Family Pride’s Blog

With Special Permission from Alex Blaze of the Bilerico Project, we are reproducing this powerful post in the Family Pride Blog to share with all of you.

“Why don’t you just demand your rights as an American instead of asking for Special Rights?”

Transgender Americans are not asking for special rights but for the same rights that other people have. The fact that transgender Americans are NOT treated equally in employment, housing, credit..etc. begs for legislation to stop discriminatory acts towards transgender people. Transgender Americans are not asking for rights that others don’t have. Transgender Americans are not asking to be treated better than everyone else or to have something that other Americans don’t have.

When I began transitioning on the job and I started exhibiting male characteristics, I was fired from my job and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I was told by every lawyer that I did not have a case because there was no law to protect transgender people from being fired in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

I was not fired because of real or perceived sexual orientation but I was fired specifically based on my gender expression. The Human Resource department was very careful in being explicit as to why I was being fired. My story of anti-transgender discrimination isn’t unique, there are hundreds just like it. So I ask you, where do we go to demand these rights? Where exactly was I supposed to go to demand justice for losing a job where I had spent years working holidays and weekends, sacrificing time that could have been spent with my family?

Demanding your rights as an American and not Special Rights for Hate Crimes Victims and Survivors. “A Murder is a Murder, shouldn’t we all be treated the same?”

Where was Robert Eads supposed to go to demand his rights when no doctor would treat him because he was a transman? As a result, he died with ovarian cancer.

Where was Chanelle Pickett supposed to go to demand her rights when she was brutally murdered by William Palmer, only to have her family, friends and a whole community watch him get sentenced to 2 years in prison, the maximum sentence for assault and battery?

Where was my aunt, Debra Forte supposed to go to demand her rights when she was beaten, strangled, stabbed three times in the chest, and every bone in her neck was broken by her killer, Michael Thompson? Thompson ran from the police and then turned himself in 2 weeks later only to be let out on bail. Where was my family supposed to go to demand compassion when the police came to my house and repeatedly referred to my aunt as “he,” even though she transitioned in 1961 and had been living as a woman for 34 years?

Where was my mother supposed to go to demand her rights when the police told her that her “brother” had been stabbed to death but when my brother and I arrived at the morgue to identify her body we were faced with the horrific reality that she had been beaten beyond recognition?

Where was the justice when we had to tell my grandfather that his child had been taken from him in a senseless act of violence, that his child was brutally murdered for no other reason than that she was a transsexual?

My grandfather died a few weeks later when his heart gave out.

Where was the justice when Michael Thompson plea bargained with the district attorney and was sentenced to 15 years in prison? The District Attorney was afraid that if they went for 1st degree murder that the jury wouldn’t be sympathetic to my aunt’s “lifestyle.”

My family was beyond angry that the district attorney didn’t go for 1st degree murder, and, after Chanelle Pickett’s killer was sentenced to 2 years (her killer was tried for murder 1), the district attorney called my mother to say, “See? We told you what would have happened.”

There have been 8 murders of transgender people here in Massachusetts and only 2 of those murders have been solved. In both instances the killers turned themselves in. There are now 380 transgender people (that we know of) who have died because of anti-transgender hatred or bias and more than half of those murders remain unsolved.

It would be nice to think that we are all human and therefore we should all be treated as human beings, that we should all be treated fairly and that all laws should apply to all of us. The simple fact is that we are not and we are dying as a result.

We are not disposable people and if Congress can’t pass a law that sends that message, they might as well just paint a target on our asses.

This year’s Family Week was my second as a member of the Family Pride Team (this year dubbed “Team Family Equality” on our bright orange t-shirts). It was a thrilling experience to be back—better prepared to navigate Provincetown, happy to speak with LGBTQ family friends I made last year and meet new folks this time around. I was especially excited to have much more time to plan and prepare for our educational workshop series—to have time before and afterwards to sit and talk at length with families who had issues, ideas, questions, and concerns to share. Last year, when Family Pride produced Family Week entirely on its own (with COLAGE providing programming and events for youth), just as soon as I or any other Family Pride staff member finished a talk or presentation we had to zip off to some other location—the beach, the pier, a hardware store, a copy shop two towns over! Anyone who’s involved in Family Week planning and execution—be they Family Pride, COLAGE, R Family Vacations or otherwise affiliated—can tell you that it’s an uncanny combination of dedication to our families and adrenaline/caffeine cocktails that make this week happen. As hard as we sweat, as little as we sleep, there’s nothing more satisfying than connecting with our families face-to-face and providing them with an amazing opportunity to connect and grow.

