the closet & LGBTQ parents: an ongoing journey
David on Sep 9th 2007
The closet is a hard place to be. For many of us, we think of the closet as a distant memory. And some of us are still closeted, to varying degrees. Some of my LGBTQ friends aren’t out at work, or aren’t out to certain family members. In fact, my grandparents still don’t know that I’m gay - at the request of my mother. It’s a request that I’m finding more and more difficult to honor.
The closet presents a whole different set of challenges to gay parents.
For one, parents have to decide how and when to come out to their children. Knowing when to “come out” can be a real issue. For help tackling the tough questions, and arming yourself with the best age-appropriate language, you can download Family Pride’s Talking to Children About Our Families.
Interestingly, gay and lesbian couples may find themselves outted all the time - courtesy of their children. I immediately think to the many stories of children in shopping carts exclaiming to strangers, “I have two daddies!”
I’ve heard many lesbian mom couples complain that strangers often assume that they are sisters, asking “who’s the mom?” It’s a question that can’t be answered without disclosing your sexual orientation.
Some of us are in closets by choice, and some of us are in closets because people assume we are straight. This is especially true for bisexual parents with an opposite-sex partner. Many transgender folks pass, and many transgender folks identify as straight. Coming out of the closet doesn’t happen just once for most of us, it’s an ongoing journey.
For some good Sunday reading, delight in this article that recently appeared in the OC Register. The headline? “At 88, Laguna Woman Comes Out.” After a 44 year relationship with another woman, this article chronicles Loraine Barr’s decision to come out.
