doesn’t mean that people don’t experience this discrimination every day. Once these policies are in place, it’s up to people on the ground to make sure they’re enforced. State officials should be responsive to complaints, but they can’t be responsive unless complaints are made.

The most inspiring version of this story I’ve seen in a while is the Adoption.com case we blogged about and took action on a few months back. (Click here to read the original blogs.) When a California couple looking to adopt found that the “leading” adoption profiles website discriminated against them for being gay, they invoked California antidiscrimination laws, which include sexual orientation. And they won their case. Adoption.com had to choose — to open their services to all prospective parents or stop doing business in California.

I met great people in Minnesota — people who are already out there telling their stories, trying to make change, but also people who know that they can always strive to do this better and with a community of supporters. It’s important to stay active and stay vigilant in Minnesota — making sure that no new marriage amendments pass, that no anti-family legislation is proposed and passed. But it’s also important not to get too comfortable with the relatively positive environment that’s been created. Make it better, make it stronger, make it even more positive for our families and for all people who experience discrimination.

I look forward to my next trip to Minnesota — it was a truly inspiring endeavor!

Even in a week devoted to rest, relaxation and family fun, Family Weekers make time in their days to learn and grow together as a community. We know that Family Week and other family gatherings started as a way for families with LGBTQ parents to get together, provide safe spaces for their kids to play, and build community around issues that matter–parental rights, marriage equality, finding and making safe schools. We continue this tradition with Provincetown Family Week 2007, providing workshops on topics from getting active in schools to building better relationships as LGBTQ parents. You can see a full list of workshops on the Family Pride website, at www.familypride.org/familyweekcomingsoon.html.

Yesterday morning I had the privilege of presenting on the Rainbow Report Card and other tools Family Pride provides to parents to make their schools safer and more inclusive of all loving families. We had a large crowd, about 70 parents, sitting in rows with note pads out and pens in hand, ready to learn. We talked about how lasting change starts from the ground up, that every situation is different, and that all parents need to be as out as they safely can be–with their children, within their school community, etc.–in order to create open, honest dialogue about the challenges they face.

Bay Windows, New England’s LGBT community newspaper, was there, taking photos at the workshop and talking to families. Check out their website to see if Family Week coverage is up!

Sadly, I’m going to have to wrap this one up more quickly than I thought, as I now have to set up at the pier for another workshop–The Toughest Questions You’ll Get Asked as an LGBTQ Parent (or “Toughest Questions,” as we like to call it). You can find out more about Toughest Questions by downloading the OUTSpoken Families Speaker’s Toolkit here.

Sorry for the lack up updating yesterday. Much like on the cruise, our Internet keeps going in and out! Twenty-first-century roughing it, I like to say

Cheers,
Dustin

It’s only been two days since the 12th annual Provincetown Family Week began, and I’m already astounded by the growth! I’ve seen many old faces and also a lot of new. This year, R Family Vacations is running the large social and entertainment events, like their Under the Big Top Circus Dinner and their Classic Disco Family Tea Dance, and already 3 of the 4 major events are SOLD OUT with more than 650 people attending each one! Last year, our biggest dinner (also run by R Family and pirate-themed) was 350 people. We estimate well over 500 LGBTQ-headed families in PTown this week–that’s at least 1,000 if not more than 1,500 people from our community. The growth is tremendous!

So much has happened since we arrived Saturday morning, not to mention the drive up. (I surprised my boss, Family Pride Executive Director Jennifer Chrisler, with my fancy driving. Hey, that rest stop crept up on me, and I hadto get over two lanes of traffic to get there. Parents understand: when someone in the car has to go, someone in the car has to go.)

We had a great time at check-in and registration Saturday morning, down on MacMillan Pier. We’ve moved most of our events down there this year–both to create a one-stop shop for our families and because the breeze off the water is oh so nice! We busted out the sound system and I plugged my iPod in–I have a special “Family Pride” playlist for just such occasions, with great LGBTQ family hits like “We Are Family,” “Love and Happiness,” “Freedom 90,” and more. As R Family staff handled tickets and program books, the Family Pride staff was able to do what we’ve always wanted to have more time to do at Family Week–talk and share with all the wonderful families!

We have a full workshop schedule this week, continuing the tradition of bringing fresh, valuable education and advocacy programming to LGBTQ-headed families even as we ratchet up the fun side of the week through our partnership with R Family. I’m particularly excited to present on safe and inclusive schools with Jennifer on Tuesday and to lead parents through our “Toughest Questions” workshop Wednesday morning, an exercise pulled directly from our OUTSpoken Families Speakers Bureau toolkit.

