Family Pride’s Blog

Today, we received an exciting call from our friends at sixdegrees.org. Sixdegrees.org is a fundraising tool based on the concept of “six degrees of Kevin Bacon”; people become “celebrities” for an organization and use their social network to raise funds and build community power. Kevin Bacon will personally match $10,000 to the six organizations with the highest number of donations. Last month, Family Pride co-chair Ken Manford enlisted Family Pride in this contest, and currently we’re ranked number three.

So, here’s the big news: Kevin Bacon is taping an episode of the Ellen Show which will air tomorrow - and he’s going to be talking about the top organizations! Since we’re number three, we’re optimistic that Kevin Bacon will talk about family equality.

We want to thank everyone who has donated, told friends and spread the word to get us into this top position. With just 12 days to go, it’s the final stretch! Thank you for everything that you have done.

And, if you still haven’t donated, take a stand for family pride and help us win this challenge. Click the orange donate button on the sixdegrees.org “badge” on the side of this page, or just click here. If you’ve already donated, or are unable to donate at this time, tell ten friends about the contest and encourage them to contribute to Family Pride.

There is no doubt that in this connected age of social networks, emails, blogs and message boards we can harness the power of grassroots momentum to reach our goal of 1,138 donations by March 31st!

Did you know that a hand shake and a brief hello from a constituent is the most highly valued contact a legislator can receive? There is, in fact, a ranking system by which legislators decide how much weight to give to constituent requests. The more time-consuming and personal the form of contact, the greater weight it’s given. This makes sense. On average, legislators receive very little direct feedback from voters. So when an LGBTQ person shows up in their office doorway, asking for a minute of their time, you can imagine how seriously the legislator takes this. To emphasize the point—if an e-mail is given 10 points on the “contact scale,” an in-person visit is given 10,000!

All forms of contact are important and follow-up is key. But participating in lobby days is by far one of the most important things you can do to support pro-LGBTQ legislation and oppose anti-LGBTQ legislation. Lobby days occur when groups of like-minded people get together to ask legislators to support their cause. It’s that simple.

Just last week I had the privilege of traveling to Austin, TX to participate in Equality Texas’s 2007 Lobby Day. The Texas legislature meets only briefly once every two years, so it’s very important that LGBTQ and ally Texans come out in force when their day rolls around. And come out in force they did! I’m proud to report that the combined efforts of Equality Texas and some 15+ partner organizations (including Family Pride) brought 200+ Texans to the capitol for Lobby Day! Continue Reading »

Below is an excerpt written by Garrison Keillor, author and host of the hit radio show A Prairie Home Companion, in a piece titled The Land of the Free and Home of the Berries:

I favor marriage between people whose body parts are not similar. I’m sorry, but same-sex marriage seems timid, an attempt to save on wardrobe and accessories. Marrying somebody from your team. Still, it’s probably good for them to have to fight for the right to marry. My parents eloped against strong opposition from both families and they were in love for the rest of their lives and held hands and were tender on into their eighties. Of course they always had fresh strawberries.”

It is particularly upsetting to see high-profile individuals using and abusing their power to spread homophobic messages. The love I feel for my same-sex partner is no more motivated by savings on clothes and accessories than the love shared by opposite-sex couples is motivated by social security survivor benefits. Love is about commitment, care, honesty and the desire to share your life experience.

As Keillor mentions, the struggle for marriage equality will make us stronger people. But character development does not justify the obstacles we face or the rights that we are denied. When my partner was rushed to the hospital and I was denied admittance because our relationship wasn’t recognized, character development was not a consolation prize. Knowing that I’m a more perseverant person doesn’t make me feel any better that I cannot adopt in the state of Florida simply because I’m gay.

Comments like Keillor’s remind us of the importance of visibility. We must be visible, we must tell our stories and we must stand together as a community united. We must insist that our families and relationships are valued just as much as any other.

In Florida, there is a downright ban on adoption for gay and lesbian individuals/couples thanks to the likes of Anita Bryant in the 1970s. Is Arkansas the next Florida? A bill barring gay and most straight unmarried couples from adopting or fostering children was passed by the Arkansas Senate (20-7) this week, and is on its way to a house committee.

The Arkansas Child Welfare Board instituted a similar ban in March 1999, but ultimately dropped the policy after loosing a court fight in 2004. The board claimed that children should be in traditional two-parent homes because they are more likely to thrive in that environment.

Really? Based on what research? Here’s what the American Psychological Association has to say:

Children with gay or lesbian parents do as well as children with heterosexual parents. Having a gay or lesbian parent doesn’t affect a child’s social adjustment, school success or sexual orientation, according to the researchers. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with good parenting.”

Perhaps the Arkansas Child Welfare Board and the state government should start focusing on what is in the best interest of children, and leave adoption decisions to the experts. And what is in the best interest of children? Ensuring that every child has a permanent, loving home and family.

The statistics show that there are children in need of homes and that gay and lesbian adults are just as qualified as heterosexual adults to be parents. It’s time to get rid of the barriers between children who need homes and the gay and lesbian adults that are able to provide them. It’s time to focus on what’s in the best interest of children.

Why wouldn’t Family Pride, a community of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) families and allies, want equality? Why wouldn’t an organization committed to securing family equality want equality? Simple. Because it’s not specific.