Longtime Family Weekers have noticed many additions over the years—almost all of which have been tied to the astounding growth of the event from year to year. There are larger events, more partners, and more amenities geared towards families in the town. We estimate more than 600 families attended Family Week this year. That’s a tremendous increase from the 15 or so families that first gathered just 12 years ago! And with that growth comes change.

We have heard your initial feedback from Family Week 2007, and we look forward to hearing more. Feedback is essential to building better programs and activities for our families, and we are dedicated to incorporating as much as of it as possible into our planning for next year. Family Week 2008 is already in the works. We thank you for taking the time to let us know how much you care about this very special week for our families.

In the meantime, in those twelve long months between one Family Week and the next, we invite you to connect with Family Pride in all the other work that we do—advocating for our families through our policy initiatives; activating parents in their local communities through OUTSpoken Families; growing communities through our work with local parents groups; building safer and more inclusive schools for our children; increasing the visibility of our families through local and national media; and providing the best, most up-to-date and accurate research about our families experiences to the world.

Thanks again and I look forward to my third Family Week next August!

We noticed something interesting about this year’s Family Week in Provincetown. Many of the families that were in attendance didn’t have queer parents. We weren’t the only ones to notice this trend. The Cape Cod Times wrote an article titled P’town gathering brings straight, gay families together:

For Darrell and Bernice, a straight couple, ages 43 and 37, respectively, the week is about spending time with their gay friends and beginning to include Fiona in that circle. “We have many, many lesbian couple friends,” Darrell Smith said. “We have single lesbian friends, single gay male friends. We have friends that are a gay couple and they have twin boys. We just think it’s about getting together with people.”

About 85 percent of the parents who attend Family Week are gay, Chrisler said, but that composition is slowly changing. “I think gay families are more willing to bring their straight family members along, whereas 10 years ago this is something they would have kept to themselves,” Chrisler said.

That means there were a few hundred non-LGBTQ aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends and neighbors in attendance. When these individuals go to the voting booth in the next election cycle, how do you think they’ll vote? When non-LGBTQ America attaches names, faces and stories to our struggle, it can be a mind, heart and life-changing experience.

A few years ago, Mike Conway, a straight father, penned this op-ed for his local paper about his experience.

For my vacation this year I spent a week on Cape Cod, a week that changed my life. I spent the week in Provincetown volunteering at Family Week. As a straight 40-year-old father of two, why was I spending my summer vacation volunteering at an event celebrating and addressing the needs of families with gay and lesbian parents? Three reasons: first my family has friends within the sponsoring group, Family Pride Coalition, second I am currently unemployed so I was available, and third a career counselor told me I needed a volunteering item on my resume. But my experience during Family Week turned out to be far more significant than the sum of all of these.

While I have been a supporter of gay marriage and gay rights, it had always been from an intellectual standpoint and from outside the issue. I supported gay rights because equality seems only logical. But during the course of my week in Provincetown, surrounded by the reality of hundreds of gay families, I began to emotionally understand and appreciate the struggles these parents and children face every day: children ostracized and threatened at school and on the playground for having two moms, parents in crises denied access to civil and legal resources, and the stares and antagonism that gay parents and their children constantly endure. As a straight, white guy, I have never even been close to facing these sorts of things. But to the parents and children participating in Family Week these issues are all too real, they cut to the heart and spirit of humanity.The issue for them is about loving families, nothing more.

To see children aged four and five excited because they get to march in a parade and carry home-made signs that read simply “I Love My Dads” or “I Love My Lesbian Mom” struck an emotional chord in me that I was not prepared for. As a parent, I know the unconditional love that grows exponentially between parents and children. I cried throughout the week. I cried a lot. I can only imagine how difficult life would be for my family if our love was constantly questioned by strangers, colleagues, teachers, doctors, the courts and the country as a whole.

Growing up in the 70’s, I learned all the stereotypes, bigotry and prejudices of my Northeast Philly roots. Smear the Queer was a popular schoolyard game. As children, we had no idea what the name of this game implied. I had to learn to question and examine the assumptions, beliefs and values of my upbringing. I now consider myself a relatively open-minded person. But Family Week was my first experience at being an open-hearted person. Families, whatever they look like, are about love and nothing else. Sexual orientation, gender, race, none of these matter to a child. Every family is different in thousands of ways, which makes every family equal. Denying equal treatment to anyone, to any family or child is just wrong. Just as denying civil and voting rights based on gender or race was a stupid, small-minded thing to do, so is denying equal rights based on sexual orientation. It’s simply a waste of energy that could be devoted to addressing the myriad real problems, such as poverty, that families and children throughout the world face.

