Family Pride’s Blog

A little over a week ago, we brought you the story of Cathy James, an OUTSpoken lesbian mom in Florida who attended the ultra-conservative Family Impact Summit in Tampa. In case you missed the story, click here. Today, Cathy speaks out about her experience.

I want to thank David for asking me to comment on my experience at the Family Impact Summit. Jim Burroway from Box Turtle Bulletin pretty much summed up the interaction I had with the panelists so I would like to tell you about the press conference and a few comments I have after 2 weeks of reflection.

When I found out in mid-August that a large group of national anti-gay leaders and speakers would be meeting in mid-September about 4 miles from my house, I was aggravated. Under the leadership of Nadine Smith, Executive Director of Equality Florida, a half dozen local gay leaders joined with some heavy-hitters of our own, to plan a press conference and witness rally on the afternoon before the conference started. Speakers at the press conference included: Nadine Smith, Equality Florida; Wayne Besen, Truth Wins Out; Rev. Irene Monroe, Faith In America; Sally Phillips, Hillsborough Florida GLBT Democratic Caucus; Rev. Phyllis Hunt, MCC Tampa; Marty Rouse, Human Rights Campaign; Barbara Leavitt, spouse of former ex-gay; Rev. Cedric A. Harmon, Americans United for Separation of Church & State; Michelle Kenoyer, a non-gay ally who lives about 5 miles from the site of the summit.

My aggravation turned to anger when my Florida District 56 State Representative Trey Traviesa and the Hillsborough County Supervisor of Elections became sponsors of the summit.

While planning the press conference I kept feeling that our response was too national. These bigots were in MY backyard and I was not happy about it. I talked with several friends about what WE could do. I didn’t want to waste a vacation day and $100 to attend the summit only to be told I am an abomination. We talked about a protest on Saturday. My Holy Spirit moment came when the summit opened up Free Sessions on both Friday and Saturday.

The Free Session on Saturday was a town hall entitled “Defending Marriage: What’s at Stake? My good friend Zeke and I signed up to attend. As a cradle Catholic who attended 12 years of Catholic school and 2 more at a Baptist college, I will never shy away from a discussion of religion. It was difficult sitting through the homophobic, ridiculous and illogical statements by the moderator Rena Lindevaldsen and panelists Peter Sprigg and John Stemberger, but my blood was boiling as the statistics expert Dale O’Leary said that I was much more likely to have psychological disorders and addictions than she was and that my partner and I are harmful to our child.

In pondering what I heard and what I said as scribed by Jim Burroway, I have the following observations:

• Be thoroughly familiar with what the anti-gay crowd is pushing to the religious community. They believe that they have a tried and true system to refute our demand for same-gender rights including marriage. The program, produced by Focus on the Family, is called Ten Persuasive Answers to the Question … “Why not gay marriage?” by Glenn T. Stanton. The pamphlet that accompanies the DVD they gave to all participants tells the reader to “Master the responses to these questions and you will be well-suited to defend the family.” You can study these questions here (1-5) and here (6-10).

• Do not ever be silent when someone is spewing hatred of our community. If you do not have the talking points or the courage to speak out, become an OUTspoken family. Family Pride will provide you with the materials to give you the knowledge and courage to combat our detractors. Seek out a Family Pride workshop or contact Family Pride and offer to help them conduct a workshop in your area.

• Do not accept bigotry as religious truth. Religious teachings that justify bigotry must not be sanctioned by our religious communities. Rather, they must be publicly exposed and denounced. Check out http://www.faithinamerica.info.

• Do not allow anti-gay bigots to use the “values” card. I am a values voter too! I value diversity. I value equality. I value my family.

• BE OUT & INVOLVED – It is so easy to stay at home and leave the work to others. Trust me, I did that until about 2001, but I found out that in Florida as a non-biological mom I have no legal rights in my child’s life. Be out in every part of your life – with family, at work, at church, at your child’s school. Serve on the board of your homeowners’ association, serve in ministries at your church, volunteer with the local or statewide LGBT advocacy group, volunteer at your child’s school, start a Family Pride chapter if your area does not have one.

• Financially support the work of Family Pride, other national, state and local advocacy organizations and political candidates that advocate for all citizens. Remember, they work hard for your family every day.

I’m not sure that this pontification is what David had in mind when he asked me to write a blog, but remember … be careful what you ask for!!

