Family Pride’s Blog

A little over a week ago, we brought you the story of Cathy James, an OUTSpoken lesbian mom in Florida who attended the ultra-conservative Family Impact Summit in Tampa. In case you missed the story, click here. Today, Cathy speaks out about her experience.

I want to thank David for asking me to comment on my experience at the Family Impact Summit. Jim Burroway from Box Turtle Bulletin pretty much summed up the interaction I had with the panelists so I would like to tell you about the press conference and a few comments I have after 2 weeks of reflection.

When I found out in mid-August that a large group of national anti-gay leaders and speakers would be meeting in mid-September about 4 miles from my house, I was aggravated. Under the leadership of Nadine Smith, Executive Director of Equality Florida, a half dozen local gay leaders joined with some heavy-hitters of our own, to plan a press conference and witness rally on the afternoon before the conference started. Speakers at the press conference included: Nadine Smith, Equality Florida; Wayne Besen, Truth Wins Out; Rev. Irene Monroe, Faith In America; Sally Phillips, Hillsborough Florida GLBT Democratic Caucus; Rev. Phyllis Hunt, MCC Tampa; Marty Rouse, Human Rights Campaign; Barbara Leavitt, spouse of former ex-gay; Rev. Cedric A. Harmon, Americans United for Separation of Church & State; Michelle Kenoyer, a non-gay ally who lives about 5 miles from the site of the summit.

My aggravation turned to anger when my Florida District 56 State Representative Trey Traviesa and the Hillsborough County Supervisor of Elections became sponsors of the summit.

While planning the press conference I kept feeling that our response was too national. These bigots were in MY backyard and I was not happy about it. I talked with several friends about what WE could do. I didn’t want to waste a vacation day and $100 to attend the summit only to be told I am an abomination. We talked about a protest on Saturday. My Holy Spirit moment came when the summit opened up Free Sessions on both Friday and Saturday.

The Free Session on Saturday was a town hall entitled “Defending Marriage: What’s at Stake? My good friend Zeke and I signed up to attend. As a cradle Catholic who attended 12 years of Catholic school and 2 more at a Baptist college, I will never shy away from a discussion of religion. It was difficult sitting through the homophobic, ridiculous and illogical statements by the moderator Rena Lindevaldsen and panelists Peter Sprigg and John Stemberger, but my blood was boiling as the statistics expert Dale O’Leary said that I was much more likely to have psychological disorders and addictions than she was and that my partner and I are harmful to our child.

In pondering what I heard and what I said as scribed by Jim Burroway, I have the following observations:

• Be thoroughly familiar with what the anti-gay crowd is pushing to the religious community. They believe that they have a tried and true system to refute our demand for same-gender rights including marriage. The program, produced by Focus on the Family, is called Ten Persuasive Answers to the Question … “Why not gay marriage?” by Glenn T. Stanton. The pamphlet that accompanies the DVD they gave to all participants tells the reader to “Master the responses to these questions and you will be well-suited to defend the family.” You can study these questions here (1-5) and here (6-10).

• Do not ever be silent when someone is spewing hatred of our community. If you do not have the talking points or the courage to speak out, become an OUTspoken family. Family Pride will provide you with the materials to give you the knowledge and courage to combat our detractors. Seek out a Family Pride workshop or contact Family Pride and offer to help them conduct a workshop in your area.

• Do not accept bigotry as religious truth. Religious teachings that justify bigotry must not be sanctioned by our religious communities. Rather, they must be publicly exposed and denounced. Check out http://www.faithinamerica.info.

• Do not allow anti-gay bigots to use the “values” card. I am a values voter too! I value diversity. I value equality. I value my family.

• BE OUT & INVOLVED – It is so easy to stay at home and leave the work to others. Trust me, I did that until about 2001, but I found out that in Florida as a non-biological mom I have no legal rights in my child’s life. Be out in every part of your life – with family, at work, at church, at your child’s school. Serve on the board of your homeowners’ association, serve in ministries at your church, volunteer with the local or statewide LGBT advocacy group, volunteer at your child’s school, start a Family Pride chapter if your area does not have one.

• Financially support the work of Family Pride, other national, state and local advocacy organizations and political candidates that advocate for all citizens. Remember, they work hard for your family every day.

