Family Pride’s Blog

This following post was written for Family Pride’s blog by Mike McFall, blogger for the Republic of M, which reports on GLBT issues in Michigan. Mike is a native Michigander, and currently resides in the Metro Detroit area, where both he and his partner Michael are active volunteers with several local GLBT and non-GLBT organizations. We met Michael at one of our OUTSpoken trainings in MI. (Note: The views and opinions expressed are those solely of Mike McFall.)

I search the net on a daily basis looking for Michigan-related GLBT news to comment on or write about, and I always seem to get distracted in one way or another. I am a political junkie, so I am easily distracted. I completely understand how it happens. But, I try my best when writing an article to keep my focus on the goal of Republic of M, to report on Michigan GLBT news. I could easily write about the top issues of the day; pulling our troops out of Iraq, the failed policies of our President, abortion, affirmative action, or even global warming, but I do not. The reason I mention this is because I have increasingly been bombarded by such issues in press releases, newsletters and e-mails from GLBT organizations.

I think it is great that the GLBT community is interested in such issues, as should all good Americans. But, I believe Michigan GLBT organizations need to stay focused on our own issues and not get bogged down with issues outside of our scope and aim. As a struggling minority here in Michigan, I understand we need alliances where we can find them, but I feel sometimes we take on the issues of a “supporting” organization just to bring them into our camp. To what benefit? Not only do these organizations not reciprocate with calls to action surrounding our issues, I also believe this strategy diminishes our own unique position and message.

Now I know some people are going to comment on this article explaining why the above issues are gay issues, and maybe you can convince me otherwise, but I just do not see how any of them are. The above issues affect all Americans, gay or straight. There will inevitably be small numbers of LGBT individuals who have experienced issues like the ones I have described; however, the Michigan LGBT community is not in a position to be taking on those causes when there are still greater issues affecting our people as a whole. Some issues that are specific to the gay community are marriage equality, second parent adoption, domestic partner benefits, workplace protections, and hate crime legislation. Our gay leadership and activists should stay focused on these issues.

I am not saying that we shouldn’t be responsible and concerned; I am saying that until we can legally share lives and benefits, the gay oriented issues should take precedence with GLBT organizations.

The Family Drawing Contest has been a huge hit - it’s making waves across the Family Pride community in the form of thousands and thousands of votes. Have you voted yet?

We’ve been getting lots of great feedback from the parents of the ten finalists. These kids are thrilled that their families are being recognized and celebrated by thousands of people across the country. Let’s show our continued support by rallying family, friends and coworkers to participate in this inspiring opportunity. Let’s spread the word far and wide. Vote now!

Winners will be announced at noon EST on May 16th at http://www.familypride.org. At that time we’ll also release “my family loves me”, a free eBook that you can download and share with your family containing all of the drawings submitted. Stay tuned for more information!

A report commissioned by the Canadian Government in 2003 (and recently made public) has found that having two moms is just as good (if not better) than having opposite-sex parents:

Children living with two mothers and children living with a mother and father have the same levels and qualities of social competence.”

Professor Paul Hastings of Concordia University reached the report’s conclusion after reviewing existing research relating to the impact on children of being raised in different family type. Be one of the first to see the results: download a copy of the report by clicking here (7MB).

This Sunday is Mother’s Day - a national day of celebration, recognizing the contributions of moms across the country.

As we write this, children in schools everywhere are busy gluing glitter to construction paper and writing poems for their mothers. While this is indeed a fantastic way to celebrate, it can also have some not-so-fantastic implications for some families.

How so? Consider 4-year-old Jessie, who has two dads. Jessie’s kindergarten class spent the afternoon talking about the great things that their moms do and creating artwork for Mother’s Day. When it was Jessie’s turn to talk about his mom, he didn’t know what to say. Jessie went home with a big “I love you, mom!” card for his two dads. His dads didn’t know how to handle the situation or what went wrong.

Instances like this occur all the time. Too many of our families are marginalized by gendered holidays and well-intentioned but ill-prepared schools. So how do we fix it?

It’s a big issue. First, we need to know how to talk to our children about our families. Download Family Pride’s Talking to Our Children resource and use it to jump-start conversations with your children. Second, know how to talk to your schools about being inclusive of all loving families. Download, print out and read Opening Doors, Opening More Doors and the Back to School Tool. Share them with your school community. Third, be as out as you can safely be. Had Jessie’s dads been visible and present to the teacher, the teacher would have had the tools to approach the situation differently.

