Family Pride’s Blog

With June’s arrival, we welcome in a month of pride in commemoration of the historic Stonewall uprising on June 28, 1969. We proudly celebrate all loving families in June across the country and around the world with Pride events, parades and festivals. Is your family attending a Pride celebration in your community? If you are, we’d love to see and hear about it. We’re accepting photo submissions and guest blog entries all month - we’d love to share your family with the blogosphere.

Our friend Stacy, who guest blogged last month, will be writing about her experience at Milwaukee’s upcoming Pride event. Stay tuned and get those cameras ready - we want to feature your proud family on the Family Pride Blog!

Send your photos and guest posts to us by clicking here.

On Tuesdays throughout the summer, our friend Dana Rudolph at Mombian.com will be posting interviews from a handful of our OUTSpoken families. The series is titled “Family Voices” and the first installment was posted early this morning. Dana stated:

One of the best ways to strengthen ourselves and our community is by sharing our stories. Blogs and online forums are a great way to do this, but I also wanted to expand our horizons and showcase the voices of families who are not necessarily part of the online community, or who have experience talking about their families in other media as well. Reaching out to Family Pride to interview people in their OUTSpoken program made perfect sense. These families are leading the fight to make our families visible and accepted, and I think we can all learn a lot from them.”

Family Pride’s OUTSpoken program has four goals:

1. We will fundamentally shift the way our families are talked about and treated in the media, in our communities and by our politicians by raising awareness about both the existence of and the struggle of our families.
2. We will arm thousands of LGBTQ parents and their allies with the information to speak to their co-workers, school officials, faith leaders, legislators and the media in their own communities not only with passion, but with authority and credible, indisputable information.
3. We will counter the vitriolic misinformation campaign being waged by the fundamentalist right with credible social science research, reliable facts and our own stories.
4. We will continue to protect our children by creating safe schools that both understand and support the vast variety of family structures.

Earlier in the year, one of our trained OUTSpoken families even appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show! Watch the video clip below:

More than a thousand people in almost every state in the country have been trained through OUTSpoken. Learn more about this exciting initiative by clicking here and stay tuned to Mombian.com.

It appears that early this morning a mass email was distributed to Massachusetts citizens titled “Urgent: Help restore traditional marriage in Massachusetts”. The email, penned by the radical right American Family Association, is in response to the upcoming June 14 vote in the Massachusetts legislature which will determine whether or not marriage equality will go to a ballot. This email states:

Massachusetts is the only state in the nation which legally condones and encourages homosexual marriage. If we can join together to defeat this radical agenda, it will send a strong message to our political leadership nationwide. You need to know that powerful forces, including the governor, attorney general, and house speaker are now pressuring your state legislators to vote against it. Take action…”

The email encourages donations, phone calls to representatives and forwarding the message of hate along to friends and family.

What can we do to counter this message? If you live in Massachusetts, visit www.massequality.org for an action center complete with legislator contact info and volunteering forms. If you don’t live in Massachusetts, let’s harness the power of our social networks and activate our community to stand up for equality. MassEquality is launching an aggressive multi-media campaign to get its message out. We’ve embedded one of the videos below.

Copy and paste the URL into an email and distribute it to your contact book. Link to the video on your MySpace page. Embed the video into a blog post and let people know what’s happening in Masschusetts. Let’s stand up for equality by standing up for Massachusetts!

Comprehensive Immigration Reform (CIR) is perhaps the most hotly debated topic today. It has an international reach, affecting tens of millions in the immediate and millions more to come. There is no one best opinion about CIR. The issues involved are too human for a one-size-fits-all approach, too specific to each individual, family and community affected. Likewise there is no one best political strategy when approaching reform—do we support Congress’s current efforts to alter (some say “improve”) the system, in the hopes that doing so will open doors to fixing the problems we see in immigration policy? Or do we, as an LGBTQ and ally community, oppose it because it doesn’t do nearly enough from the start to better the lives of LGBTQ immigrants, their families and friends?

I personally don’t have the answers to these questions. Neither does Family Pride. But as our organizational mission is to make sure that all loving families (living or connected to the United States) share equal access to the rights, responsibilities and benefits of being a family, we will continue to struggle with the immigration issues as the CIR debate grows.

For now, we can share with you some vital information about LGBTQ families directly touched by immigration and citizenship status. The following data has been pulled from a 2006 report by Immigration Equality. The report is entitled “Family, Unvalued: Discrimination, Denial, and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law.”