I’m not sure that this pontification is what David had in mind when he asked me to write a blog, but remember … be careful what you ask for!!

Cathy James is a founder and board member of Securing Our Children’s Rights, Inc., a statewide organization committed to repealing the ban on adoption by gay Floridians. She can be reached at cathy@ourchildrensrights.org.

As the 150+ citizens groups gathered together as UnitedENDA continue to fight for HR 2015, the fully inclusive employment nondiscrimination act, vital information regarding the failings of the new bill, HR 3685, is coming to light.

By now most of you know that the new bill no longer protects transgender people within our LGBTQ community. Protections for “gender identity” were specifically left out in the new bill. But that’s not all that happened to the ENDA this community has been working so hard to pass. According to Lambda Legal’s analysis of the new bill*, three other vital provisions are vulnerable in ENDA-2:

1. ENDA-2 does not protect people from discrimination based on “gender nonconformity.” In other words, it may be unlawful under ENDA-2 to fire someone for being “gay” or “lesbian,” but it will not be unlawful to fire that same person for being “nelly” or “butch.”

2. ENDA-2 no longer claims that an employer’s refusal to grant domestic partner health benefits to same-sex couples in a situation where they otherwise offer health benefits to opposite-sex spouses is discrimination. This backpedaling is based on marriage equality fears, not on the reality of what constitutes employment discrimination. Benefits given to some employees because their relationships fit “the norm” and not to others is a form of discrimination that should rightly be covered by any legitimate ENDA.

3. ENDA-2 gives in to religious-based discrimination by granting a blanket exemption to groups that claim a religious foundation. Religious exemptions should apply to legitimate faith-based institutions, not private companies that are run by religious zealots.

In other words, the issue of whether to support the original bill or the eleventh-hour substitute does not hinge solely on whether trans people are included or not. ENDA-2 is a watered down version of the ENDA we’ve all been fighting for. In this community we know we do not have many chances to pass legislation like the Employment Nondiscrimination Act. If we push an ineffective bill through now, we squander the opportunity to true achieve equality in the workplace. Still, even if these other provisions had remained intact, we would not support a bill that sacrifices unity for the benefit of some. A trans-inclusive ENDA is the only ENDA we want. For more information and opportunities to act, visit UnitedENDA.org.

*Note: Representative Barney Frank, who has championed ENDA for years and who most recently made waves by authoring the new version of ENDA, HR 3685, has responded to Lamdba Legal’s criticism in a blog post on Bilerico.com. On a personal note, I highly respect Rep. Frank and his outspoken efforts on behalf of the LGBTQ community. His thoughtful criticism was taken into account in writing this post. It should be noted, however, that Rep. Frank’s response to Lambda Legal has more to do with whether it’s politically feasible to include in ENDA the provisions discussed above, the provisions he altered or left out of the new bill. While I recognize the need to discuss political possibilities, I focused on Lambda Legal’s analysis in this post because I wanted to share a legal perspective on what the new bill does and doesn’t do, not whether it’s possible to pass a bill that does or does not do those things.

Just a friendly reminder, if you haven’t yet voted in the Family Poetry Contest, you better hurry! Polls close in just a few hours, so click to www.familypride.org/poetry to cast your ballot.

In a few weeks, we’ll be releasing a free, downloadable eBook of all the poetry submissions we received. We’ll announce the book on our blog when it is available - stay tuned! Trust me, you won’t want to miss it!

By now, many of you are aware that Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), an historic piece of legislation for the LGBTQ community, is on shaky ground on Capitol Hill. Nervous legislators are concerned that the original version of ENDA, which is transgender-inclusive, will not make it to the White House. Family Pride and countless other organizations are 100% committed to passing the original, inclusive ENDA.

We know - and history shows - that when you leave one group behind, you perpetuate inequality, not move it forward. In the past, lesbian, gay and bisexual people have been pushed out of legislation in order to pass a watered down version. To our lesbian, gay and bisexual readers out there, let’s not play the same games that have been played with our lives. Let’s make sure the original ENDA passes, with transgender inclusion intact! Some in our community will argue that we should pass the non-inclusive ENDA now and come back later to protect transgender people. Let’s be clear: even in the state of Massachusetts - the only state in the nation with marriage equality - employment nondiscrimination was passed without transgender inclusion years ago, which it still lacks to this day.

