Family Pride’s Blog

I read a recent post on Pam’s House Blend about the Manford-Roach Family’s appearance on CNN. She did a great job and raised a few interesting points. The CNN article quotes Dr. James Dobson in a statement he released about Mary Cheney’s pregnancy.

The two most loving women in the world cannot provide a daddy for a little boy—any more than the two most loving men can be complete role models for a little girl.

Pam notes that this statement slams not only gay parents, but single parents as well. According to the 2000 census, of the 34.6 million households with children under the age of 18, 28% are being headed by a single parent. That’s more than 1 in 4 parents.

Of course, this isn’t a numbers game. It doesn’t matter if Dobson discriminates against 100 million people or against 1 person. We all have heard the now cliché quote that “an injustice to one is an injustice to all.” But when you lash out against some 10 million people (and their families), it tends to get a lot more attention.

And Dobson’s statement that boys need dads and girls need moms is in stark contrast to the more than 30 years of social science research on the subject. Despite what Dobson would like the world to believe, that social science research supports parenting by LGBTQ individuals. Being gay or straight doesn’t impact your ability to parent. In fact, Dobson’s continued distortion of this research is angering many of researchers he quotes.

Dobson and his organization, Focus on the Family, are charged with strengthening and defending families. Ironic, isn’t it?

A picture is worth a thousand words. In this case the silence is deafening.

Picture the photo of the Vice President and his wife and their newborn grandchild — fresh from delivery and still wrapped in his hospital-issue receiving blanket. What’s missing here? The child’s parents, of course.

The fact that this White House chose to announce the birth of Vice President Cheney’s grandson — Samuel David Cheney — with a photo of the baby without either one of his two mothers in sight should come as no surprise. This administration continues to try to have its cake and eat it too when it comes to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Americans.

Think about it. Samuel is the Cheney’s sixth grandchild — but can you recall seeing photos of any of the other grandchildren? The only thing that makes Samuel’s birth newsworthy at all is that his birth mother, Mary Cheney, is both a lesbian and the daughter of the man who is second in command of an administration that has been more destructive to the lives of LGBT parents and their families than any other group in American history.

By virtue of Mary’s status as the Vice President’s daughter, she and her partner, Heather Poe, continue to be arguably the most prominent Republican lesbian couple in the country. Mary’s pregnancy has been covered by the media since it was first announced. The couple welcomed their first child, Samuel, into the world earlier this week. And yet the mothers are not included in the photo that was sent out to announce the birth of their child.

A more astute media might be asking why there is no photo availability of the entire family, but that is not happening. As a result of the absence of a compelling and truly representative visual to accompany the story, there has been minimal media coverage of the latest addition to one of the nation’s most prominent LGBT-headed families. Once again, this administration has manipulated the media for its own purposes — and the media has allowed them to do so. And, once again, LGBT-headed families remain largely faceless and invisible to the majority of America.

As a lesbian mother and an advocate for full equality for LGBT-headed American families, I have followed Mary Cheney’s pregnancy with great interest and empathy. I have read and appreciated her statement that their baby is a “gift from God” — for is that not true of all children?

I certainly believe that about mine. I have also read Mary’s statement that, in her view, their child is “not a political statement.” I wish that were also true. I absolutely join Mary and Heather in their desire to live in a world — and to raise their son in a world — in which that were the case. However, the unfortunate reality is that our children and our families are politicized — but not by us. Mary and Heather’s invisibility in the public announcement of their own son’s birth is proof of that reality.

It is no secret that President Bush and Vice President Cheney’s re-election campaign strategy centered around mobilizing the most conservative elements of the Republican Party by targeting LGBT people and their families. Ballot initiatives about same-sex marriage were introduced in many states with the specific intent of bringing religious conservatives to the polls.

However, when asked about his daughter Mary’s sexual orientation, Vice President Cheney has consistently asserted his love and support for his daughter. In addition, the Vice President was described by an official White House spokesperson as “looking forward with eager anticipation” to the birth of his sixth grandchild. Additionally, when asked specifically about Mary and Heather becoming parents, President Bush replied that he thought Mary would be “a loving soul to her child” and “a fine mom.” Mary’s partner, Heather, reportedly even receives protection from the Secret Service.

Nevertheless, in a cowardly move to mollify their conservative base, the administration stripped Samuel’s lesbian mothers from the picture heralding his arrival. It simply doesn’t get any more political than that.

It’s official, Mary Cheney is a mom. Mary Cheney (and her partner Heather Poe) have given birth to Samuel David Cheney (according to CNN) today. Samuel David Cheney was born at 9:46am at Sibley Hospital in Washington. The baby weighed in at 8 lbs, 6 ounces. This is the sixth grandchild for the Vice President and his wife Lynne. Visit www.familypride.org/baby to send a message of support to the Cheney-Poe family. Or, check out what other people are saying in our live comments page.