Even in a week devoted to rest, relaxation and family fun, Family Weekers make time in their days to learn and grow together as a community. We know that Family Week and other family gatherings started as a way for families with LGBTQ parents to get together, provide safe spaces for their kids to play, and build community around issues that matter–parental rights, marriage equality, finding and making safe schools. We continue this tradition with Provincetown Family Week 2007, providing workshops on topics from getting active in schools to building better relationships as LGBTQ parents. You can see a full list of workshops on the Family Pride website, at www.familypride.org/familyweekcomingsoon.html.

Yesterday morning I had the privilege of presenting on the Rainbow Report Card and other tools Family Pride provides to parents to make their schools safer and more inclusive of all loving families. We had a large crowd, about 70 parents, sitting in rows with note pads out and pens in hand, ready to learn. We talked about how lasting change starts from the ground up, that every situation is different, and that all parents need to be as out as they safely can be–with their children, within their school community, etc.–in order to create open, honest dialogue about the challenges they face.

Bay Windows, New England’s LGBT community newspaper, was there, taking photos at the workshop and talking to families. Check out their website to see if Family Week coverage is up!

Sadly, I’m going to have to wrap this one up more quickly than I thought, as I now have to set up at the pier for another workshop–The Toughest Questions You’ll Get Asked as an LGBTQ Parent (or “Toughest Questions,” as we like to call it). You can find out more about Toughest Questions by downloading the OUTSpoken Families Speaker’s Toolkit here.

Sorry for the lack up updating yesterday. Much like on the cruise, our Internet keeps going in and out! Twenty-first-century roughing it, I like to say

Cheers,
Dustin

It’s only been two days since the 12th annual Provincetown Family Week began, and I’m already astounded by the growth! I’ve seen many old faces and also a lot of new. This year, R Family Vacations is running the large social and entertainment events, like their Under the Big Top Circus Dinner and their Classic Disco Family Tea Dance, and already 3 of the 4 major events are SOLD OUT with more than 650 people attending each one! Last year, our biggest dinner (also run by R Family and pirate-themed) was 350 people. We estimate well over 500 LGBTQ-headed families in PTown this week–that’s at least 1,000 if not more than 1,500 people from our community. The growth is tremendous!

So much has happened since we arrived Saturday morning, not to mention the drive up. (I surprised my boss, Family Pride Executive Director Jennifer Chrisler, with my fancy driving. Hey, that rest stop crept up on me, and I hadto get over two lanes of traffic to get there. Parents understand: when someone in the car has to go, someone in the car has to go.)

We had a great time at check-in and registration Saturday morning, down on MacMillan Pier. We’ve moved most of our events down there this year–both to create a one-stop shop for our families and because the breeze off the water is oh so nice! We busted out the sound system and I plugged my iPod in–I have a special “Family Pride” playlist for just such occasions, with great LGBTQ family hits like “We Are Family,” “Love and Happiness,” “Freedom 90,” and more. As R Family staff handled tickets and program books, the Family Pride staff was able to do what we’ve always wanted to have more time to do at Family Week–talk and share with all the wonderful families!

We have a full workshop schedule this week, continuing the tradition of bringing fresh, valuable education and advocacy programming to LGBTQ-headed families even as we ratchet up the fun side of the week through our partnership with R Family. I’m particularly excited to present on safe and inclusive schools with Jennifer on Tuesday and to lead parents through our “Toughest Questions” workshop Wednesday morning, an exercise pulled directly from our OUTSpoken Families Speakers Bureau toolkit.

Other highlights of the past few days include:

The Gathering for Families with Members of African and/or Caribbean Descent (held at the Family Pride staff house!)
The Broadway Belters Brunch (think bacon, eggs, vibrato)
The Welcome Family Beach Picnic (complete with cool breeze and even cooler water)
The Blogging and Online Activism Workshop (with our good friend, Dana Rudolph of Mombian.com)
The Sandcastle Building Contest (complete with Family Pride ribbons for all the families that participated)

Tomorrow’s our first full day of workshops and entertainment programming, with “little gatherings” for the under 4s first thing, followed by a workshop conducted by Jennifer Chrisler on “Talking to Our Children” about being LGBTQ. Then it’s on to “Relationship Success,” a presentation on keeping LGBTQ partnerships strong, followed by Beach Olympics, the 7th Annual Guatemalan Barbecue (for families with children adopted from Guatemala), and the big deal, big-time Under the Big Top Dinner!