Family Pride tips its hat to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) for leading the fight for an inclusive ENDA. Visit the Task Force’s action center to participate in this historic fight, taking the side of true equality - not equality for some on the backs of others.

As many of you may know, during last night’s Democratic presidential debate, a question was asked about LGBTQ families. The question was:

The issues surrounding gay rights have been hotly debated here in New England. For example, last year some parents of second graders in Lexington, Massachusetts, were outraged to learn their children’s teacher had read a story about same-sex marriage, about a prince who marries another prince.

Same-sex marriage is legal in Massachusetts, but most of you oppose it. Would you be comfortable having this story read to your children as part of their school curriculum?

Then, today, Republican candidate Mitt Romney slammed the Democrats in a press release on his website:

Last night’s debate was just the latest example of how out of touch the Democratic presidential candidates are with the American people. Not one candidate was uncomfortable with young children learning about same-sex marriage in the second grade. This is a subject that should be left to parents, not public school teachers. We need to strengthen our families by passing a federal marriage amendment and also insisting on marriage before having children. Change in Washington requires Democrats with the courage to stand-up to their ultra liberal base and do what’s right for our children.

Family Pride is monitoring these developments and putting together a plan of action to educate the candidates and media. As we put together our plan, give us feedback through our comments. We want to know your thoughts.

We will keep you posted as the developments unfold.

Our members send us a lot of wonderful treasures - our office is decorated with family photos, drawings, school pictures - you name it, we have it! It’s really nice to have the personal connections and see the faces of the families we’re fighting for.

We got particularly excited when we received Different Families. It’s a book that was colored in by one of our families in the New York area. We knew we had to share it with you on our blog. Download it, print it out and share it with your children this evening.

If there’s one thing you do today, you should watch this video. It’s currently making the rounds online.

In this touching, un-edited clip, the Republican mayor of San Diego announces that he supports marriage equality. He says that he can’t look his lesbian daughter or gay staffers in the face and tell them that their love is unequal.

Watch the clip and let us know what you think.

Are you sad or mad every time you see ads, commercials, or general images of “family” and there are no lgbt families in sight? Well, we found an amazing opportunity to visually showcase our families!

Snapfish.com is looking for photos to complete a project called - America at Home project - the largest collaborative photo project ever attempted.

Join some of the best photographers in the world who are taking photos of particular topics relating to the rituals, events and emotions of Home. Each day you will receive an assignment (see web site) and will be invited to join the clicks heard ’round the nation. You will submit your photos of the people, places and things that best describe what Home means to you and perhaps have one selected for inclusion in the America at Home book and exhibition.

Opportunities like these, give us the chance to change hearts and minds by simply seeing us as “normal,” or “equal” to the traditional concept of a mom and dad equaling family. We are just as loving, supportive, silly, fun, boring, etc. as our non-lgbt counterparts. So snap away and help us continue to shift the paradigm and share the love!

Click here to learn more about the project. It’s online activism made easy.

For a quick, doable action - sign Equality California’s 2007 Marriage Petition. Why? According to Equality California:

Because California lawmakers have once again made history by passing AB 43, the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act. For the second time, the Legislature has passed a bill, authored by Assemblymember Mark Leno and sponsored by EQCA, granting same-sex couples the choice to marry.

In 2005, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed the marriage bill, and now we have a second chance to urge him to support fairness and equality for all Californians. We have a second chance to let the governor know that we aren’t going anywhere – and that our numbers are growing.

Even if you’re not from the Golden State, let’s send a message of strength in numbers to Gov. Schwarzenegger! Sign the petition today!

In stark contrast to adoption.com, parents.com is welcoming lesbian mom, author and blogger, Harlyn Aizley, to their site. Parents.com is owned by Meredith Corporation (publishers of Family Circle Magazine, Parents Magazine, House Beautiful, etc.)… so, needless to say, this is a big step for them!

So, take a look at blog, and maybe leave a comment or two - the louder we are and the more frequently we visit the site, the louder the applause for their decision to have all loving families represented on parents.com.

Not to mention, the blog is well written, funny and all around, a good read. Click here to check it out.