Cathy James is a founder and board member of Securing Our Children’s Rights, Inc., a statewide organization committed to repealing the ban on adoption by gay Floridians. She can be reached at cathy@ourchildrensrights.org.

We’d like to thank David for inviting us to introduce ourselves to the Family Pride blog community. I’m Jeff Bennett, community editor for ProudParenting.com and father of a toddler.

Proud Parenting is a new community gathering space for lesbian and gay men questioning the prospect of – or currently experiencing - parenthood.

We offer opportunities for our members to blog, post family pictures, and comment on 15 different areas of interest to the parenting community – including fostering, adoption, and surrogacy.

My illegal husband - of 17 years - and I started Proud Parenting to help spread helpful information and connect people with similar interests.  We know that sharing and connecting is very empowering for our community (and sub-communities) - and this isn’t the first time Mark and I have helped lesbians and gay men connect online.  We founded Gay.com in 1995, and worked on that project until we were ready to try other things.

We noticed the need for an online gathering place like Proud Parenting when our surrogate became pregnant with Chloe.  Suddenly, we were searching everywhere online to find other people like us.

Proud Parenting is definitely a passion project for us.  It’s sort of an extension of our love for our own family.  You’ll see pics of us and our friends - and you’ll find other families sharing their own stories and photos.

Please take a moment and say “hello” if you want. I know that we helped many others make love connections via Gay.com.  Women and men from all over the word have emailed to tell us they are in long-term relationships as a result of our first project.  Now we’re curious to see if any babies have resulted from our matchmaking!

We look forward to getting to know you all at ProudParenting.com.

Many of us remember Mitchell Anderson from Doogie Howser, M.D. Anderson came out publicly back in 1996, and has been OUTSpoken on human rights issues ever since. We came across this guest post that Anderson wrote regarding LGBTQ families on the Visible Vote ‘08 blog (on the logo website) and wanted to share it with you.

I first voted in a Presidential election in 1980, the year that Ronald Reagan dragged the Moral Majority into Washington on his long coattails.

Since then, anyone who does not belong to a two-parent, non-gay, child-bearing family has been vilified by The Right.
They have co-opted the family as their issue. They call their crusade a fight for Family Values and yet they represent only a fraction of the real families in America.

In this election cycle, I would like to see Barack, Hillary, John and the rest of the Democratic field get back into the fight for all American families. I want them to acknowledge that in 2007 we are not all in two-parent, non-gay, child-bearing families.

They need to speak for the single parents who are trying to earn a living; secure health insurance for their children; buy into the American dream by owning a home; and get a decent public education that relies on academic thought and not fanaticism.

They need to speak for the families of immigrants, with and without papers, who came to this country in search of a better life, many of whom do the work that other Americans won’t. These are families that need a voice as much as anyone else.
And yes, they need to speak for and fight for the millions of families like mine – two guys and a cat.

We are the forgotten families. We are getting up each day, going to work, creating jobs, giving back to the community and living kind and gentle lives - yet our government, whom we pay to work for us, barely acknowledges our existence and our unequal rights, let alone our worth.

I happen to live on a very blue island in a very red sea. My day-to-day existence is one of acceptance, honor and love. My partner and I, and our cat Elmo, are lucky that our lives are supported by our family, friends and community.

And yet, we are not protected by law. The list of “what straight people can do that we can’t” is too long. The inequities of GLBTQ families must be addressed on a national level by the President of the United States. He or she cannot hide behind the argument that the states should decide these issues. After all, this is not the lottery or the sales tax. This is about people’s lives.

GLBTQ families are denied access to the full benefits of American life that we pay for just like anyone else. The next President needs to bring all families into the American dream – because we all really do matter.

Last weekend marked the ultra-conservative, right-wing Family Impact Summit in Tampa, Florida. The conference, sponsored by the Family Research Concil (no surprise there!) amounted to little more than organized gay-bashing, and aimed to address such issues as, the “homosexual agenda”, “homosexuality & ministry” and “racial reconciliation.”