The following statement can be attributed to Jennifer Chrisler, Executive Director of Family Pride:

We join the community of American families headed by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parents in congratulating Mary Cheney and Heather Poe on the birth of their son, Samuel David Cheney. Vice President Cheney’s newborn grandson and his two mothers put yet another face on our families for the American public. We wish the family the best and will continue our efforts to advocate for full equality for all American families.

Back in early December, the lesbian daughter of the Vice-President, Mary Cheney, ignited a media frenzy when she announced that she was pregnant. Mary Cheney has been tight-lipped about the details, but the Vice-President made this announcement in the Washington Post last month:

I’m delighted I’m about to be a grandparent for the sixth time,” said Dick Cheney. “I’m looking forward to the arrival of a new grandson.” The veep confirmed that the baby is due next month; this will be the first child for Mary and partner Heather Poe, and the third grandson for the Cheneys.

So, the baby should be born within the next two weeks. And once again, LGBTQ parented families will be put into the national spotlight. Stay tuned for the very latest. In the meantime, read the comments of Family Pride’s Executive Director, Jennifer Chrisler, in TIME. We wish Mary Cheney and her partner, Heather Poe, the very best - and hope that they enjoy these final hours of peace and quiet!

Family Pride executive director Jennifer Chrisler responds to the annoucement that Mary Cheney will be having a boy:

Vice President Cheney revealed yesterday that he and his wife are expecting a grandson when his lesbian daughter, Mary Cheney, delivers her baby next month. And, once again, the Vice President evaded the issue of the rights and protections LGBTQ families should be able to provide their children. When questioned by Wolf Blitzer on CNN about the impending arrival of his grandchild, Cheney refused to respond, saying the topic is “off limits.”

The Vice President continually fails to address the lack of federal protections for same-sex parents. “I think each state ought to have the capacity to decide how they want to handle those issues,” he said. “And I obviously think it’s important for us as a society to be tolerant and respectful of whatever arrangements people enter into.”

The fact is, in the state of Virginia, where Mary and her partner Heather reside, Heather will have no legal relationship to the child she and Mary are bringing into the world.

The Vice President continues to side-step the issue of legal rights for LGBTQ parents and their children. But, some day soon, his grandson will ask why Grandpa Cheney did nothing to protect his own family from the vicious attacks directed at LGBTQ families in this country.

As Family Pride prepares for our return en masse to the White House Egg Roll this Monday, April 9, we look forward to welcoming Mary, Heather and their son into LGBTQ family community.”

 Some 60 gay and lesbian families have made the commitment to attend the 2007 White House Egg Roll. Gay and lesbian families will wear rainbow colored leis to increase our visibility. Family Pride and our supporters fundamentally understand that by making our families visible, we change hearts and minds across this country.

We are thrilled to be participating in this great American tradition - a tradition, it’s worth noting, that isn’t without controversy. In 1954, Mamie Eisenhower raised eyebrows by hosting the first desegregated Egg Roll.

Is this a protest of the administration’s policy toward gay families? No. We are, however, helping the administration understand that gay families do exist in this country and deserve the rights and protections that all families need. Perhaps it’s a message that will ring louder this year given the announcement of the Vice-President’s lesbian daughter that she and her partner are pregnant.

Last year, Family Pride and gay and lesbian families attended the White House Egg Roll in masse. Our families were included in the national conversation, with coverage on every major network around the country. Let’s reintroduce our families to the nation!

This is a celebration of all families. We want to give our fellow citizens the opportunity to see us as real families, participating in a great American tradition on the White House lawn. We believe that by participating fully as American families in traditions like the egg roll, America will come to know us better and recognize that loves makes a family.

For more information about Family Pride’s 2007 White House Egg Roll (or to sing up), visit www.familypride.org/eggroll.

In December, 2006 Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family wrote a guest article for Time Magazine blasting the decision of Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, and her partner, Heather Poe, to start a family. The article misstates and twists social-science research to arrive at a false conclusion: gay parents are bad parents. Outraged by Dobson’s fraudulent accusations, Family Pride executive director Jennifer Chrisler wrote a rebuttal article that was published Time.

The manipulation of social science research by the radical right must stop.

There was a time when the media would hold organizations like Focus on the Family accountable for their misinformation and lies. The times have changed. But the scientific community is fighting back.

Today, Truth Wins Out launched a new website, respectmyresearch.org, where top researchers can speak out and report distortions of their work. Among the researchers featured, Dr. Carol Gilligan, whose research was misquoted by Dobson in his Time Magazine article.

