Family Pride’s Blog

We’re thrilled to bring this guest post by our friend Stacy LaPoint. Stacy is a single parent, founder and President of  Companion Natural Pet Food of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Divorce is a reality of life for many people.  I have a few memories of my own childhood experience and know it can be ugly and tragic while taking a huge emotional toll on everyone involved, especially the children.  But it doesn’t have to be that way. 

Just 5 years ago if you asked me if I would ever come out and live my life as a lesbian, I would have said no.  I didn’t anticipate the universe would “require” me to come out in order that I become a happy and fulfilled person.  But it did.

It was the birth of my child that helped me to recognize who I was, and that I couldn’t compromise my personal happiness living in a “privileged”  heterosexual society, if I was to show my child true honesty and joy.  How would he recognize personal integrity and truth if I wasn’t living it myself?

I came out, I mean really out, when my son was a year old; I was 31.  This meant separating from my husband of 4 years and facing all that we face when we’ve lived in the closet our entire adult lives.  But I knew I didn’t want to disrupt the life I had envisioned for my child—he has a loving father and should continue be enriched every way possible. 

It may be considered unusual that my break-up with my husband was so amicable. It is true that makes it easier.  But anyone can make the choice to do it. We simply both agreed that the most important thing in both our lives was our child. Above anything else, our son should be allowed both parents as his primary caregivers.  Neither of us would move our child out of reach from the other, try to replace the other with a new lover or pit him against the other for any reason.  It just is what it is; respect for the roles we both play in his life.  We may have changed as individuals, and recognize that we can’t always be together as a family unit anymore, but our son deserves his parents, at all costs. 

Despite so many less-than-happy stories of divorce, each day I am blessed with the reality that my ex-partner and I see eye-to-eye, and are able to cohesively and lovingly share our child as we always intended while living our own lives.  We live in a duplex, I have the upper unit and my son’s dad has the lower.  He has his own room at both places and shared custody is naturally equal and works out nicely when we each need time out of town or a night away.  It won’t likely be this way forever but for now, while our son is small, it seems most nurturing for him.  The best part, for me, is knowing that my son has the security of both parents in his life every day and that our divorce isn’t even something he is aware is taking place. 

I know, not everyone in the midst of divorce is afforded this luxury nor has the laws in their favor.  But just in my own circle of friends in our neighborhood, our family arrangement has made an impression that has inspired others to think about how things can be done differently when life’s inevitable changes crop up.  First and foremost, the children need love, communication, stability and consistency.  Children deserve homes where they are safe and loved no matter how their family is comprised.

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