I recently read a post from a liberal blogger, Jim Burroway, who attended the conference. The blogger went to a town hall meeting titled “Defending Marriage: What’s At Stake.” According to the post, the town hall meeting concluded that LGBTQ people:

• all are prone to mental illnesses and physical diseases
• all have been abused as children
• all are substance abusers
• don’t really want marriage because we don’t want it to interfere with our promiscuity

Once the panelists would up their lie-filled diatribes attacking LGBTQ individuals and families, the meeting was opened up to questions from the floor. This is where it got interesting, as Jim Burroway recounts:

And the second questioner, a brave young woman wearing a red tee-shirt, was a stunner:

Hi. My names is Cathy James and I would like to challenge all of the individuals here listening today to really take a look at some of the rationale and some of the comments that speakers have given in regard to things such as …why government gets involved with personal relationships, that is, for the procreation of children. I think as most of the attorneys will tell you, that civil marriage was created for one purpose only, and that was property and how to divide property.
And so I am a lesbian, I live in the Riverview area with my partner of thirteen years and our son who is seven. And I go to work Monday through Friday and attend church weekly, I volunteer at the school, I volunteer at the homeowners association. And what I have a hard time understanding is why you are interested in keeping a legal framework from us in being able to handle the same things as heterosexual couples and such things as visitation, and hospital…. And how to divide our property in the same way, and how to parent our child?

The stunned silence was amazing. John Stemberger thanked her for coming and tried to stammer out an answer. He said that some forms of discrimination are perfectly legitimate (“home ownership benefits society in the way renters do not.”) and ended by saying, “marriage uniquely benefits society in the way same sex couples do not.” But Cathy remained calm and firm:

But in what way? What’s the difference in the benefit? How does your marriage benefit society more than my relationship with my same gender partner does not?

Peter Sprigg jumped in to assert that “without question” the best family structure was headed by a man and a woman. But Cathy persisted:

…But now you’re devaluing, what, over fifty percent of the children who live with one parent or that one parent as died or that they’re divorced and now they’re just living with one parent. You’re devaluing them and that’s not fair.

By now the panel was speechless, leaving Peter Sprigg to stumble around trying to get his footing. “Each person’s relationship choices serves as an example to the rest of society… and if that example becomes more widespread, more people will make the same choice, more children will suffer.”

So you’re saying a man and a woman in a marriage are valued higher than single people? They’re valued higher than…
Sprigg cut her off and instead of relying on his own outwitted wits, he decided to read from David Blankenhorn’s book, The Future of Marriage. And as he read, his voice rose, becoming more strident, more angry, more sharp with each word. “I would be rich if I had a nickel for every time someone who knows almost nothing about marriage has told me that historically marriage was all about property. That is nonsense!” But as he continued to spit out the words, it slowly dawned on him that Blankenhorn was talking about dowries and gifts to the bride’s family – which had nothing do with Cathy’s questions.

Clearly Sprigg is a man who doesn’t like having his reputation as an “expert” challenged. And it became obvious that he wasn’t up to this particular challenge. But he kept reading, vainly looking for the rescue that he was sure he’d find in Blankenhorn’s book. But it wasn’t there. He finally gave up and Cathy graciously thanked all of the panelists for their time.

For the two and a half days of the summit so-called “experts,” one after another, paraded from one stage to another convincing everyone who would listen that homosexuals would be the downfall of society. The solution? “Ordered Liberty Under God” went the oft-repeated battle cry.

But one brave woman burst through the bluster and showed that the emperors had no clothes. It was a wonderful moment, and for me the greatest highlight of the whole conference.

After circulating this post among the office, our Program & Education team recognized the name of that brave woman. She’s a well-known Florida activist and board member of Securing Our Children’s Rights. And, she’s agreed to write a guest post for our blog about her experience. Stay tuned!

Our members send us a lot of wonderful treasures - our office is decorated with family photos, drawings, school pictures - you name it, we have it! It’s really nice to have the personal connections and see the faces of the families we’re fighting for.

We got particularly excited when we received Different Families. It’s a book that was colored in by one of our families in the New York area. We knew we had to share it with you on our blog. Download it, print it out and share it with your children this evening.

I’m excited to share this cross-post with you, thanks to our friend Dana Rudolph of Mombian.com. 

The New York Times reported today on the Evesham, New Jersey School District’s decision to uphold a ban on the film That’s a Family, because of its inclusion of children with same-sex parents. (See my post on the matter.)

The Times tries to remain a neutral reporter, offering opinions both for and against showing such subject matter (depictions of same-sex families, not sex education) to children of elementary-school age. The big point they overlook, however, is that there are children of same-sex families already in preschools and elementary school classrooms. These kids know about same-sex families from birth—or at least from the point they can say “Mommy and Mama” or “Daddy and Papa.” This blows the whole “third grade is too early” argument out of the water.