• As of Census 2000, 35,820 binational couples (meaning one partner has US citizenship while the other does not) live in the United States.
• These 35,820 binational couples equate to 6% of all identified same-sex couples in the US.
• Despite reform in the 1990s that struck down sexual orientation as a category by which potential immigrants could be judged, LGBTQ US citizens still can’t sponsor their long-term partners as family members.
• For more than fifty years, “family reunification” has been a primary goal of immigrant policy in the US. More than two-thirds of all legal immigration derives from family sponsorship. 
• The Federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) not only prohibits one state from recognizing the same-sex unions of another; it also defines marriage for federal purposes as a union between a man and a woman, making it impossible for LGBTQ US citizens to advocate for spousal status of their same-sex partner.
• To reunite with their families, many non-US citizens attempt to live in the US on temporary visas, usually for 6 month periods. But temporary visas are not a viable option for the LGBTQ partners of US citizens. People on temporary visas must show that they do not have motivations to stay in the US passed their legal period. A romantic relationship with a US citizen is considered proof enough of intention to stay (and denial of the visa).
• The process by which non-LGBTQ US citizens sponsor their partners for entry into the US is relatively simple. Non-LGBTQ couples basically show a US consulate that they intend to marry and that they’ve met at least once before in-person. This declaration begins the process. There is no process for same-sex couples.
• Current CIR attempts would make it possible for an LGBTQ US citizen to be convicted of “smuggling” their life-long partner if the partner reaches undocumented status.
• Legal relationships to children with US citizenship do not grant immigrant parents legal status in the US, meaning they can be detained and deported, regardless of whether they parent children with citizenship.

These facts and figures give us just a glimpse into the ways immigration policy discriminates against LGBTQ families and tears them apart. “Family, Unvalued” could also easily have been called “Family Fugitives,” so desperate are the families with immigrant parents to avoid the system’s heavy hand.

There’s a separate bill in the US Senate right now, intended to stop this discrimination. It’s called the Uniting American Families Act. Help pass the bill here. For more on immigrant and LGBTQ families, read the full report: “Family, Unvalued.” To better equip yourselves to speak out on these issues and more, sign up for an OUTSpoken Families Toolkit, the Family Pride guide to advocating for family equality in your own communities. 

Leave a comment. Let us know what you think/feel about immigration reform and our families. If you are a family touched by immigration, share your story below.

UPDATE:

The San Francisco Gate reports that ParentProfiles.com (a sister company of Adoption.com) will no longer do business with California. Read the clip from the Gate article:

Glen Lavy, an Alliance Defense Fund lawyer representing the company, said Tuesday that ParentProfiles.com will no longer accept profiles from California and will phase out all profiles from California within six months.

“The managers of the adoption profiles believe that it’s in the best interests of children to be placed with a married mom and dad,” Lavy said. “They believe that when there’s an option, children are better off having a married mom and dad than any other circumstance.”

I investigated both Adoption.com and ParentProfiles.com and found that not only do they bar same-sex couples from using their services; they bar all unmarried couples, as well. But you wouldn’t know it from reading their mission statement:

“Adoption.com is committed to helping as many children as possible find loving, permanent homes…We assist adoptees and birthparents to find birthfamilies, and we help hopeful adoptive parents make adoption dreams come true. We are especially committed to helping special needs children in the U.S. and around the world, who otherwise wouldn’t be able to find families.”

Their legal representation, the Alliance Defense Fund, is a major conservative organization whose purpose is to push “traditional family values.” We all know what that means. Adoption.com and its subsidiaries are just another example of right wing groups presenting themselves to the public as equal opportunity organizations when, in fact, they are not. If they truly cared about what’s in the best interest of children, they would seek out and serve as many qualified adults, LGBTQ or otherwise, to provide permanent, loving homes.

Respond to this bigotry. Show Adoption.com and ParentProfiles.com what our families are really all about—love and commitment, care and concern. Send a photo of your beautiful family to info@parentprofiles.com. Tell them your family story. Copy the e-mail to dustin.kight@familypride.org, so we can keep track of the response. And if you’d rather send it in the mail, their address is:

Adoption Profiles, LLC
459 N. Gilbert Rd.
Suite C-121
Gilbert, AZ 85234

Only as long as we remain invisible will these people be able to drag our families through the mud.

We’re honored to bring you this guest blog by Erin Davies.

On the 11th annual National Day of Silence (April 18, 2007), I was faced with an unfortunate tragedy, being victim to a hate crime. Because of sporting a rainbow sticker on my VW Beetle, my car was vandalized in red spray paint with the words “fAg” and “u r gay” placed all over the hood and driver side of my car. Despite immediate shock and embarassment, I’ve decided to embrace what happened and keep driving my car as it is in order to bring more public awareness to the blatant homophobia that exists in our society.

My mission is to drive my fagbug on a cross country trip and take it to as many diverse communities as possible. The goal is to get at least one million people to add fagbug rainbow stickers to their cars so that no one else will be targeted like I was again. Until that happens, my car will stay as is!

I’m working with a TV Producer in LA to get the “Fagbug Across America” turned into a reality series by a national cable TV Network.  The more visible this becomes, the more we can educate and create a dialogue around tolerance, and learn more about why we are so intolerant.

In our society we’re taught to cover something like this up right away, whether it be being a victim of sexual abuse, domestic violence, or a hate crime, we are taught to cover it up and carry that guilt and shame around with us on the inside. Had I covered the words on my car right away, (even though no one else would see them) I would still be haunted by them every time I looked at my car. By keeping them on, I’ve made a decision to give the general public immediate access to them, which has evoked a charged dialogue.  Lots of people think I should take my rainbow sticker off, lots of people think I should keep it on, lots of people think they’d beat the crap out of the person who did this, lots of people want to kill that person. What I am doing is sending a non-violent message to that person. By keeping the words on my car, I am hoping to find out who did this and be able to have a dialogue with them about what motivated them to do such a thing. Perhaps by uncovering the layers behind one person’s hate, I can prevent another’s from developing.