Of course, the same is true for Father’s Day.

At Family Pride, instead of celebrating Mother’s or Father’s Day, we celebrate Parents Day. In 1994, Bill Clinton signed into law a resolution establishing the fourth Sunday of every July National Parents Day. On this day, we celebrate the contributions of all parents, regardless of gender, and recognize that families come in many different shapes and sizes.

What do you think? How do you celebrate your family?

At Family Pride, we like to think of our team - the staff, the volunteers, the board members and our many supporters - as one big family. Today you’ll get to know Dustin Kight, one of our Program and Education Associates. Many of you may already know Dustin from our many OUTSpoken Trainings throughout the country. I was able to steal Dustin away from his very busy schedule to ask him some questions about the important work he does.

Dave: What regions do you coordinate—and who do you work with in these areas?

Dustin: I work with folks in the South and Northeast. I’ve got states as far west as Oklahoma, all the way down to Florida and up to Maine! It’s exciting to connect with such regionally distinct places. I’ve also spent most of my life in these areas. I grew up in South Carolina and Georgia (in Augusta, the home of golf and James Brown). And I went to school in the Hudson Valley, in New York State. (Some will call this area “Upstate,” but really, that’s just because they’re from NYC.) In these vast regions, I work with local parents group leaders, OUTSpoken families, local and state organizers, and allies to the cause.

Dave: What are some of the biggest successes so far?

Dustin: That depends on how you measure success. In the last six months we’ve placed a gay family on Oprah and made the radical right look nasty and brutish around Mary Cheney’s pregnancy. Those were big media moments, good for visibility for our families. But we’ve also begun to reach out to LGBTQ parents and their allies in ways we haven’t done before, reaching many more people than we have before. In my time here we’ve trained, for instance, more than 400 people in person to become OUTSpoken and in our recent Kevin Bacon campaign brought many new supporters to the organization. That’s huge! I know I sound kind of mouthpiece-y in this moment, but it’s all true. I’m very proud of the work we’ve done and the work we continue to do.

Dave: What’s your favorite story?

Dustin: We are a loving, dedicated staff—to each other and to the people for whom we work. In the year I’ve been with Family Pride, there are already so many memories, so many stories I could share. The first that comes to mind, honestly, hails from Family Week in Provincetown, this past summer. I volunteered my station wagon as a way to get materials and people from DC to PTown. (Never again….) And at the request of our lovely executive director, Jennifer Chrisler, we made sure we had a bouncy house delivered to Bas Relief Park for the little ones to play in.

Well, this one time, we thought it a good idea to transport the bouncy house from the park to Town Hall, for the kids carnival. Hey, what’s the best way to get a hundreds of pounds, morning-dew-wet, deflated bouncy house from Point A to Point B? Hoist it on top of my car and secret-service-style walk it down the street, of course! Oh, it was so ridiculous! The five or six of us literally couldn’t pick it up off the ground and we were blocking traffic. So this kind, ridiculously buff guy gets out of his car and uses his magical strength to help us lift. And then as we walked we got to enjoy rain water, grass and sludge from the bouncy house drip off onto our clothes and feet. But once we finally got it in town hall (another story completely) the kids loved it. And that’s what really counts!

Dave: What is the biggest challenge?

Dustin: The biggest challenge in regional work is not getting to meet people face to face as often as I’d like. Making and maintaining personal relationships with the people you work with, especially in a social justice movement, especially when most of these people are dedicated, war-weary volunteers, is very important. I relish the work I do on the ground—training for OUTSpoken, meeting local parents group leaders, helping to organize lobby days, hanging with the kids. It’s the best and most important part!

Dave: What do you like the most about your job?

Meeting fantastic people and knowing that what motivates them is so pure—for the love of families, to protect and care for them. There’s nothing more inspiring on earth.

Dave: What’s next?

Dustin: I traveled for work 16 out of 31 days in March—to Texas, New York, Florida and beyond. So while I’m resting up the next few months in the Family Pride office, I’ll be revising the OUTSpoken toolkit—a major feat in itself. We’re always invested in making our tools and resources better for the people who use them. We’ve gotten a lot of feedback in the first year and a half of OUTSpoken. I’m geared up to put that feedback to work!

