not a “civilian gay” anymore!
nina on Sep 5th 2007
Well, I have just finished my third week at Family Pride and am beginning to settle in. I am really excited to back doing professional advocacy work for the lgbt communities again. I have worked for SpeakOut, a Boston-based lgbt speaker’s bureau, and GLSEN Boston. I made a concerted decision to become a “civilian gay” as my friends like to refer to my departure from the professional lgbt world. When I entered back in the mainstream nonprofit world, I found working with heterosexual individuals was more difficult than I remembered. There were lots of awkward moments when people found out I was a lesbian, sad moments when someone I thought was a friend said something homophobic, and overall lots of exhausting moments having to the goodwill ambassador for the lgbt community with people who had never talked to a lesbian before.
All that is not to say, that I didn’t meet and work with some great folks in those four years. I did. But all that explaining of who I was, how I loved who I loved, and that we were a family (with our beloved pug, Bella, of course) was exhausting. My work at SpeakOut came in handy, because everyday I hosted a bunch of mini-lgbt 101 trainings. And while it was trying at times, I know I changed hearts and minds.
One of my former colleagues had a baby and he called me to tell me about a conversation someone was having with him about his daughter marrying a man someday. He corrected that person and said, “well, you never know.” Before we worked together, he had never had a serious conversation with a lesbian about gender, sexual orientation, the politics working against us and our families. I truly believe he is an ally now and will always be listening for assumptions AND correcting them.
I am looking forward to moving beyond simply educating the people immediately around me to taking our message of love, justice, family and equality to communities all over the country so positive changes that affect our kids and families will be felt for years to come.
