Family Pride’s Blog

We noticed something interesting about this year’s Family Week in Provincetown. Many of the families that were in attendance didn’t have queer parents. We weren’t the only ones to notice this trend. The Cape Cod Times wrote an article titled P’town gathering brings straight, gay families together:

For Darrell and Bernice, a straight couple, ages 43 and 37, respectively, the week is about spending time with their gay friends and beginning to include Fiona in that circle. “We have many, many lesbian couple friends,” Darrell Smith said. “We have single lesbian friends, single gay male friends. We have friends that are a gay couple and they have twin boys. We just think it’s about getting together with people.”

About 85 percent of the parents who attend Family Week are gay, Chrisler said, but that composition is slowly changing. “I think gay families are more willing to bring their straight family members along, whereas 10 years ago this is something they would have kept to themselves,” Chrisler said.

That means there were a few hundred non-LGBTQ aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends and neighbors in attendance. When these individuals go to the voting booth in the next election cycle, how do you think they’ll vote? When non-LGBTQ America attaches names, faces and stories to our struggle, it can be a mind, heart and life-changing experience.

A few years ago, Mike Conway, a straight father, penned this op-ed for his local paper about his experience.

For my vacation this year I spent a week on Cape Cod, a week that changed my life. I spent the week in Provincetown volunteering at Family Week. As a straight 40-year-old father of two, why was I spending my summer vacation volunteering at an event celebrating and addressing the needs of families with gay and lesbian parents? Three reasons: first my family has friends within the sponsoring group, Family Pride Coalition, second I am currently unemployed so I was available, and third a career counselor told me I needed a volunteering item on my resume. But my experience during Family Week turned out to be far more significant than the sum of all of these.

While I have been a supporter of gay marriage and gay rights, it had always been from an intellectual standpoint and from outside the issue. I supported gay rights because equality seems only logical. But during the course of my week in Provincetown, surrounded by the reality of hundreds of gay families, I began to emotionally understand and appreciate the struggles these parents and children face every day: children ostracized and threatened at school and on the playground for having two moms, parents in crises denied access to civil and legal resources, and the stares and antagonism that gay parents and their children constantly endure. As a straight, white guy, I have never even been close to facing these sorts of things. But to the parents and children participating in Family Week these issues are all too real, they cut to the heart and spirit of humanity.The issue for them is about loving families, nothing more.

To see children aged four and five excited because they get to march in a parade and carry home-made signs that read simply “I Love My Dads” or “I Love My Lesbian Mom” struck an emotional chord in me that I was not prepared for. As a parent, I know the unconditional love that grows exponentially between parents and children. I cried throughout the week. I cried a lot. I can only imagine how difficult life would be for my family if our love was constantly questioned by strangers, colleagues, teachers, doctors, the courts and the country as a whole.

Growing up in the 70’s, I learned all the stereotypes, bigotry and prejudices of my Northeast Philly roots. Smear the Queer was a popular schoolyard game. As children, we had no idea what the name of this game implied. I had to learn to question and examine the assumptions, beliefs and values of my upbringing. I now consider myself a relatively open-minded person. But Family Week was my first experience at being an open-hearted person. Families, whatever they look like, are about love and nothing else. Sexual orientation, gender, race, none of these matter to a child. Every family is different in thousands of ways, which makes every family equal. Denying equal treatment to anyone, to any family or child is just wrong. Just as denying civil and voting rights based on gender or race was a stupid, small-minded thing to do, so is denying equal rights based on sexual orientation. It’s simply a waste of energy that could be devoted to addressing the myriad real problems, such as poverty, that families and children throughout the world face.

This post comes from Michael Crawford, an African-American activist and blogger based in Washington, D.C. He has more than fifteen years of experience working on HIV/AIDS, choice and LGBT civil rights issues. He is a former Associate Field Director for the Human Rights Campaign and was an organizer for the Millennium March on Washington.

Terry Magnum, a 26 year old from Houston, said in a jail house confession that he was called by God to carry retribution against a gay man because sexual perversion is the “worst sin”. Magnum stabbed 46 year old Kenneth Cummings Jr to die last month after luring him from a gay bar. Magnum then buried Cummings’ body on a farm owned by Magnum’s grandfather.