Family Pride’s 2007 Annual Awards Dinner will be held in Los Angeles on October 13, 2007.  The evening will feature a celebrity reception, seated dinner and entertainment. This year’s recipient of the Family Tree Award is critically acclaimed actress, best selling author and adoptive mother, Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie Lee Curtis has been entertaining us for more than 20 years with her roles in such films as Halloween, A Fish Called Wanda and True Lies. But lately, she’s been happy to take on another role, that of picture book author. Her first book for children, WHEN I WAS LITTLE: A Four-Year-Old’s Memoir of Her Youth, illustrated by Laura Cornell, was published in 1993. Curtis followed up that title with a tender story about adoption, TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT THE NIGHT I WAS BORN in 1996. Curtis also penned TODAY I FEEL SILLY: And Other Moods That Make My Day, which quickly became a favorite of parents, kids and booksellers and spent the final nine weeks of 1998 on the New York Times bestseller list - no small feat for a children’s book.

The idea for Curtis’s second book, TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT THE NIGHT I WAS BORN, was also inspired by her children, Annie and Tom. TELL ME AGAIN is a heartfelt and joyful celebration of becoming a family, something Curtis knows about firsthand. And, of course, Curtis’s rich homelife fueled the creative fire behind TODAY I FEEL SILLY, which explores the roller-coaster of emotions kids can feel from day to day, even moment to moment.

It’s clear, after reading any of her picture books, that the role Curtis relishes most of all is that of Mom. 

Family Pride will also be presenting the Corporate Community Responsibility Award to a business that has shown outstanding support for LGBT families in their policies and procedures and philanthropic efforts. 

Continue to check the Family Pride website for additional information about the National Dinner and contact A. Charlene Leach, Director of Development or Sara Leckey, Development & Administrative Assistant for additional information or sponsorship opportunities.

There’s a common misconception in the LGBTQ community that our friends are our allies. But this is not always the case. As an OUTSpoken trainer, making sure that parents and their friends understand what it truly takes to be an ally is one of my top priorities. The LGBTQ family movement needs allies. Allies are active participants in our struggles. They support us. They motivate us. They stand up and fight.

But the line between friend and ally is not always clear for people. So let’s have a discussion. Consider the following scenarios and tell me–who’s being an ally and who’s being a friend:

Scenario #1 — The child of an LGBTQ parent is bullied at school

Sam, a straight parent, gets a call from her friend Marcus. Marcus is a gay dad with one child, Grey. Marcus is tearful; he says, “Sam, the worst thing’s happened. Grey was cornered today. Some kids said his fag dad made him a fag, too. He doesn’t even know what the word means, but he knows it’s bad and he won’t come out of his room. The teacher ignored it. What do I do?” Sam drives to Marcus’s house, makes coffee, lends an ear. Marcus is thinking about going to the principal but is afraid he won’t be taken seriously because he’s gay. He asks Sam to go with him for support. She considers this, says, “Why don’t we wait and see if it happens again. If it happens again, we’ll both go, okay?” “Okay,” says Marcus, “okay.”

Scenario #2 — The state legislature is passing a gay adoption ban

High school buddies Shana and Diane now live on opposite sides of the state they grew up in–Shana near the coast, Diane near the capital. Shana is a foster parent and is transgender. She is just weeks away from legally adopting her foster child Robbie, who’s been with her for years. Robbie wants nothing more than to call his current home, his current mom, home and mom forever. And Diane can’t wait to become Robbie’s godparent–they’ve all gone through so much together. But this year, their state legislature is dangerously close to passing a bill that would prohibit all LGBTQ people from adopting. Shana is terrified, but can’t make the trip to the statehouse to lobby against it. She asks Diane, “Please, can you go? We need as many people there as we can get.” Diane is torn. She makes up her mind:  “Shana, you know I love you, but you know politics just isn’t for me. I’ll do anything for you–I just can’t get involved in all that.” She calls Shana every day for a week, to make sure she’s okay.

Scenario #3 — An anti-LGBTQ family e-mail is circulated around the office

For being so young, Byron has made a lot of older gay and lesbian friends, many of whom are parents. Byron is also gay, but has no kids. He works for what he considers to be a tolerant company. One day he gets an all-staff e-mail, a forward from Jean, one of the more conservative members of the team. Jean is commenting on an article she’s just read about the White House Egg Roll, in which LGBTQ families participated as a group. “You all know I don’t have anything against gay people,” she writes, “but I just have to say that they should not be parents. It’s bad for children, it’s just not right.” Byron knows that the staff looks to him as the go-to guy on gay issues. He thinks, “Is it even worth it to say anything back? It’s just Jean being Jean. They all know that.” None of his parent-friends will know that he let this pass, but his fellow staff members will. He leaves work early and takes Jesse and Lee’s kids for ice cream.