Other highlights of the past few days include:

The Gathering for Families with Members of African and/or Caribbean Descent (held at the Family Pride staff house!)
The Broadway Belters Brunch (think bacon, eggs, vibrato)
The Welcome Family Beach Picnic (complete with cool breeze and even cooler water)
The Blogging and Online Activism Workshop (with our good friend, Dana Rudolph of Mombian.com)
The Sandcastle Building Contest (complete with Family Pride ribbons for all the families that participated)

Tomorrow’s our first full day of workshops and entertainment programming, with “little gatherings” for the under 4s first thing, followed by a workshop conducted by Jennifer Chrisler on “Talking to Our Children” about being LGBTQ. Then it’s on to “Relationship Success,” a presentation on keeping LGBTQ partnerships strong, followed by Beach Olympics, the 7th Annual Guatemalan Barbecue (for families with children adopted from Guatemala), and the big deal, big-time Under the Big Top Dinner!

I can’t say I’m not a little exhausted already, and I think I speak for the Family Pride staff as a whole. However, there is a strange energy that develops around Family Week–an energy that keeps a smile on our faces (through the pounds of sweat) and pep in our step (with burns on our necks). The truth of the matter is that there’s no way to explain or describe this energy as anything other than the warmth and good vibes we get from being around all these beautiful families. I’m excited to keep you all posted as we work through the week, and to have other Family Pride staff members update you, as well. It’s not easy finding a few minutes each day with packed schedules like these to share what’s going on here on the Cape, but we believe in sharing our work with as many people as possible, especially the ones who can’t be here.

And now for some much-needed rest…

Stay tuned!
Dustin

For most Americans, the Fourth of July is a day of barbecues, fireworks, family and fun. For all Americans, it is a reminder that the freedoms we enjoy stand on a bedrock of struggle—that all freedoms require continued struggle. And for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer parents and allies, the Fourth is a reminder that our rights are not yet full, that our families are not yet treated with equal respect. Nationwide we’re still denied the freedom to marry and the easy ability to protect our kids.

As you spend this Fourth of July with fellow revelers, make a point to share with others how your family is still denied the full promise of America: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness; freedom from want and fear; the ability to make important decisions about our children as we help them grow.

The people in our lives who love us the most—our extended family members, our co-workers and friends—cannot be expected to fix what they don’t know is broken. Be specific about how inequality hurts your family. Tell stories. Give them the good as well as the bad, because it’s our lives we’re talking about here, and we all have to work together to make change.

If you take a minute to open a heart and change a mind this Fourth of July, share your story with the 10,000+ readers of the Family Pride Blog by leaving a comment below. We must enrich and inspire each other with even the tiniest actions we take. Help us collect and spread the stories about how LGBTQ parents and allies honored American freedom by reminding others that those freedoms are not yet full, and that we must all work to get them there.

Enjoy the day. We hope it’s beautiful and inspiring for all.

To find out how to share your stories more effectively, check out OUTSpoken Families, Family Pride’s groundbreaking speakers initiative, designed to making speaking out for family equality all the more relevant to you.

The Boston Globe has great coverage of yesterday’s victory for marriage equality in Massachusetts. As many of this movement’s leaders have recognized, marriage in Massachusetts stands as a beacon of light for marriage advocates nationwide. If we had lost that fight, it would have been a demoralizing defeat. But we won. And we will continue to win–one state at a time.

And the reason we won is this: LGBTQ people in Massachusetts wrote, called and visited their legislators time and time again. They shared their very personal stories. They spoke of not being able to care for their sick partner in the hospital, of children who wanted their mommies and daddies to stay married, of pursuing the quintessential American dream: a safe, loving home and family.

Lawmakers heard them, changed their minds, and changed their votes.

Check out this article from the Globe: “Personal Stories Changed Minds”. It reminds me why I do the work I do each day for our families. I trust it will inspire you to continue being visible, sharing your stories, too.

To get hooked into Family Pride’s national speakers bureau, OUTSpoken Families, which trains individuals to tell their stories effectively to neighbors, friends, teachers, lawmakers, the media and more, visit our OUTSpoken page here.

Rummaging through the Family Pride archives recently, I came across an undated “memorandum” put out by the Concerned Women for America, a radical right organization that routinely attacks LGBTQ families. The document is entitled, “Correct Terminology When Debating Homosexual Issues.” It’s good to know that as we work daily to expand protections for LGBTQ families through visibility, these people are looking for even sneakier ways to undermine our struggles and our very identities as LGBTQ people.

The document begins with the following paragraph:

Our choice of words can be influential to a reader or a listener. We are called to be savvy in our use of language in order to be effective. In Matthew 10:16, Jesus tells us to be ‘wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.’ Choose words carefully when communicating the truth in love.