When schools ban films and books showing same-sex families, they also make our children feel like oddballs and outcasts. No one would think of showing an educational film today that didn’t include racial diversity, and for good reason. Same principle should apply here. This isn’t a matter of teaching children about some distant community. This is about teaching children to respect others who may be sitting right next to them, sharing a juice box.

Furthermore, as I wrote a couple of weeks ago for Bay Windows (and have said before), “it is ridiculous to imagine notifying parents every time a child from an LGBT family wants to share family photos during show and tell or write an essay about going on an R Family cruise.”

They can ban curriculum items (films, books, etc.) that depict same-sex families, or have parents “opt out” of scheduled discussions, but to fully expunge us from the classroom, they’ll have to expel our children or limit their freedom to talk about their own families. And with most schools desperate for parent volunteers, do they really want to tell our children they can’t bring both parents to the school potluck? I make a darn good lasagna and my partner makes a mean batch of oatmeal cookies.

This story comes to us from one our members on Long Island. 

I thought there was nothing more stressful than taking my four year old son to an emergency room and subsequently having him admitted to a hospital.  But living in a country that is riddled with discrimination towards LGBT people and their families makes even this task more stressful.  Today, my son Joshua is home from the hospital and I am left with a horrible feeling about what transpired.

It all started early morning on August 13, 2007 when after treating Josh with all the available asthma medicine at home and consulting with his physician I got him ready to go to the hospital.  I packed his  pajamas, a few story books, paper with crayons, some toys, the medical insurance ID card and all of his medical records and drugs that I had administered.  As Joshua’s other dad, Andy (my “husband” for almost 22 years) was also coming with us to the hospital, I ran back to get Josh’s birth certificate.  I thought with that extra document no one would question having both of Josh’s dads in the emergency room. (Joshua’s birth certificate lists both of us as his parents)

As we drove to the hospital, I said to Andy that I was glad that I remembered to take his birth certificate.  As gay parents, we have discovered there are always other steps that we have to perform in order to be allowed to take part in some of the most basic parental rights like hospital visitation.  Most LGBT couples realize this about visitation rights of their partners in hospitals but as gay parents it has taken us a few years to get used to this same procedure for our son.  I am not suggesting that I agree with these procedures, it is just today’s reality.

In the E.R., while they were administrating the steroids and other treatments, the doctors stated they were amazed at how efficient and organized we were with all of Joshua’s medical records.  They said, “Most parents do not bring all this information, it is a real help”.  Those proud parenting feelings soon faded and turned into rage when they started the process of admitting Josh for an overnight stay.  We went from being organized parents to having to prove that we were parents in the first place.

The nurse politely stated, “Pediatrics, upstairs is asking me to ask you if you have all your adoption papers.”  When I asked this E.R. Nurse if any other parent at the hospital had to prove their rights over their children she said “No, I am just repeating what they asked me to ask you.  When you go upstairs you can talk to them in pediatrics.” Upon arrival to pediatrics the same question was asked of us.  The pediatric head nurse said, “I need these papers in order to admit Joshua.” I was very clear to that nurse when I asked her, “Did any of the other parents in pediatrics have to prove they were the legal guardian over the children they brought into the hospital?”  She did not answer that question.  I informed her that I did have my son’s birth certificate but not his adoption papers.  Although upset about feeling as if we were being treated differently than any other parent, I begrudgingly handed Joshua’s birth certificate over to the nurse.

I pointed out to the nurse that the two parents listed on the birth certificate were Andy, and myself.  When she informed me that the birth certificate would not be good enough she needed to make sure that Joshua’s mother would not have a problem with him being admitted, my blood pressure hit a new all time high!  I said to the pediatric nurse, “If you can see on the birth certificate (I might add the original birth certificate), Joshua does not have a mother.”  Listen she said, “I need his adoption papers, I do not want to have a problem with anyone claiming you did anything wrong.”  I asked as politely as I could, “Is this the procedure for all parents who adopt children?”  She did not answer but stated, “Look, I do not want anyone to come around and claim that they were Joshua’s mom….”  I cut her statement short with a louder and firmer declaration that JOSHUA DOES NOT HAVE A MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It took me a moment to calm down.  I did not want to have any problems admitting Joshua to the hospital when he clearly needed to stay.  I then stated to the nurse, “First, a changed birth certificate is issued after an adoption; there should be no need for any other papers.  Second, our adoption papers are in a safe deposit box and we could not get access to it at this time.”  I did ask her if she expected parents to carry around adoption papers all the time in case of an emergency.  Again, there was no reply to that question.  She took the birth certificate to copy and at one point dropped the issue of requiring Joshua’s adoption papers.

