Family Pride’s Blog

Rummaging through the Family Pride archives recently, I came across an undated “memorandum” put out by the Concerned Women for America, a radical right organization that routinely attacks LGBTQ families. The document is entitled, “Correct Terminology When Debating Homosexual Issues.” It’s good to know that as we work daily to expand protections for LGBTQ families through visibility, these people are looking for even sneakier ways to undermine our struggles and our very identities as LGBTQ people.

The document begins with the following paragraph:

Our choice of words can be influential to a reader or a listener. We are called to be savvy in our use of language in order to be effective. In Matthew 10:16, Jesus tells us to be ‘wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.’ Choose words carefully when communicating the truth in love.

The “memo” goes on to show two columns, YOU SHOULD SAY and YOU SHOULD NOT SAY. Here are some highlights:

You should say: homosexual. You should not say: ‘gay’ or lesbian.
You should say: so-called homosexual ‘marriage’. You should not say: ‘gay,’ or lesbian, or same-sex marriage. The public instinctively rejects ‘homosexuality’ and the activists know this, which is why they try to insert the less threatening words. When we call a spade a spade, we win.
You should say: homosexual lifestyle. You should not say: ‘gay’ or lesbian. Lifestyle signifies one has a choice in their behavior.
You should say: special rights. You should not say: equal rights or equal protection. Those who practice homosexual behavior already have the same rights as everyone else.

We, too, know that “our choice of words can be influential to a reader or a listener.” Interestingly enough, our choice of words is about dispelling the myths and correcting the misinformation regularly spewed by the radical right, as seen above. Ours is a struggle for greater peace and community, protections for loving families, respect and reconciliation.

This “memo” was sent to CWA members as part of a fundraising campaign, which just goes to show how money-hungry these people are. They could pack up and go home and nothing in their worlds would change. If we stopped fighting, they’d tear our families apart and send us back 50 years into the closet.

The top ten anti-gay organizations in the United States have a combined annual budget of 1 billion dollars. Their messages of hate spread far and wide. We’ve got to stick together as a community of LGBTQ parents and allies, ready to combat their harmful lies. To learn more about how we do it, check out Family Pride’s OUTSpoken Families Speakers Bureau. It’s a one-stop-shop for LGBTQ family advocacy–from changing the hearts and minds of your neighbors to preparing yourself to speak to legislators, reporters and more.

And don’t let the Concerned Women for America get you down. We’re going to win this fight. We have to–our families actually are at stake.

Thank you to our friend Evan Wolfson at Freedom to Marry for passing along this great opinion editorial titled “The Inadequacy of Civil Unions” that ran in last Thursday’s New York Times. It’s so good that we are going to reproducing it here in full.

A potentially groundbreaking legal battle over Connecticut’s exclusion of gay people from the state’s marriage law has catapulted the debate over same-sex marriage to a new level.

Appearing last month before the state’s highest court, a lawyer representing eight same-sex couples led a spirited attack on Connecticut’s refusal to grant gay couples the freedom to marry. He also challenged the notion that civil union laws — like those enacted in Connecticut, New Jersey, Vermont, and most recently New Hampshire — are a constitutionally adequate alternative.

The plaintiffs’ argument was laced with references to Plessy v. Ferguson, the U.S. Supreme Court’s notorious 1896 decision which justified racial segregation under a deplorable standard of “separate but equal.” Although startling, the analogy is apt. In establishing civil unions two years ago, Connecticut lawmakers created a separate and inherently inferior institution that continues to deny gay couples the equality they seek and deserve.

Connecticut would seem a particularly hospitable place to advance this equality claim. In addition to requiring equal treatment for individuals in comparable circumstances, and barring sex-discrimination, Connecticut’s Constitution explicitly forbids gender-based “segregation.”

State lawyers answer that the basis for the exclusion is not gender but sexual orientation, a category not covered by existing antidiscrimination provisions. That is true, but forbidding marriages when one partner is the wrong gender still adds up to sex discrimination. The state also asserts that the civil union law grants all the rights of marriage to same-sex couples, and any difference amounts to “a difference in name alone.” A trial court judge bought that argument and dismissed the case last year, saying the plaintiffs suffered no legal harm.

Saying a civil union is the same as marriage does not make it so. Civil unions are a newly invented category, neither universally recognized nor understood. Connecticut’s claim that the two terms are alike merely underscores the bottom-line question: Why relegate a minority group to a separate category?

The court case has helped stall this issue in Connecticut’s Legislature. But if the ruling goes against the couples involved, the Legislature will have a duty to revisit the matter. A law that allows civil unions but not marriage is preferable to denying benefits and recognition to same-sex couples. But no one should confuse it with equality.