Here is another attack against a gay person while the religious right continues to spew viciously anti-gay rhetoric, the Republican Party uses homophobia to win elections and Congress is still unwilling to pass a federal hate crimes bill.

Its not shocking or surprising that evangelical so-called Christians like James Dobson, Pat Robertson and Fred Phelps use the bible to dehumanize LGBT people and our families in much the same ways that their right-wing religious forefathers used the bible to justify slavery and the subjectgation of women. They have repeatedly claimed that we are destroying Western civilization and defiling the “sanctity of marriage” with our demands to be able to marry. They have said that our very existence so angers God that he will continue to rain down fire and brimestone and Hurricane Katrina like natural disasters in outrage at our supposedly wicked ways. And, they have claimed that we are a serious threat to the well being of children even as studies show that the vast majority of child molesters are white, heterosexual men.

The murder of Kenneth Cummings Jr is another example of the religious right’s hate speech made flesh. They have created an environment in which LGBT people are seen as sub-human, an affront to God and a virus that needs to be exterminated.

This is the kind of opponent that we are facing in our fight for dignity, equality and the right to be who we are without shame and without fear. This means that not one of us can continue to sit on the sidelines while a small number fight to create social space in which we are treated equally under the law, in which LGBT youth no longer see their sexual orientation or gender identity as something to be hidden or ashamed of and in which we are not simply tolerated, but accepted and affirmed for who we are and what we contribute to society.

There is no easy answer or silver bullet that will unroot the heterosexist beliefs that are so deeply engrained in our culture. But, the first step must be that each and every one of us has to come out, be visible and stand our ground.

No more hiding.

No more excuses about homosexuality only being a part of who you are.

No more claims of not being political.

And, most importantly, no more making excuses for those who deny us our humanity and civil rights.

Thanks to our unprecedented growth, we’ve created a new position on our staff; we’re thrilled to welcome Nina Selvaggio as our Director of Policy & Program.

Nina is an advocate who has deep experience with community organizing, professional development, operations management and strategic leadership; over the past ten years, she has built coalitions and worked with communities around issues of education and social justice.

After earning a degree in Political Science and Women’s Studies from the University of Illinois-Urbana, Nina began her career as a Field Organizer for the Feminist Majority Foundation and has served in a number of similar campaign and community organizing roles since.  She ascended to the Executive Director position at SpeakOut in Boston, a role that she held for over three years before moving on to direct the Youth Violence Prevention Coalition at GLSEN Boston.  She also worked in the Massachusetts State House for State Treasurer Timothy Cahill and for the national organization Citizen Schools.  Nina’s dedication to social responsibility and activism extends into her personal time, as well; she has served the National Organization for Women in several roles, including the President and Political Action Committee Chair of Massachusetts and on the National Board representing the Northeast region.

Join me in welcoming Nina to team family equality!

Back in may, we issued a call to action against adoption.com because it refused to post adoption profiles for same sex couples. By mid-June, several families had submitted their personal stories to the adoption website, and our Executive Director, Jennifer Chrisler, penned this letter to the owners.

The court ruled that if adoption.com wants to do business in California, it must allow same-sex couples to post profiles on the site. As a result, the owners of adoption.com, Nathan and Dale Gwilliam, stood up against equality and refused to do business with California. It’s a shocking twist that has left many Californians - LGBTQ and not - very upset. It’s a shame that Californians won’t have access to the many resources that the site offers.

Media coverage of the situation has been picking up steam with articles in Gay News Bits and the Arizona Republic.

A national gay and lesbian advocacy agency has launched a campaign to persuade one of the country’s leading adoption Web sites based in Gilbert to allow people of all sexual orientations looking to adopt to post profiles on the site.

Family Pride, based in Washington, D.C., launched the campaign in late May in response to a settlement reached earlier that same month.

The settlement stems from an anti-discrimination suit filed by a California male couple against Gilbert-based Adoption Profiles LLC, after the company refused to post the couple’s profile on its Web site, www.ParentProfiles .com, for birth parents to see.

Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of Family Pride - which focuses on equal rights for families headed by lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender parents - said her organization’s call to action encouraged same-sex couples to send letters and photos of their families to the Gilbert business. At least 50 families, she said, have responded to date.

Attorneys from Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe and the National Center for Lesbian Rights, who acted as co-counsel for domestic partners Michael and Rich Butler, asserted that the adoption business violated the Butlers’ rights under California anti-discrimination law, which protects against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, marital status and gender.

The Alliance Defense Fund, a pro-Christian legal organization, defended the company and its owners, Nathan and Dale Gwilliam, who were named in the suit. The Gwilliams’ attorneys held that the Butlers’ rights were not violated because the business operates under Arizona law, which does not prohibit discrimination against people on the basis of marital status or sexual orientation.

The settlement, reached on May 22, prohibits Adoption Profiles from posting profiles of California residents on its Web site “unless the service is made equally available to all California residents qualified to adopt in California.”

Neel Chaterjee, an attorney who represented the Butlers for free, said that the couple were pleased with the settlement because it requires all California residents be treated equally. He added that the settlement did not include a financial payout for the Butlers because they were not seeking money.

Calls to Adoption Profiles representatives and attorneys were not returned.

In response to the settlement, the Alliance Defense Fund announced May 22 that Adoption Profiles “will no longer accept profiles from California residents. . . . Californians are poorer for this attempt to misapply the non-discrimination laws of California to the Internet business of an Arizona company.”

Chrisler of Family Pride said that the company’s decision is upsetting because it bars thousands of parents looking to adopt from using on one of the largest adoption Web sites in the nation.

The decision also has upset some Valley residents who have placed a child up for adoption.

Kym Hager, 34, of Surprise, said she chose a lesbian couple to adopt her daughter 11 years ago and has no regrets. Hager said she is furious that the Web site does not market itself as an adoption business that only accepts heterosexual married couples.

Until recently, same-sex couples suffered from discrimination when it came to adopting in Israel. But now, all of that is changing:

The Welfare Ministry has decided to facilitate the process of child adoption for same-sex couples and single-parent families in Israel, and has recently granted 30 lesbian couples permission to adopt a child together, or to adopt their partner’s child.

Until recently, same-sex and single-parent families have suffered legal discrimination, as the law in Israel permits only “normative” households, namely those composed of a man and a woman, to adopt in Israel.

However, a committee founded by Welfare Minister Isaac Herzog to review the issue has formulated a new plan that would enable gays and singles to adopt children in the country. Those wishing to do so would be required to undergo routine tests to evaluate their parenting abilities, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Herzog’s initiative was lauded by organizations that support same-sex families. Attorney Ira Hadar, one of the leaders of the legal struggle for same-sex families who herself adopted children with her partner, said that the new plan would make life easier “for thousands lesbian families and dozens of gay families that raise children together but are not registered as their adopting parents.”

A few weeks ago, Rupert Everett (the well-known and openly gay actor) spoke out against gay parenting. It’s shocking when a member of our own community speaks out against family equality - especially a member with so much clout and influence. Everett stated:

Oh God, I could never do that to a child. Can you imagine what it would be like, having your two dads coming to school speech days? And hearing those awful queeny rows while you are trying to get to sleep?

Of course, it wasn’t long before the conservative bloggers and media outlets picked up on the story. The ultra-conservative Politik Ditto responded to Everetts quote:

Wouldn’t be surprised if you asked most kids, force(d) to live in gay households, shared similar feelings. But of course, for liberals it’s never about the children.

It’s one of the most ignorant quotes that I’ve heard in a long time. I think Politik Ditto should ask the children of LGBTQ households what they think. Of course, I’m sure the answers would be the same as any children “forced’ to live in a non-LGBTQ household. “Forced” is certainly an interesting choice of words. Are adoptive children of gay parents “forced” out of the overcrowded and under funded foster care system into loving homes with gay parents? I’d tend to think they’d welcome the change. It’s simply loaded language to prove a point that just doesn’t make sense.