Joshua received amazing care at the hospital.  Although I will never be sure how much delay was caused by not having all the papers handy.  It did take us almost three hours to actually admit Josh to the hospital.  He is now home recovering from his ordeal.  My point in telling this story is to show the difficulties that LGBT families face at South Nassau Communities Hospital on Long Island, New York.  I am left to wonder what would have happened if during the stress of our situation I had forgotten to take Joshua’s birth certificate.  For now it appears that I should be walking around with my file cabinet attached to my back.  I have learned from past experiences with this hospital that I need to carry around my Power-of-Attorney and Health Care Proxy forms for me and my husband and now I will have to carry around our sons birth certificate and his adoption papers.  One never knows when an emergency will occur.  I do understand the concerns the hospital has with regard to these matters.  No one would want the oversight of their child to be anyone other then themselves or a chosen guardian.  The questions the nurse asked me might have been acceptable if they were asked to a single other parent at that hospital.  After asking other parents at the hospital if they were asked to prove parental rights, I found out we were the only family singled out.

For your reading pleasure, we’re reproducing a great article that ran in Friday’s Washington Blade, titled “Back to school with 2 daddies” by Katherine Volin.

Jennifer Chrisler knows the score on gay families. The mother of two runs Family Pride, an organization that provides support and secures rights for gay families.

When Chrisler took her twin sons to preschool, she picked a liberal, private school in downtown Washington. The school had a reputation for being friendly to gay parents and Chrisler and her partner, Cheryl Jacques, met with and came out to the principal and their sons’ teachers before school started.

“Then we got a letter, actually from their preschool teachers: Please remind your mom and dad …” Chrisler says. “I’m always amazed.”

Chrisler and Jacques called the school, set up another appointment and discussed the issue with the teachers.

“While we believe that what happens in 99 percent of these cases is that teachers just don’t think about it, not only did that leave our children out and make them feel like they didn’t have the right family, but … there’s a whole slew of people that get left out when all you’re focused on is having a mom and dad,” Chrisler says.

It’s issues such as these that Family Pride tackles in its Back to School fliers, which are available online. Suggestions on the fliers include sharing with the teacher which names each parent uses, talking about proposed curricula and offering books that include depictions of gay families.

Other gay parents are generally a wealth of information, too.

“One of the universal pieces of feedback that we hear from LGBTQ parents is that being proactive is the single best thing you can do to shape a positive environment for your child in the classroom,” Chrisler says.

Being honest about sexual orientation is critical, Chrisler and other gay parents say.

“The more open and honest we are, the better, in the schools because there are so many gay families out there,” says gay parent Kevin McGarry. “To be in the closet sends a message to the school, to our kids. To be open and honest about it makes it normal and acceptable even in red states. I come out every chance I get.”

McGarry is a father to two sons he adopted from Vietnam as a single parent. His work raising his sons, Andy, 9, and Vincent, 6, was the subject of a book he wrote in 2003, “Fatherhood and Gay Men.”

He now has a boyfriend, but even when he didn’t, McGarry was careful to be out with his sons’ teachers about being gay rather than wallowing in the ambiguous territory single parenthood can provide.

“I think it’s so much more obvious when two guys show up with their kids. When you’re single, it’s not so obvious,” McGarry says. “You could be a widower, [it] could be … the wife left and you’re raising the kids by yourself. It’s less obvious, so I think you just have to make more of an effort to come out to the teacher and I just think it’s important that the teachers know so that they can look out for any slurs or if my child feels bad because of something that was said.”

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day make for tricky holidays. McGarry says he tries to talk to teachers in advance to better handle the holiday.

“My kids always have a lot of issues right then,” he says. “It stirs up all kinds of stuff. So I also tell the teacher way ahead of time. They can do something for grandma or nanny or for the birth mom. We have a mommy box that they can put things in for their birth mom. Whether or not it would ever get to the mom is another story, but at least they can make something for her.”

When his older son, Andy, entered third grade last year, McGarry decided to talk to the principal, knowing that fourth or fifth grade would probably mark the beginning of other kids using bigoted language. Although McGarry and his sons haven’t faced any difficulties at school, that doesn’t mean they’ve been warmly accepted by everyone.

“When I talked to the principal, she said ‘We’re all-inclusive here,’” he says. “She didn’t embrace it, but she gave me sort of a pat answer. That was OK.”

