Family Pride’s Blog

Reminder: 48 hours until the deadline for the Family Poetry Contest! If you haven’t entered yet, click here.

As much of a Dan Savage fan as I may be, I admit that I have yet to read his novel, The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Savage, he’s an often outrageous and always hilarious columnist, author and gay dad.

While his adopting experience may speak in a special way to LGBTQ parents and prospective parents, it also resonates with more mainstream Americans. I was tickled pink when I stumbled across the blog of Sarah and Eric Hay-Sutton, a straight couple narrating their own international adoption journey in their blog, On the Way to Little Hay. Sarah read Savage’s book. Reprinted here with permission, here’s what Sarah thought:

The fact that Dan Savage, and his partner Terry were adopting as a gay couple had no bearing on me reading their story. Savage talks about his early desire to have children, including failed negotiations with lesbians, and how he and Terry signed on with an agency in Oregon who pioneered truly open adoptions in the 90s, a time when life-long birthmother and birthfather contact was still viewed as suspicious, threatening, and damaging.

I recognized so much of myself in their experiences - going to informational meetings and seeing the grief and despair on the faces of parents-to-be who were ‘resigning’ themselves to adoption as a ‘last chance’ to build their families. From the beginning, Dan and Terry are outsiders in the world of white, upper middle class, Christian couples wearing chinos and appealing to birthmothers. They wonder if any birth mother will ever choose them. Their agency has yet to place a baby with a gay couple. And yet, out of their homestudy group, they are chosen first, just a couple of days after going into “the pool.”

But she didn’t stop there. She posted her book review on an international adoption yahoo group - a group that is primarily non-LGBTQ parents and prospective parents. Speaking to the unique challenges that the LGBTQ parenting community encounters, Sarah wrote:

I would put this up there as essential reading for adoptive families. There is a sense of faith and hopefulness on every page. It doesn’t matter one bit that Dan and Terry are gay, although some of the statistics about our nationwide treatment of gay families is rather depressing. Florida, for instance, will not legalize adoptions in gay families.

Sarah got a lot of compliments about her book recommendation from parents who couldn’t wait to read the book. She also got one negative email saying that she was politicizing the message board and discriminating against homophobes. Now that’s a new one.

Kudos to Sarah for being an ally, and stepping up the plate. Believing is good, but it’s not the same as action. Sarah’s book review is a perfect example of a doable, effective action.

There are only so many LGBTQ parents - but the number of potential allies is huge. We aren’t going to win this fight alone. We need allies, like Sarah, on our side; allies that are not just talking the talk, but walking the walk.

In Family Pride’s own backyard, two sets of Lexington, MA parents are in the process of appealing a claim that public schools are “indoctrinating children by teaching about broader social inclusion” including LGBTQ families. They’re appealing to the 1st US Circuit Court of Appeals.

The judge ruled:

Public schools are entitled to teach anything that is reasonably related to the goals of preparing students to become engaged and productive citizens in our democracy. Diversity is a hallmark of our nation. It is increasingly evident that diversity includes differences in sexual orientation.

Dana Rudolph of Mombian responded:

Bravo. [The judge] then added that the couples could always homeschool or send their children to private school, or ask the school to excuse their children when same-sex families are discussed in the classroom. They have no right, however, to dictate what the school district teaches. True enough, and I hope the First U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals finds no less when this case comes before them.

We commend the Lexington, MA school system for stepping up and fighting for a diverse school curriculum. But how does your child’s school measure up? There’s no better time than the back to school season to check in with your school. Here’s a check list:

• Talk to your principal to let them know your child is starting school.
• Check for anti-harassment and bullying policies and procedures. If they don’t exist, help create them, and if they are not LGBTQ-inclusive help change them.
• Make sure that all school forms are inclusive. Forms should read “Parent/Guardian” instead of “Mom/Dad”.
• Find out who is on the school board and the PTA. Research their records regarding inclusiveness; be a presence; get involved.
• Introduce your family to your child’s teacher.
• Provide your teacher with the language your family uses - e.g. I’m “Mom,” Jill is “Momma,” or Jason has two dads.
• Discuss planned curricula to ensure that it is inclusive and accurate.
• Talk about potentially sticky situations like how you would like the teacher to handle Father’s or Mother’s Day and how to respond when other parents have questions about your family.
• Offer age-appropriate books that include LGBTQ-headed families.
• Organize a get-together with the parents/guardians of other children in your child’s classroom.
• Be one of the parents who helps and supports your child’s groups, clubs and activities.