So, who here is being an ally? Who’s being a friend? What actions make these characters just friends or both? If you don’t see allies on this page, tell me why. What’s lacking here? Where did all the allies go? 

Leave a comment below. Spark discussion. The only way we’re going to work through these issues for ourselves is by digging in together.

For more information on what it means to be an ally, visit our allies page.

A May 2nd Associated Press story (see this CBS news piece) reported that some Christian fundamentalist leaders are calling upon their members to consider adoption and foster care in response to criticism that their movement does not do enough to promote the welfare of children. 

We welcome the efforts of Focus on the Family and other Christian fundamentalists to direct their vast resources toward creating families rather than attacking them.

For far too long, these types of organizations have spent their energy baselessly and wastefully attacking families headed by lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and parents. We have long maintained that - instead of focusing on our families - they should be combating the real issues faced by children in this country: abuse, neglect, violence, poverty, hunger and lack of access to health care and educational opportunity.

It is about time they understood that one of the best ways to help children is to focus time and energy on finding permanent loving homes for the half a million children languishing in our foster care system and the more than 100,000 children awaiting adoption. We can only hope that, as part of their efforts, they will also cease their attempts to block qualified LGBTQ parents from fostering and adopting children in need.

We will be watching these organizations to see how they follow through on this professed commitment to the welfare of families and children. We challenge them to step up and join us in tackling the challenging issues facing all American families, including those headed by LGBTQ parents.

Today is the day that the U.S. House of Representatives is set to vote on the Hate Crimes Prevention Act. According to a HRC press release:

As the U.S. House of Representatives is set to vote tomorrow (Thursday) on H.R. 1592, the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, anti-gay extremist organizations have embarked on a desperate last attempt to derail passage of the bill. Marking a new low in politics, these groups have embraced the work of a known white-supremacist filmmaker, callously invoked the Virginia Tech massacre, blatantly lied about the congressional record and even used the name and image of Jesus Christ in vain.

The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act would strengthen the ability of law enforcement officials to investigate and prosecute hate crimes when a crime is committed because of a person’s sexual orientation, gender, gender identity or disability. The current hate crimes law applies only to violent crimes committed due to the victim’s race, color, national origin and religion.”

Yesterday afternoon, the radically conservative Family Research Council issued an action alert urging its supporters to call legislators around the country and released this statement:

This bill creates a caste system within American society where those who fit a certain category - ranging from race, disability, gender to sexual orientation and transgendered - would be seen as deserving special legal protection. The bill is most notable for the millions of Americans it leaves out, meaning if you or I are a victim of a violent crime - we matter less.”

With only hours until the vote, what can we do to counter this last-minute effort by the far right?

1. Sign the National Center for Transgender Equality’s petition supporting the Hate Crimes Prevention Act. There is great power in numbers!
2. Contact your representatives. Use this preformatted email from the People for the American Way.
3. Spread the word. Talk about the Hate Crimes Prevention Act at work today. Send an email to your contacts. Call friends and family.

Let’s make history today!

Groups for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) parents build community power and are valuable resources for the family equality movement. Moreover, they’re a great place to share ideas, discuss parenting tips and to find support.

Here are six tips that will make your parents group experience even more spectacular:

1. Don’t reinvent the wheel. If you want to be a part of a parents group, there may already be one in your local community to join. Family Pride offers a vast state-by-state listing of local groups. Check it out.
2. Establish a regular meeting time. It builds momentum and creates structure.
3. Harness the power of the internet (and recognize its limits). The internet may be your most powerful tool in working with your parents group or starting a group from scratch. Meetup.com offers countless LGBTQ parents meetups across the country. Tap into their network. Consider creating a Yahoo or Google group to organize your members. But remember, the internet is a means, not an end. The internet is not inclusive of all communities, especially lower-income communities. Don’t do all of your outreach online.
4. Build partners and coalitions. Don’t go it alone. Reach out to local LGBTQ friendly businesses and churches, bookstores, schools and local LGBTQ papers. You’ll be able to secure resources like free advertising or meeting space if you reach out.
5. Organize. The most effective parents groups are organized with phone trees, mission statements and written outreach plans. If you don’t know how to create these, download the resources from Family Pride’s Parents Group Corner.
6. Have fun. And keep in touch with Family Pride for ideas or resources.

Do you have any additional parents group tips? If so, we want to hear them. Leave a comment.