I can’t say I’m not a little exhausted already, and I think I speak for the Family Pride staff as a whole. However, there is a strange energy that develops around Family Week–an energy that keeps a smile on our faces (through the pounds of sweat) and pep in our step (with burns on our necks). The truth of the matter is that there’s no way to explain or describe this energy as anything other than the warmth and good vibes we get from being around all these beautiful families. I’m excited to keep you all posted as we work through the week, and to have other Family Pride staff members update you, as well. It’s not easy finding a few minutes each day with packed schedules like these to share what’s going on here on the Cape, but we believe in sharing our work with as many people as possible, especially the ones who can’t be here.

And now for some much-needed rest…

Stay tuned!
Dustin

It’s Saturday, July 28. That means that the Family Pride team, along with hundreds (perhaps thousands!) of LGBTQ families and allies are descending on the sandy shores of Provincetown, MA for the biggest and best Family Week yet.

Family Week is a fun filled week of workshops, gathering and special events aimed at LGBTQ parented families (you can read more about the week in a recent New York Times article). Thanks to our partnership with R Family Vacations, we’ll even have Broadway quality events and entertainment! So, if you’re sitting at home and can’t make it, don’t worry… we’re bringing the fun and excitement to you through our blog. So, bookmark our blog or subscribe to our feed, and check back all week for updates and pictures. Can you smell the fish-fry already

Provincetown Family Week got some mainstream attention this week as the New York Time’s published an article yesterday about the event and it’s history.

Many people don’t realize that Family Week started as a very small gathering in 1996 before it grew into the mammoth that it is today:

In 1996, Tim Fisher and Scott Davenport, a couple living in New Jersey, brought their daughter, Kati, and son, Fritz, to Provincetown for a vacation. After a week of meeting other gay and lesbian parents at the beach, they invited about 15 families to their rented house for dinner. It was a magical event, Mr. Davenport recalled, at which children of gay parents — many of whom didn’t know other families like theirs — suddenly felt less alone.

ver the next decade, the event — which came to be known as Family Week — grew so large that by last summer a family parade seemed to stretch from one end of Provincetown to the other. Among those working as volunteers were Kati and Fritz, now teenagers.

From 15 families to a few thousand, Family Week has grown by leaps and bounds. But the week’s magic is not deluded by its size; each year is better than the previous. Seeing so many beautiful, loving families is a transforming experience for even the most hardened of hearts.

Provincetown Family Week officially kicks off in five days. Some things will be different this year: our partnership with R Family Vacations, broadway-quality performances, and more robust workshops, programs and events. But the heart of family week will be the same; the magic that is Family Week will be in full force.

Mr. Davenport, who was present at the creation, said he wasn’t unhappy that Family Week was changing. “Gregg and Kelli have been to enough Family Weeks that I think they understand the magic,” he said.

Besides, Mr. Davenport (who now lives in Maryland) said, it didn’t matter if children who attended Family Week went to a fish fry or a circus. What matters, he said, “is that they get to grow up knowing other families like theirs.”

If you’d like more information about Family Week, click here. And check out pictures from last year’s event.

With just one month until Provincetown Family Week, we have an exciting announcement! Family Pride will be live blogging from the shores of Provincetown throughout the week. If you’ll be attending Family Week, this will be a great opportunity for your friends and family back home to follow along on this transformative vacation. Or, if you’re unable to make it to Provincetown, you can participate in Family Week digitally through the live blogging event.

In many ways, this live blogging initiative will make Family Week a national event by including and connecting our families, friends and allies from coast to coast.

Who will be authoring the posts? We’ll be including as many voices as possible, including our entire staff and the friends we meet along the way. We’ll also be sharing pictures though our blog all week long.

If you’re a blogger or prospective blogger, you won’t want to miss our Blogging Workshop with Dana Rudolph from Mombian.com on July 29. Details coming soon! We can’t wait to see you at Family Week - whether it is in person or online!

The players: Lois (39 and the bio mom), Holly (30 and the non-bio mom) and Andrew (baby boy born 2/8/07). We have been together over 7 years, surviving a long distance relationship for 3 years and now live in Connecticut less than 10 miles from our respective childhood residences. We started trying to conceive in May 2005, one miscarriage and 7 attempts later, we ended up with the light of our lives! 

If I were to write about our family, I would describe us as this loving, fun and outgoing family. It’s a normal family, just like so many families with two parents and one kid. 
 
For the time being, it’s only a one-kid family. We’re seeing if we can keep this one thriving to the age of one, then we’ll discuss if we can handle more.
 
There are some people, however, who do not see our family as this wonderful environment that it is. Instead of getting angry (which we sometimes do anyway), we just set about living our lives sucking people in to see how much fun it is to be our friend, then pushing them graciously into acceptance by charming the pants off them.
 