I’d like the Politik Ditto to tell Mary Keane that it’s “not about the children.” What a slap in the face.

Maybe Rupert Everett needs to speak for himself and not the whole community. Sure, he might make a lousy father, but it’s not because he’s gay. Perhaps we should invite him to Family Pride in the Desert so he can learn that love truly makes a family. What do you think?

Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend and Terrance Heath of the Republic of T (and gay father extraordinaire!) were two of the several bloggers that got to sit down with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi for breakfast. You can read about the breakfast on Terrance’s blog, or by reading this post on Americablog.com.

Terrance, always being on message with family equality, asked the speaker a question about the many challenges that we face.

As a working father of a four-year-old, with another on the way [Ed. Note: At this point the Speaker gave me a big smile and said “Congratulations!”], and as a gay dad I’d like to hear more about strengthening families. How do we do it in a way that strengthens all families, and that recognizes the reality of diverse families; families where both parents work, families where parents aren’t married to each other, families where the parents can’t marry each other, single parents, etc.?

Pelosi “stammered” for a minute according to Terrance, and then responded with this paraphrasing: “we should already be there, and we can get there by supporting the current agenda.”

But what exactly does that mean? It means that, according to Pelosi, someday we’ll be able to legally secure family equality but we’re just not there yet. Pelosi doesn’t believe that rights we’re all fighting so hard to obtain are a current possibility. They’re not on her agenda, but maybe they will be in the future.

Pam’s commentary hits the nail on the head:

The fact of the matter is that too many who should be in our corner are “not there,” as in “we understand but are not willing to spend political capital on you — but please open your wallet for me.” There’s always some political obstacle standing in the way, and the onus has always been on LGBTs to convince the general public that we are entitled to civil rights taken for granted by most Americans. Many of our Democratic “allies” in office aren’t ready to come along until the public approval ratings hit the right target number for them to feel comfortable taking political risks (or, perhaps more accurately, doing the right thing).

That said, Speaker Pelosi is well-known as an ally for LGBT rights; she is working to pass the hate crimes bill and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. She will be the keynote speaker at HRC’s annual dinner, where she will receive the 2007 Equality award for her leadership on LGBT issues. It just shows you how some of these topics need better framing and more open discussion — we can all learn more on how to move these issues forward.

Yesterday, we asked for family photos in our eNewsletter and the response was overwhelming! So, I decided to share some of the many photos with all of you in this heartwarming slideshow. Enjoy - and keep those pictures coming!

Even in a week devoted to rest, relaxation and family fun, Family Weekers make time in their days to learn and grow together as a community. We know that Family Week and other family gatherings started as a way for families with LGBTQ parents to get together, provide safe spaces for their kids to play, and build community around issues that matter–parental rights, marriage equality, finding and making safe schools. We continue this tradition with Provincetown Family Week 2007, providing workshops on topics from getting active in schools to building better relationships as LGBTQ parents. You can see a full list of workshops on the Family Pride website, at www.familypride.org/familyweekcomingsoon.html.

Yesterday morning I had the privilege of presenting on the Rainbow Report Card and other tools Family Pride provides to parents to make their schools safer and more inclusive of all loving families. We had a large crowd, about 70 parents, sitting in rows with note pads out and pens in hand, ready to learn. We talked about how lasting change starts from the ground up, that every situation is different, and that all parents need to be as out as they safely can be–with their children, within their school community, etc.–in order to create open, honest dialogue about the challenges they face.

Bay Windows, New England’s LGBT community newspaper, was there, taking photos at the workshop and talking to families. Check out their website to see if Family Week coverage is up!

Sadly, I’m going to have to wrap this one up more quickly than I thought, as I now have to set up at the pier for another workshop–The Toughest Questions You’ll Get Asked as an LGBTQ Parent (or “Toughest Questions,” as we like to call it). You can find out more about Toughest Questions by downloading the OUTSpoken Families Speaker’s Toolkit here.

Sorry for the lack up updating yesterday. Much like on the cruise, our Internet keeps going in and out! Twenty-first-century roughing it, I like to say

Cheers,
Dustin