It’s a start. We applaud the academic community for standing up and refusing to let their work be distorted for political gain.

If you suspect that scientific research is being misrepresented, do your homework. Confirm the distortion. Let the researcher know. Report it to respectmyresearch.org, and write an op-ed reporting the misuse. Take a stand for truth.

Best of Queercents week continues with a “guest blog” by Nina Smith.

“The most important thing about a family is that all the people in it love each other.”
- from Heather has Two Mommies

Queers around the nation heard the breaking news a couple of weeks ago about Mary Cheney’s pregnancy. John Aravosis had plenty to say about the topic. He writes, “They live in Virginia, where a new state constitutional amendment pretty much guarantees that Mary’s baby is screwed.”

“In November, Virginia voters passed a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and civil unions; state law is unclear on whether [Heather] Poe could have full legal rights as a parent of Cheney’s child.”

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but even he can’t make Heather Poe the legal parent in her state. This denies her a basic human right and will hurt her child. The American Academy of Pediatrics asserts, “Children who are born to or adopted by 1 member of a same-sex couple deserve the security of 2 legally recognized parents. Children deserve to know that their relationships with both of their parents are stable and legally recognized. This applies to all children, whether their parents are of the same or opposite sex.”

This is an issue that is top-of-mind these days as Jeanine and I proceed with the baby-making process. In my relationship with Jeanine, I’m the legal equivalent to Heather Poe. When we finally have our baby, I’ll have to ask the State of California to grant me a second-parent adoption. What is this?

HRC offers this explanation, “A second-parent adoption allows a second parent to adopt a child without the ‘first parent’ losing any parental rights. In this way, the child comes to have two legal parents: you and your partner. It also typically grants adoptive parents the same rights as biological parents in custody and visitation matters.”

“Where is it available? Eight states and the District of Columbia have approved second-parent adoption for lesbian and gay parents either by statute or state appellate court rulings, which means that it is granted in all counties statewide.”

These states include:

• California
• Connecticut
• Illinois
• Massachusetts
• New Jersey
• New York
• Pennsylvania
• Vermont

Virginia is missing from this list which is why it’s unlikely that Heather Poe will have any rights. Why should every state offer second-parent adoptions?

According to The Rainbow Babies, “Imagine that you and your partner decide to adopt a child, but only one of you can adopt her or him. Your partner becomes the legal parent. However, you begin to find that your lack of legal parental rights is a problem: you can’t pick the child up at daycare without a consent form, you can’t make medical decisions or even authorize life-saving medical treatments without an authorization form, and if you and your partner split up, you will have absolutely no legal right to custody or even visitation.”

“Even worse, if your partner should become incapacitated or die, you will have no legal rights to the child at all; despite the fact that you see yourself as the child’s parent, and he or she sees you as such, you will have no legal right to keep the child. Entire families have been torn apart for the lack of a second parent adoption.”

“Although many of these problems can be solved with the right paperwork - consent forms, authorization forms, custody agreements in case the parents split, and a will appointing the partner as the child’s legal guardian in the event that the legal parent dies - it takes a good deal of forethought and preparation.”

“A second-parent adoption removes the need for most of these precautions, as it gives both partners equal legal rights as the child’s parents. Should you and your partner split up, both of you have equal rights to custody and visitation; and should a medical emergency require it, both you and your partner will have equal right to make a decision regarding medical treatment for the child. Most importantly, second-parent adoption is better for your child, as it reduces the chances of losing one of his or her parents due to a legal loophole.”

I went searching online to find out what the paperwork will cost us and I couldn’t find anything. We will likely hire an attorney that practices family law to draw up the paperwork or we could probably save money by reading the book: Do Your Own California Adoption: Nolo’s Guide for Stepparents and Domestic Partners.

Although Heather Poe will not be granted a second-parent adoption, she has one other option for protection: a co-parenting agreement. This will enable her to consent to medical care for their child and it could also stipulate that they name each other as the child’s guardian in their wills. However, this stipulation is still not legally binding a court of law. If something happens to Mary, then Dick and Lynne could sue Heather for custody and probably win in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

We are so behind the rest of the world. In February 2006, France’s highest court ruled that both partners in a same-sex relationship can have parental rights over one partner’s biological child. Gay Paree respects Gay parents. When will we have the same rights nationwide in this country?

The media frenzy over Mary Cheney and Heather Poe’s pregnancy has started to die down. Perhaps Mary and Heather can better focus now on caring for each other and planning ahead for their baby-to-be. At Family Pride, we know how important it is for prospective parents to enjoy their right to privacy as they envision and chart out their family’s future. We strive to create a world in which all parents can do just that. But we also recognize that that world doesn’t currently exist. We weighed in on the debate about LGBTQ parents surrounding Mary and Heather precisely because we know our voices must be heard, loud and clear, for family equality to be achieved. If we’d left the debate to the other side, all we would have heard is more vicious lies about LGBTQ people’s capacity to care and love for others.