Joan Garry, former executive director of Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, was a parent long before it was common for gay couples. Her successful attempt to adopt her partner’s biological child Sarah, who is now 17, marked the first second-parent adoption in the state of New Jersey when it happened in 1993. The pair also has a set of twins, Kit and Ben, 12.

Sending Sarah off to kindergarten caused the usual trauma.

Jennifer Chrisler (left) and partner Cheryl Jacques, former head of HRC, accompany their twin sons to an Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Chrisler says it’s important for gay parents to come out to their children’s teachers. (Photo by Ron Edmonds/AP)
“We were big wrecks, just like the straight parents dropping their kids off at school [but] instead of one female wreck, there were two female wrecks,” Garry says. “We had the good fortune of being able to settle in a town that had a reputation for being welcoming and diverse. The other thing … is we also kind of made a decision that I, as the non-biological mom, would take more of a primary role so that … in some ways I became the grown-up face of the family. That actually helps kind of create a balance for the school.”

Garry joined the school board and volunteered her time to show that even though her partner gave birth to the children, they were equal parents to them.

“Truthfully, at school, as with everything else as it related to LGBT people, it’s all about knowing us and seeing us — making yourself visible and making a contribution [by saying things like] ‘Gee, I’ll drive on one of the field trips,’” Garry says.

The goal, Garry and other parents say, is to be perceived as a family by the school, students and other parents.

“LGBT parents should remember how much they have in common with the other members of the PTA,” Garry says.

The burden is still tilted to the heavy end for gay parents, but that’s part of the gig, Chrisler says.

“It may be really unfair and it is, but at the end of the day, our No. 1 job is to clear the way for our child so they don’t have to do the work for us.”

The closet is a hard place to be. For many of us, we think of the closet as a distant memory. And some of us are still closeted, to varying degrees. Some of my LGBTQ friends aren’t out at work, or aren’t out to certain family members. In fact, my grandparents still don’t know that I’m gay - at the request of my mother. It’s a request that I’m finding more and more difficult to honor.

The closet presents a whole different set of challenges to gay parents.

For one, parents have to decide how and when to come out to their children. Knowing when to “come out” can be a real issue. For help tackling the tough questions, and arming yourself with the best age-appropriate language, you can download Family Pride’s Talking to Children About Our Families.

Interestingly, gay and lesbian couples may find themselves outted all the time - courtesy of their children. I immediately think to the many stories of children in shopping carts exclaiming to strangers, “I have two daddies!”

I’ve heard many lesbian mom couples complain that strangers often assume that they are sisters, asking “who’s the mom?” It’s a question that can’t be answered without disclosing your sexual orientation.

Some of us are in closets by choice, and some of us are in closets because people assume we are straight. This is especially true for bisexual parents with an opposite-sex partner. Many transgender folks pass, and many transgender folks identify as straight. Coming out of the closet doesn’t happen just once for most of us, it’s an ongoing journey.

For some good Sunday reading, delight in this article that recently appeared in the OC Register. The headline? “At 88, Laguna Woman Comes Out.” After a 44 year relationship with another woman, this article chronicles Loraine Barr’s decision to come out.

We’re excited to bring another guest post by Sara Whitman. Whitman is an author, blogger and lesbian mom. She chronicles everyday lesbian-motherhood at Suburblezmom.

There is a Summer Camp for Everyone

Remember going to summer camp? Buddy boards lined with swim tags, mess halls and bug juice served by the pitcher? The one obligatory long hike to a predetermined spot to have your overnight under the stars?

Camps of all boys or all girls, the YMCA and YWCA have the formula down pat and it hasn’t changed since I was a kid. My son Zachary is at such a camp right now. Dropping him off brings me back to such great memories I want to throw my stuff on a bunk, too. It’s a perfect camp for him, matches his personality and helps him grow in leadership and independence. The whole month away is his idea of heaven.

My son Ben has no desire to go to a place like that. No girls, no fashion and a month away from home? I don’t think so, he said to me. No amount of promised bungee jumping would change his mind. When Zachary explained to him when he was old enough he could even shoot rifles? Ben just rolled his eyes.

Whatever.

Ben is the kind of kid who loves the mall, shopping and a great ice cream. He loves to swim but doesn’t want to race anyone or jump off the next higher rock. He wants to talk about Paris Hilton and her latest achievements. His idea of a great book was the People Magazine special edition of the American Idol contestants- where are they now? He can tell you the top ten hits on the pop charts for the last four weeks. Continue Reading »