President Bush has nominated Kentucky doctor James Holsinger as Surgeon General, the nation’s number one spokesperson for American health. Supporters of Holsinger note his 41-page resume, including teaching stints at various medical schools and serving as health secretary for the state of Kentucky. As for “qualifications,” the AP article goes, Holsinger “seems born to be surgeon general.”

But there’s another side to the story, a side of great importance to the LGBTQ community and our friends. James Holsinger has a long, recorded history of anti-gay attitudes, policies and positions. He’s presided over the ousting of various openly gay and lesbian ministers in his United Methodist Church, penned articles on the “physiopathology” (or the “abnormal function”) of homosexuality, and resigned from committees specifically because he feared the “liberal” side would win on issues of homosexuality.

With the LGBTQ population in the US estimated in the tens of millions, the question is: why would we ever send up a biased nominee to serve as America’s medical authority, when there are so many other accomplished physicians out there without bias ready to take the position? How come the extent to which this man is bigoted is the question–not whether he’s bigoted in the first place?

If Holsinger won’t stand up for the health and safety of all Americans, then he shouldn’t stand at all. And whether his views on homosexuality have changed over the years doesn’t matter; his public record against homosexuality sends a message to all LGBTQ people that he cannot be trusted.

Holsinger’s nomination will gain traction in the coming weeks. A Senate hearing awaits. If you are as alarmed by this nomination as we are, contact your Senators. Tell them to oppose divisive public officials. Tell them you expect better out of a Surgeon General, for all Americans.

*This post was written by Program and Education Associate Dustin Kight, on behalf of the Family Pride staff.

There are many ways to create community. Parents who adopt children often struggle with teaching them about their roots, which can be hard to define. There are a number of ways adoptive parents already bring their child(ren)’s roots into their family lives. Parents of one race who adopt a child of another might ask friends of their children’s race to serve as godparents. Adoptive parents of one religion might expose their adopted child, whose racial/ethnic or cultural background is closely associated with another, to the religion he or she “came from”. Families who adopt children from another country might regularly make trips to that country, establish ties with local families, providing their adopted child with “cultural” brothers and sisters.

Here’s a fun way to expand on the notion of community and roots for your adopted child(ren), if discussing adoption is already a part of your family life. Below is a list of “famous” or accomplished adopted children. The list is not meant to assume anything negative about the experience of being an adopted child (in other words, that adopted children are disadvantaged and therefore particularly special when they “succeed”). Rather, this list is meant for those children who might be struggling with their identity as an adopted child, and who may find it heartening or inspiring that other adopted children have grown up to do so much.

All children are precious, special individuals. Let’s celebrate the accomplishments of some and the promise of still more to come!

*If your family includes adopted children and you’ve struggled with the issues of roots and community, leave a comment sharing ways your family has addressed these concerns. The more you share, the more we learn.

FAMOUS and ACCOMPLISHED ADOPTED CHILDREN

Alexander the Great - King of Macedonia, 356-323 B.C.
Anthony Williams - politician
Aristotle - philosopher
Art Linkletter - comedian
Bo Diddley - musician, performer
Brent Jasmer - actor
Buffy Sainte-Marie - musician, actress
Carl Theodor Dreyer - Danish film director
Charles Dickens - writer
Charlotte Anne Lopez - Miss Teen USA
Christina Crawford - author
Clarissa Pinkola Estes - author
Crazy Horse - Lakota war chief
Dan O’Brien - decathlete
Daunte Culpepper - football player
Dave Thomas - entrepreneur, founder of Wendy’s
Debbi Harry - singer
Edgar Allen Poe - poet, writer
Edward Albee - playwright
Eleanor Roosevelt - First Lady
Eric Dickerson - athlete
Faith Daniels - news anchor
Faith Hill - country singer
Freddie Bartholomew - actor
Gary Coleman - actor
George Washington Carver - inventor
Greg Louganis - diver
Halle Berry - actress
Ingrid Bergman - actress
James McArthur - actor
James Michener - author
Jean Jacques Rousseau - philosopher
Jesse Jackson - minister
Jett Williams - country singer and author
Jim Palmer - athlete
John J. Audubon - naturalist
John Lennon - musician
Langston Hughes - poet and writer
Larry Ellison - entrepreneur: chief executive of Oracle
Leo Tolstoy - writer
Les Brown - motivational speaker
Louisa May Alcott - writer
Lynnette Cole - Miss USA 2000
Malcolm X - civil rights leader
Marilyn Monroe - actress
Mark Acre - athlete
Mark Twain - writer
Matthew Laborteaux - actor
Melissa Gilbert - actress
Nancy Reagan - First Lady
Nat King Cole - singer
Nelson Mandela - politician
Patrick Laborteaux - actor
Peter and Kitty Carruthers - figure skaters
President Gerald Ford - politician
President William Clinton - politician
Priscilla Presley - actress
Ray Liotta - actor
Reno - performance artist, comedian
Rep. Jim Lightfoot - politician
Richard Burton - actor
Sara Gilbert - actress
Sarah McLachlan - singer
Scott Hamilton - figure skater
Sen. Paull H. Shin - politician
Sen. Robert Byrd - politician
Shari Belafonte-Harper - actress
Steve Jobs - entrepreneur, co-founder of Apple computer
Surya Bonaly - figure skater
Tim Green - football player/commentator
Tom Monaghan - entrepreneur
Tommy Davidson - comedian
Victoria Rowell - actress
Wilson Riles - educator