On the January 25th edition of CNN’s “The Situation Room,” well-known journalist Wolf Blitzer interviewed the soon-to-be grandfather of Mary and Heather’s baby, Vice President Dick Cheney. In the days after Mary and Heather announced their pregnancy, we heard from the Cheneys that they were excited about the coming birth of their 6th grandchild, but that’s about all we heard. Despite the fact that Family Pride and others made it clear in public statements that the anti-family policies of the Bush Administration stand in stark contrast to the health and well-being of even the Vice President’s own daughter, Dick and Lynn made no public response. In the interview with Wolf Blitzer, however, the issue of Mary and Heather’s pregnancy came up again. This time, the criticism being discussed came from the right:

“Mary Cheney’s pregnancy raises the question of what’s best for children,” said James Dobson, founder and chairman of Focus on the Family, a radical right organization. “Just because it’s possible to conceive a child outside of the relationship of a married mother and father doesn’t mean it’s the best for the child.” Blitzer read this statement aloud to the Vice President and asked for his response.

“Do you want to respond to that?” said Blitzer.
“No,” Dick Cheney said, “I don’t.”

As Blitzer pushed, Cheney did manage to eek out his original statement again - I’m happy and excited about my 6th grandchild. I love my daughters. But he also told Blitzer that he was “out of line with that question.”

Watch the clip for yourself:

What’s out of line about asking a father to respond to personal attacks against his own daughter? You might say that the Cheneys have a right to claim Mary and Heather’s pregnancy as a private family matter. We at Family Pride wish it were so. But the right will stop at nothing to discredit LGBTQ-parented families, not even at their favorite Vice President’s door. And besides, Mary Cheney is not being dragged out of hiding. She announced her pregnancy. She’s run political campaigns. She even criticized her father’s own administration’s stance on marriage equality in her book, Now It’s My Turn: A Daughter’s Chronicle of Political Life.

Let’s get real, here. Family equality is a serious matter. The livelihoods of our families - all families, including the Vice President’s daughter’s - are at stake. We applaud Mary to the extent that she’s stood up and made her family visible. But we question Dick Cheney’s commitment to his daughter when he pleads the 5th on her ability to parent. We have to wonder, had Mary been attacked for being a Republican or a business major would her father have backed down?

Or maybe sitting across from Wolf Blitzer, stumped by a question about his daughter’s capacity for love and caring, being criticized by his own base, the radical right, he finally came face-to-face with his own worst nightmare - his personal and continued responsibility for the hate and discrimination LGBTQ people and their families face in this country. And when he faced it, he shied away.

That’s why it’s so important for all of us out there who do see the absolute need for family equality to step up and be visible, to take action every day, to make up for the losses of people like Dick Cheney. Amazing, isn’t it, that man who can help orchestrate a massive war can’t stand up for his family at home.

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Who knew that today we would wake up to the news that Mary Cheney and her partner Heather Poe are expecting their first child? Let me say first and foremost as a parent that I couldn’t be more happy for the two of them. As we all know, being a parent is an amazing experience that challenges us, fulfills us and makes our world bigger and smaller all at the same time.

But I also can’t help but note the irony of this situation. That this child will be born into a largely political family and into a society that has for the last 6 years endured the unending attacks of fundamentalists, the conservative right, many factions of the Republican party and largely under the leadership of our current President and his administration, of which Grandpa Cheney is second in command. And I am sure that it is this juxtaposition that is catching the media’s attention as it reports on the Mary Cheney pregnancy story.

Today I’ve already taped segments for CNN’s Situation Room and Good Morning America. I’ve spoken to reporters at the Wall Street Journal and LA Times and all of them are transfixed by whether this addition to the Cheney clan will somehow move Vice-President Cheney to speak out about the very anti-LGBTQ family policies he has complicity supported. Because the reality is that he’s not only hurt the millions of children already being raised by one or more LGBT parents in this country - he’s actually hurt his own soon-to-be-born grandchild.

Hopefully, having this conversation will give us an opportunity to educate people about the unique challenges we face as LGBTQ parents and that even the Vice-President’s daughter won’t be immune from those challenges. In the meantime, I’ll give the Cheney-Poe family the same advice I give to all expectant LGBTQ parents. Get lots of sleep, go on lots of dates together, see a good movie, draw up your wills, powers of attorney, and health care proxies, drive the route to the hospital where you will deliver and, most of all, get ready for the biggest joy of your life.

Jennifer Chrisler,
Executive Director, Family Pride