The “memo” goes on to show two columns, YOU SHOULD SAY and YOU SHOULD NOT SAY. Here are some highlights:

You should say: homosexual. You should not say: ‘gay’ or lesbian.
You should say: so-called homosexual ‘marriage’. You should not say: ‘gay,’ or lesbian, or same-sex marriage. The public instinctively rejects ‘homosexuality’ and the activists know this, which is why they try to insert the less threatening words. When we call a spade a spade, we win.
You should say: homosexual lifestyle. You should not say: ‘gay’ or lesbian. Lifestyle signifies one has a choice in their behavior.
You should say: special rights. You should not say: equal rights or equal protection. Those who practice homosexual behavior already have the same rights as everyone else.

We, too, know that “our choice of words can be influential to a reader or a listener.” Interestingly enough, our choice of words is about dispelling the myths and correcting the misinformation regularly spewed by the radical right, as seen above. Ours is a struggle for greater peace and community, protections for loving families, respect and reconciliation.

This “memo” was sent to CWA members as part of a fundraising campaign, which just goes to show how money-hungry these people are. They could pack up and go home and nothing in their worlds would change. If we stopped fighting, they’d tear our families apart and send us back 50 years into the closet.

The top ten anti-gay organizations in the United States have a combined annual budget of 1 billion dollars. Their messages of hate spread far and wide. We’ve got to stick together as a community of LGBTQ parents and allies, ready to combat their harmful lies. To learn more about how we do it, check out Family Pride’s OUTSpoken Families Speakers Bureau. It’s a one-stop-shop for LGBTQ family advocacy–from changing the hearts and minds of your neighbors to preparing yourself to speak to legislators, reporters and more.

And don’t let the Concerned Women for America get you down. We’re going to win this fight. We have to–our families actually are at stake.

On Tuesdays throughout the summer, our friend Dana Rudolph at Mombian.com will be posting interviews from a handful of our OUTSpoken families. The series is titled “Family Voices” and the first installment was posted early this morning. Dana stated:

One of the best ways to strengthen ourselves and our community is by sharing our stories. Blogs and online forums are a great way to do this, but I also wanted to expand our horizons and showcase the voices of families who are not necessarily part of the online community, or who have experience talking about their families in other media as well. Reaching out to Family Pride to interview people in their OUTSpoken program made perfect sense. These families are leading the fight to make our families visible and accepted, and I think we can all learn a lot from them.”

Family Pride’s OUTSpoken program has four goals:

1. We will fundamentally shift the way our families are talked about and treated in the media, in our communities and by our politicians by raising awareness about both the existence of and the struggle of our families.
2. We will arm thousands of LGBTQ parents and their allies with the information to speak to their co-workers, school officials, faith leaders, legislators and the media in their own communities not only with passion, but with authority and credible, indisputable information.
3. We will counter the vitriolic misinformation campaign being waged by the fundamentalist right with credible social science research, reliable facts and our own stories.
4. We will continue to protect our children by creating safe schools that both understand and support the vast variety of family structures.

Earlier in the year, one of our trained OUTSpoken families even appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show! Watch the video clip below:

More than a thousand people in almost every state in the country have been trained through OUTSpoken. Learn more about this exciting initiative by clicking here and stay tuned to Mombian.com.

Yes, that is the question.

And it’s not always an easy question to anticipate or answer. You bump into a coworker in the elevator, and she asks you about your night. Last night, you went on a date with your partner. How do you reply? Do you skirt the question or do you reply with honesty?

Outing yourself happens when you least expect it. If you’re a lesbian couple, it is likely that people have asked you if you’re sisters or friends. In that moment, you are faced with a decision. What would you say?

There’s no right answer. But we do know this: non-LGBTQ people are more likely to support family equality when they know three or more LGBTQ people personally. While doing an OUTSpoken training in California, Trina Olson (our former program and education manager) explains the connection as only she can:

So, because Trina’s friend keeps Trina’s best interests at heart, she stands up for family equality. More than anything, she wants Trina to be safe and happy. Because she knows Trina, she’s an ally. That’s how it works. Continue Reading »

A year and a half ago, Family Pride strategized to train lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) families and allies to be advocates in local communities across the country. Armed with toolkits, these families would be known as “OUTSpoken.” Our goal was 200 families.

We are pleased to report that the last of our 1,000 toolkits left the office this morning. Why did we beat our goal of 200 families five times over? Simple. Because OUTSpoken works.

The idea behind OUTSpoken is beautifully straightforward: give families powerful messaging, the correct language and the best resources available, and then commit these families to speaking publicly eight times a year about equality. In other words, the OUTSpoken program is built on a foundation of visibility. Our OUTSpoken families and allies have reached more than 7,000,000 (yikes!) people across the United States - many of whom have never seen an LGBTQ family. Continue Reading »