In making my decision to do the cross country fagbug trip, I’ve received over 2,000 letters of support from across the US, Itlay, Belgium, Spain, the UK, Australia, Germany and Mexico. Again, had I covered it up right away, I would’ve had very little support but now I’ve been able to connect with people around the world I wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.

At first I wanted to take my rainbow sticker off my car, and have nothing to do with it, but the more I thought about it the more I realized how important of a decision it was and that it had the power to not only impact me but the community at large.

Ways you can help with the fagbug campaign?

If you’d like to donate to my fagbug cross-country trip please send a check to Erin Davies / PO Box 683 / Albany, NY 12201

Another way to help is to buy a fagbug rainbow sticker and put it on your car! They are available through www.fagbug.com.

Stay tuned,

Erin Davies
Fagbug Driver

www.fagbug.com
erin@fagbug.com
www.myspace.com/fagbug

First there was Silo and Roy, then Tango, and now Carlos and Fernando. The two male flamingos at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust at Slimbridge in Gloucestershire, UK have joined the ranks of same-sex animals parenting together. While stories like this can be a great way to spark a conversation about (human!) LGBTQ parents, it’s important to remember not to get caught up in talking about animals, but instead to make sure that your own family story gets told.

Why is it so important to tell your family story? Well, research shows that non-LGBTQ people are more likely to be on our side if they know three or more LGBTQ people (and their stories) personally. Our families are talked about a lot, but are rarely seen. We need to make sure that we’re being actively visible so that everyone can see that our families are normal, loving families, just like theirs. Whether it’s someone who asks, “where’s the mom?” to gay dads in the pediatrician’s waiting room, or meeting with your legislators, it’s crucial to be able to know how to tell your story effectively.

Research has also found that what resonates most with people when fighting for family equality is not using words like discriminatory, unfair, and unequal - it’s being personal that makes an impact. Instead of telling your neighbor that your state’s current marriage status is discriminatory, tell them how the marriage status hurts you and hurts your family.

Download our telling your family story resource from our publications - it’s a fantastic way to get your story written down so that you can become comfortable and familiar telling it in a way that resonates with others and changes hearts and minds everywhere.

It’s no secret that the internet has had a huge impact on the way we communicate, connect and share information, and that a more dynamic, faster-paced world has been born. The internet has also brought the ability to network in ways never before possible. Thanks to sites like MySpace, the degrees of separation in the LGBTQ parenting community are dwindling to zero.

It’s also no secret that the Family Pride MySpace page needed a bit of a facelift. So, here it is: the newly fabulousified Family Pride MySpace page. If you’re on MySpace, add us a friend (and maybe even put us in your top eight) and check out our pictures! Let’s connect all the LGBTQ parents. Let’s make our community that much stronger.

What do you do with 61 beautiful family drawings by children in LGBTQ-parented households across the country? You create a free, downloadable eBook, of course!

This full color and print quality eBook reminds us that love is the uniting force in all our families.

We titled the eBook “my family loves me” for a very special reason. When asked on their drawings to fill in the line, “I love my family because…” these kids overwhelmingly responded, I love my family because my family loves me. It’s a sentiment echoed throughout these works of art. And it speaks to the importance of treating our families fairly.

We hope that you enjoy this book and spread its message far and wide. You may want to use this book as a tool with:

• your kids to talk about your family
• representatives because they write the laws that impact your life
• school board members to change hearts and minds
• other parents to show what you have in common
• teachers because they spend seven hours a day with your children!
• principals to build safer schools
• doctors and nurses so they understand the needs of your family
• faith leaders so your family is valued in your place of worship
• friends to celebrate your family spirit
• neighbors to create allies out of friends
• extended family to remind them that love truly makes a family
• supervisors to make your workplace more inclusive
• family service providers so they are better advocates for your family

A special thank you to everyone who contributed artwork for this book, and congratulations to Jordan (in California), Mia (in Massachusetts) and Rosie (in Pennsylvania) for winning the contest. To check out the winning artwork, click to www.familypride.org/contest.

Leave us a comment and let us know what you think of the eBook! Click here to download “my family loves me” (15 MB).

The Family Drawing Contest has been a huge hit - it’s making waves across the Family Pride community in the form of thousands and thousands of votes. Have you voted yet?

We’ve been getting lots of great feedback from the parents of the ten finalists. These kids are thrilled that their families are being recognized and celebrated by thousands of people across the country. Let’s show our continued support by rallying family, friends and coworkers to participate in this inspiring opportunity. Let’s spread the word far and wide. Vote now!

Winners will be announced at noon EST on May 16th at http://www.familypride.org. At that time we’ll also release “my family loves me”, a free eBook that you can download and share with your family containing all of the drawings submitted. Stay tuned for more information!