We are not advocates in the full-time sense of the word, but we have made small waves here and there. Lois initiated a court battle for visitation of her non-biological twin daughters several years ago and now has visitation. While not generous is the time department, an unconditional bond between them is undeniable. We have also been in a few hometown newspaper articles from time to time, including the weddings in New Paltz, New York , of which we partook and our Sunday front-page above-the-fold color photo and article spread regarding our civil union ceremony on the first day they were legal in Connecticut. That sure made things easier to explain to high school classmates at our respective reunions.
 
How did we get here?
 
When I first met Lois, I don’t think starting a family was even within my comprehension of what our relationship would be. I was a waitress trying to decide find a path in life, she turned out to be my rock.
 
Within 6 months of our first date, I was in law school 3 hours away, coming into my own as a person and coming out to practically everyone I knew. It was invigorating!
 
With every person I was honest about who I was, I began to find more strength. I told my mom’s best friend before I could tell my own mother. Guess what? She already knew!  The responses from my family, friends, even my college sorority sisters (I was a Kappa Kappa Gamma if you could believe that) were so accepting and “oh please, we knew before you did!”
 
Both of our families are doing their best to accept and come to terms with our relationship. Unfortunately, Lois has hard a much harder journey with her family that took over 7 years to make the slightest progress. My family is doing okay. I do think my mother would like it if I were a little more “quiet” about it. But she’s dealing. 
 
I thought law school would be this conservative atmosphere of white collar, moneyed individuals that definitely would not “get” me. However, if I do say so myself, I think we turned out to be pretty darn popular. By third year of law school, I was the President of the student government, President of the gay and lesbian legal society and the team entry into the women’s home run competition at the intra-mural softball tournament. Lois was incredibly popular as well, due to her personality, of course, but also due to her generous cooking on her weekend visits!
 
We have many great friends and family members and maintain an open door policy, literally, in our home and everywhere we go. 
 
Over 7 years later, I look at our life and our family and cannot help myself from being amazed at our happiness in what we’ve created together.
 
It is our job to raise our child(ren) to be great members of our society. I will not be disappointed if my son is not a major league shortstop someday, but I think I will be disappointed in myself if we don’t teach him to respect people and bring something to the world that includes a life of love and acceptance of others.
 
We’re going to have a little vacation time in P-town during Family Pride’s family week with R Family Vacations this July. Hope to see everyone there!!!!
 
Here’s our family blog, a little solipsistic, yes. But we are trying to keep a journal to keep some things frozen in time and to just be able to laugh at ourselves from time to time. http://2mommies.wordpress.com

Provincetown Family Week is just around the corner! It seems like just yesterday we were parading the streets of Provincetown with our strollers and handmade “I love my family” signs! Last year was a spectacular success on every level: the workshops were powerful, the gatherings and special events were all a hit and the week instilled a tremendous sense of community for all of us. We laughed, we cried, we sang and we danced. And now we’re ready for the best year yet.

By now you know that Family Pride is partnering with R Family Vacations this year. And you know that there is no registration fee. Every family who travels to Provincetown for family week can participate. R Family Vacations will be doing what they do best by producing all the activities during the week (such as picnics, puppet workshops, dance classes, etc.) and we’ll be doing what we do best by bringing you a full array of guest speakers and workshops to maximize your fight for family equality. Our friends at COLAGE will be providing their programming again this year as well. You’ll need to register for COLAGE events on their website.

So what are some of this year’s highlights? We’re glad you asked. Here’s a small sampling of what the week will offer:

• Saturday: Sunset Family Beach Picnic
• Sunday: R Family Broadway Brunch (tickets required)
• Sunday: Family Pride’s Movie Night and PJ Party (for “r” little ones)
• Sunday: Broadway Belters @ the Crown and Anchor (tickets required)
• Monday: “Kiddie Shakes” – Shakespeare performance for kids!
• Monday: “Under the Big Top” Family Dinner (tickets required)
• Tuesday: “Classic Disco Family Tea Dance” (tickets required)
• Wednesday: Family Bonfire and Beach Picnic
• Thursday: “R-Mazing Race”
• Thursday: Family Pride’s Major Donor Clambake
• Friday: Farewell Luau (tickets required)

Though attending Family Week is free, some of the above events require tickets, all of which can be purchased through us. If tickets aren’t required, the event is free to the public!

In addition to these big events, there will be many gatherings and privately hosted workshops that you’ll be able to attend. Last years gathering included Families with Guatemalan Children, Families with Asian children, a Grandparents Tea and Families with children of African and/or Caribbean descent. We will keep you up to date on all the gatherings scheduled.

For more information, including answers to the most frequently answered questions, check out our Provincetown Family Week action center.