This list isn’t exhaustive, but it’s a good start. For more tips on making schools safe and inclusive, download the Back to School Tool from Family Pride’s publication collection. And, if you have any additional tips, leave them in the comments below!

We are thrilled to announce Family Pride’s first ever Family Poetry Contest! Starting today, we are accepting poetry submissions based on the theme, “love is….” We’re excited to offer a huge list of fabulous prizes generously donated by our contest sponsors. To learn more about the contest, read the official rules, browse the prizes or submit your family’s poem, click to www.familypride.org/poetry.

Jennifer Chrisler, our executive director, penned a letter to contest participants:

Poetry is a powerful tool for communicating truth. Poetry says what sentences cannot and speaks in a language that connects all people at the deepest level. With this in mind, we created our first ever Back-to-School Family Poetry Contest!

As the dog days of summer wind down, and homework, school lunches and football practice once again consume our lives, I encourage you to sit down with your family and collectively draft a poem about this year’s theme: “love is….” Talk about the contest at a family dinner, during a family meeting or your way to practice. But most of all, have fun with this contest!

The contest is open to all families, gay and straight, moms and dads, grandparents, parents, single parents and guardians, so take some time and submit your poem today! All the submissions will be included in a spectacularly designed poetry book that will be available for download free from our website.

We encourage you to submit a family picture with your poem. Entries will be accepted until our midnight deadline on September 19.

Visit www.familypride.org/poetry for more information.

For most Americans, the Fourth of July is a day of barbecues, fireworks, family and fun. For all Americans, it is a reminder that the freedoms we enjoy stand on a bedrock of struggle—that all freedoms require continued struggle. And for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer parents and allies, the Fourth is a reminder that our rights are not yet full, that our families are not yet treated with equal respect. Nationwide we’re still denied the freedom to marry and the easy ability to protect our kids.

As you spend this Fourth of July with fellow revelers, make a point to share with others how your family is still denied the full promise of America: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness; freedom from want and fear; the ability to make important decisions about our children as we help them grow.

The people in our lives who love us the most—our extended family members, our co-workers and friends—cannot be expected to fix what they don’t know is broken. Be specific about how inequality hurts your family. Tell stories. Give them the good as well as the bad, because it’s our lives we’re talking about here, and we all have to work together to make change.

If you take a minute to open a heart and change a mind this Fourth of July, share your story with the 10,000+ readers of the Family Pride Blog by leaving a comment below. We must enrich and inspire each other with even the tiniest actions we take. Help us collect and spread the stories about how LGBTQ parents and allies honored American freedom by reminding others that those freedoms are not yet full, and that we must all work to get them there.

Enjoy the day. We hope it’s beautiful and inspiring for all.

To find out how to share your stories more effectively, check out OUTSpoken Families, Family Pride’s groundbreaking speakers initiative, designed to making speaking out for family equality all the more relevant to you.

Yesterday’s guest blog from Sara Whitman sounds like an oddly familiar story - traffic jams, long distance, kids in the back and their unending fascination with poop and pee (always a favorite). But, what stood out for me was the comment about driving a Volvo wagon. Volvo has been a long time supporter of LGBTQ families and committed to the work of Family Pride. While Sara’s joke about all lesbians driving Volvos was funny, it is a reminder that our community is loyal to those companies that support our issues and our organizations.    

So, we are looking for your help so that we can show Volvo that our community supports companies that support us.  

As Sara’s blog mentioned, we have many a Volvo driving around in our community and we would love to send Volvo pictures and stories of our members with their Volvos - old, new, family vehicles, buses, Volvos in all of their forms! If you own a Volvo or have friends or family members that do, please send us photos of families, friends and allies with their Volvos. Send along a story as well - of a road trip, general experience, family time in the car!  We want to be visible and thank Volvo for their support!  We will be sending Volvo all of the photos and stories we receive.  And, in exchange for your effort, we’ll send you a free Family Pride t-shirt just for participating!

Please send any photos or stories to David at david.jacques@familypride.org.  We look forward to seeing your faces and reading your road tales. Be sure to include your name and address so we can send you a t-shirt.

On May 25, 2007, I shared the news with the readers of Family Pride’s Blog that Adoption.com and its affiliates had lost an important court case in California. The company, which advertises itself as the #1 online destination for adoption services nationwide, was found guilty of discriminating against a gay couple under California law. The site refused to post the couple’s profile simply because they are gay.

Further investigation showed that Adoption.com, ParentProfiles.com and others are religiously motivated organizations with strong ties to ultraconservative legal groups, such as the Alliance Defense Fund.