*This list was forwarded to Family Pride by a member family. The original list hails from adoptionopen.com. Family Pride cannot claim 100% accuracy for this list.

My name is Rachel Farr and I am working for Family Pride as a research fellow this summer. The idea is that I will help to organize the results of past and present research of LGBTQ families and summarize articles published on this research. The goal is to have these results and summaries accessible to the public on Family Pride’s website through a database and search engine. I am very excited to be working on this important project!

In addition to working with Family Pride, I am a graduate student at the University of Virginia in the Developmental Psychology Ph.D. program where I work with Dr. Charlotte Patterson. We are currently involved in an adoptive families project based in the D.C. area that includes same-sex and opposite-sex parenting couples.

Before moving to Charlottesville, I spent lots of time in New York State. I grew up in upstate New York, and then attended Cornell University in Ithaca for undergraduate and graduate school. Following my masters degree in teaching, I taught high school biology for a year in Rochester.

During my years at Cornell, I became very involved in LGBTQ student activities. I was a student leader in Haven (Cornell’s umbrella LGBTQ organization), and I helped plan and organize numerous events. I also facilitated a weekly support and discussion group for women. I continue to be involved at UVA, where I serve on the operating board of the LGBTQ Resource Center and help to lead the Queer Grads group and a women’s social group.

I will be posting blogs periodically throughout the next few months to give updates on the research database project, so stay tuned! I am looking forward to a great summer with Family Pride!

I am many things, a successful business analyst, a homeowner, a parent, a friend, a neighbor, a female… a dad, a girl dad. What? Yeah, I am, as is often referred, a transsexual, a male-to-female, MTF, I identify as female. I transitioned after two marriages and two children. As a transitioning parent the question often asked was, “What about your son?” On the surface, I suppose that could be a reasonable question, or is it?

If I were to change jobs, get a new car, change my hair style, start a new relationship, would that question come up then?

Now 6 years post-divorce, 5 years post full-time transition I can answer that question. My son is great, wonderful, emotionally healthy and we have an awesome relationship. I asked him recently what the hardest thing about me becoming a girl was for him. His answer? That he has two homes and his parents are divorced. He was okay about his dad being a girl. The split schedules, parent time sharing, having two homes and not seeing both his parents every day was the hard thing.

Me being trans only comes up when first encountering a new teacher or someone who knows both parents. I am dad to Evan, a girl, someone who could also be a grandma. You see, while many equate dad with male and mom with female, there are some, like my son who equate mom or dad with one of their parents, separate from gender. Pretty cool.

How can this be? Isn’t that causing confusion? Isn’t this awful?

Hey, I have heard most of the arguments, I have lived many of them. Truth is, being trans has no direct bearing on the quality of my parenting skills. Why? Because my being trans is not the tie of my relationship with my son, being a parent is. That means his welfare, his safety, his development of respect and dignity toward others, his compassion and care about others, his belief that everyone is different, that difference is normal.

My son is almost done with 4th grade, he has many friends. I have taken him to play dates, to birthday parties, volunteered on field trips, helped in his classroom, covered when my ex had work or other conflicts. He has a couple of classmates in the neighborhood who come over often, I know the parents.The only time my trans has been an issue was in the divorce. Why? Not because there were any indications of our son having difficulty dealing with a dad becoming a girl. My trans-ness was an issue because it could be used as a weapon, to drive me away. Fortunately the judge could see it was not issue and refused to accept any argument related to trans issues.

Women marrying women, men marrying men, girls becoming boys, boys becoming girls, my son has asked about some of the political issues around voting seasons, especially with some of the ads and what they say. His most common response is to say, “What does it matter? Anyone should be able to get married” Yeah, I guess that really sums it up, what does it matter, anyway?

Paula Funatake founded TransParentcy.org in 2001 as a resource for transgender parents who may be dealing with custody issues. She has presented at NGLTF’s Creating Change as well as written articles and been interviewed by online and print periodicals related to being a trans parent.

With June’s arrival, we welcome in a month of pride in commemoration of the historic Stonewall uprising on June 28, 1969. We proudly celebrate all loving families in June across the country and around the world with Pride events, parades and festivals. Is your family attending a Pride celebration in your community? If you are, we’d love to see and hear about it. We’re accepting photo submissions and guest blog entries all month - we’d love to share your family with the blogosphere.

Our friend Stacy, who guest blogged last month, will be writing about her experience at Milwaukee’s upcoming Pride event. Stay tuned and get those cameras ready - we want to feature your proud family on the Family Pride Blog!

Send your photos and guest posts to us by clicking here.

The radically conservative American Family Association of Michigan had plans to crash the Motor City Pride event in Ferndale, MI by flying a plane over the parade with a banner promoting www.hopeforhomosexuals.com. This website proclaims that:

God desires to have a relationship with those who have gone astray. And while there is a great price to be paid for our sin; God has already paid it in full. Hope can be yours today if you will open your heart to Him.

Well, it looks like God had other plans for American Family Association of Michigan. Not only did low clouds and rain reduce visibility, when the plane finally did fly the website was spelled incorrectly. The misspelling read www.hopeforhomeosexuals.com.

The Triangle Foundation, Michigan’s leading LGBTA organization, quickly purchased the domain name and linked it to their website.

Thanks to Mike McFall of the Republic of M and the Triangle Foundation for bringing this story to our attention.

On Tuesdays throughout the summer, our friend Dana Rudolph at Mombian.com will be posting interviews from a handful of our OUTSpoken families. The series is titled “Family Voices” and the first installment was posted early this morning. Dana stated:

One of the best ways to strengthen ourselves and our community is by sharing our stories. Blogs and online forums are a great way to do this, but I also wanted to expand our horizons and showcase the voices of families who are not necessarily part of the online community, or who have experience talking about their families in other media as well. Reaching out to Family Pride to interview people in their OUTSpoken program made perfect sense. These families are leading the fight to make our families visible and accepted, and I think we can all learn a lot from them.”

Family Pride’s OUTSpoken program has four goals:

1. We will fundamentally shift the way our families are talked about and treated in the media, in our communities and by our politicians by raising awareness about both the existence of and the struggle of our families.
2. We will arm thousands of LGBTQ parents and their allies with the information to speak to their co-workers, school officials, faith leaders, legislators and the media in their own communities not only with passion, but with authority and credible, indisputable information.
3. We will counter the vitriolic misinformation campaign being waged by the fundamentalist right with credible social science research, reliable facts and our own stories.
4. We will continue to protect our children by creating safe schools that both understand and support the vast variety of family structures.

Earlier in the year, one of our trained OUTSpoken families even appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show! Watch the video clip below:

More than a thousand people in almost every state in the country have been trained through OUTSpoken. Learn more about this exciting initiative by clicking here and stay tuned to Mombian.com.

It appears that early this morning a mass email was distributed to Massachusetts citizens titled “Urgent: Help restore traditional marriage in Massachusetts”. The email, penned by the radical right American Family Association, is in response to the upcoming June 14 vote in the Massachusetts legislature which will determine whether or not marriage equality will go to a ballot. This email states:

Massachusetts is the only state in the nation which legally condones and encourages homosexual marriage. If we can join together to defeat this radical agenda, it will send a strong message to our political leadership nationwide. You need to know that powerful forces, including the governor, attorney general, and house speaker are now pressuring your state legislators to vote against it. Take action…”

The email encourages donations, phone calls to representatives and forwarding the message of hate along to friends and family.

What can we do to counter this message? If you live in Massachusetts, visit www.massequality.org for an action center complete with legislator contact info and volunteering forms. If you don’t live in Massachusetts, let’s harness the power of our social networks and activate our community to stand up for equality. MassEquality is launching an aggressive multi-media campaign to get its message out. We’ve embedded one of the videos below.

Copy and paste the URL into an email and distribute it to your contact book. Link to the video on your MySpace page. Embed the video into a blog post and let people know what’s happening in Masschusetts. Let’s stand up for equality by standing up for Massachusetts!