Rather than ending their discriminatory behavior and continuing to service the hundreds of prospective adoptive families in California, Adoption.com decided to stop doing business in the Golden State. Family Pride responded by calling our members to action. Numerous families responded, sending messages to ParentProfiles.com. Family stories and photos were shared with people who claim that a married mom and dad couple is the only kind fit for parenting.

This could very well be the first time these people have experienced an LGBTQ family.

While we do not claim to have changed all of their hearts and minds this time, we know that starting the conversation with the fact of our families is the right way to go. To ensure that LGBTQ family voices are heard, we at Family Pride are now preparing a package of materials to send to Adoption.com headquarters in Gilbert, Arizona. Included in that package will be hard copies of each e-mail message sent to ParentProfiles.com and forwarded to Family Pride. Also included will be a letter from Family Pride’s Executive Director, Jennifer Chrisler, reminding these people what really matters when it comes to adoption: placing all adoptable children with loving, permanent families.

If you suspect that you’re the victim of discrimination based on your sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression, contact Family Pride or the legal organizations that protect our families: the National Center for Lesbian Rights, The ACLU LGBT Project, Lambda Legal and GLAD (New England). To report discrimination immediately, contact your state attorney general’s office. The attorneys general typically process civil rights and discrimination complaints.

In the meantime, read Jennifer’s letter, posted below. If you can’t read it, click to download the PDF.

With report card season upon us, we thought it would be smart to launch one of our own: the Rainbow Report Card. As promised, we are launching the beta version of the Rainbow Report Card today! Check it out at http://www.familypride.org/reportcard.

The Rainbow Report Card is not a survey. It’s an interactive tool that generates custom recommendations for your family’s situation with the goal of making your school experience better, safer and more inclusive of LGBTQ parented families. The recommendations are based on your school’s policies, practices and overall environment. No two schools are alike; the Rainbow Report Card recognizes these differences by custom tailoring recommendations and strategies to each parent or guardian’s situation. The Rainbow Report Card celebrates all loving families by ensuring safer and more inclusive schools.

Though we made this tool with LGBTQ parents in mind, it works well for any progressively minded parent. And, it’s fun to take and fitted with a live comments feed.

It’s in its beta version, so let us know if you can think of any improvements or suggestions for the second version.

It’s no secret that some of our most important work at Family Pride involves making schools safer and more inclusive. Last August, we released the Back to School Tool to support LGBTQ parents in making better schools for our children. The response was overwhelming, and by popular demand, we are pleased to announce the upcoming release of the (drum roll, please…) Rainbow Report Card!

What is the Rainbow Report Card? The Rainbow Report Card is an interactive tool that generates custom recommendations for your family’s individual situation with the goal of making your school experience better, safer and more inclusive of LGBTQ parented families. The recommendations are based on your school’s policies, practices and overall environment. No two schools are alike; the Rainbow Report Card recognizes these differences by custom tailoring recommendations and strategies to each parent or guardian’s situation.

It’s an exciting new feature that we’ll be launching (as a beta version) through our website on Monday, June 18th. So stay tuned, get excited and help us spread the word! We’ll announce the link in our blog on Monday.

President Bush has nominated Kentucky doctor James Holsinger as Surgeon General, the nation’s number one spokesperson for American health. Supporters of Holsinger note his 41-page resume, including teaching stints at various medical schools and serving as health secretary for the state of Kentucky. As for “qualifications,” the AP article goes, Holsinger “seems born to be surgeon general.”

But there’s another side to the story, a side of great importance to the LGBTQ community and our friends. James Holsinger has a long, recorded history of anti-gay attitudes, policies and positions. He’s presided over the ousting of various openly gay and lesbian ministers in his United Methodist Church, penned articles on the “physiopathology” (or the “abnormal function”) of homosexuality, and resigned from committees specifically because he feared the “liberal” side would win on issues of homosexuality.

With the LGBTQ population in the US estimated in the tens of millions, the question is: why would we ever send up a biased nominee to serve as America’s medical authority, when there are so many other accomplished physicians out there without bias ready to take the position? How come the extent to which this man is bigoted is the question–not whether he’s bigoted in the first place?

If Holsinger won’t stand up for the health and safety of all Americans, then he shouldn’t stand at all. And whether his views on homosexuality have changed over the years doesn’t matter; his public record against homosexuality sends a message to all LGBTQ people that he cannot be trusted.

Holsinger’s nomination will gain traction in the coming weeks. A Senate hearing awaits. If you are as alarmed by this nomination as we are, contact your Senators. Tell them to oppose divisive public officials. Tell them you expect better out of a Surgeon General, for all Americans.

*This post was written by Program and Education Associate Dustin Kight, on behalf of the Family Pride staff.