When talking about or advocating for LGBTQ families, using the correct messaging is crucial. We need to be specific, and we need to fight for tangible, measurable goals. “Equality” isn’t measurable. Here are some things that are:

• protection from discrimination and harassment based on sexual orientation and gender identity at all levels (home, housing, workplace).
• full rights to, responsibilities for and custody of our children
• full rights to and responsibilities for our partners through nationally-recognized marriage equality
• anti-bullying policies and schools free from harassment and assault of our children and LGBTQ youth

As simple as it seems to us, we can’t expect people to share our understanding of what it means to be part of an LGBTQ family. We can’t expect people to understand our struggle of attaining and maintaining our rights as full citizens under the law. Therefore, specific and measurable messaging is vital.

For more information about messaging, download the Speaker’s Toolkit and read chapter 5.

March is National Women’s History Month. The lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) family rights movement has learned some valuable lessons from the challenges and struggles that women in this country faced.

The movement for women’s suffrage was a social, economic and political reform movement aimed at extending suffrage (the right to vote) to women. On August 26, 1920 the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution was ratified. The amendment reads, in full:

The right of any citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.”

What’s the connection to the LGBTQ family rights movement? Women wanted to be recognized as full citizens under the law in every state. This is the same struggle to be recognized as equal under the law regarding adoption, foster care and all other child custody matters. Moreover, this is the same desire that drives the push for marriage equality.

About a month ago, we worked with Family Pride board co-chair, Ken Manford, to launch a new fundraising tool to benefit Family Pride. It’s the “badge” that you can see in the right-hand toolbar of this site. Together with Ken Manford, we’ve raised more than 300 donations. The six organizations with the highest number of donations will be matched with a $10,000 grant by Kevin Bacon. Right now, we’re number three.

We’ve set our goal at 1,138 donations. Why 1,138? Because that’s the number of federal laws and provisions that guarantee rights and privileges for married couples. Because that’s the number of federal laws and provisions that exclude our families. Because we learned from the women’s suffrage movement: we must be recognized as equal under the law. No more, no less.

So, make a donation on behalf of your family. Click the orange donate button. Even if you’re not LGBTQ, it’s important to take a stand for all loving families. Let’s invite our family and friends to donate. Let’s reach 1,138 donations. Let’s make history, again.

To learn more about the Kevin Bacon Challenge, visit http://www.familypride.org/sixdegrees.html.

Technology, I like to think, isn’t completely evil. It has brought us a few good things, like the ability to send an endless barrage of our children’s pictures to friends and relatives with the click of a button. We can also learn about school closings through email - without ever having to turn on the TV or radio. And then, there’s Parentography.

What’s Parentography? Parentography is a diverse online community of parents who share honest advice and tips for family outings - whether it’s down the street or across the country. For example, you may want to make sure that the restaurant you are going to will provide high-chairs before you get there. Or, you just might want some easy play-date ideas near your home. Parentography has the answers! On the site, you can browse reviews by location, season or even the child’s age. And, because parents are shameless self-promoters, there are nifty features like the ability to upload family pictures and stories. Best of all, it’s free. Continue Reading »

Next Monday marks the start of National LGBT Health Awareness Week (March 11-17). This week recognizes and promotes the importance of health in the LGBT community on the local, state and national levels. According to the National LGBT Health Awareness Week website:

The theme of the 2007 National LGBT Health Awareness Week is KNOW MORE. This is a call to KNOW MORE about how to stay healthy and how to improve the health of the LGBT community.”

Rebecca Fox, director of the National Coalition for LGBT Health, explained to us that LGBTQ health is particularly important to LGBTQ-parented families in three areas.

1. Healthcare coverage. LGBTQ families are less likely to be fully covered under health insurance because the insured partner’s company may not offer domestic partner benefits.
2. Health services. Not all health services are culturally competent; this impacts not only the service provided to LGBTQ people, but also to their children. Not all health services are equipped to work with family structures that differ from the “Ozzie and Harriet” model.
3. Senior care. Services provided to seniors, such as nursing homes or assisted living, are impacted by the legal and policy frameworks which deny LGBTQ people access to financial resources. For example, social security does not pay survivor benefits to the same-sex partner of someone who dies. This inequality costs LGBTQ elders $124 million a year. Medicaid, tax laws, pensions, etc. pay all be uphill battles for LGBTQ seniors and their families.

So, KNOW MORE this year. Visit the National LGBT Health Awareness website and download their resources and get involved. Don’t know what to do? Check out this great list of ideas.

Yes, that is the question.

And it’s not always an easy question to anticipate or answer. You bump into a coworker in the elevator, and she asks you about your night. Last night, you went on a date with your partner. How do you reply? Do you skirt the question or do you reply with honesty?

Outing yourself happens when you least expect it. If you’re a lesbian couple, it is likely that people have asked you if you’re sisters or friends. In that moment, you are faced with a decision. What would you say?

There’s no right answer. But we do know this: non-LGBTQ people are more likely to support family equality when they know three or more LGBTQ people personally. While doing an OUTSpoken training in California, Trina Olson (our former program and education manager) explains the connection as only she can:

So, because Trina’s friend keeps Trina’s best interests at heart, she stands up for family equality. More than anything, she wants Trina to be safe and happy. Because she knows Trina, she’s an ally. That’s how it works. Continue Reading »

A year and a half ago, Family Pride strategized to train lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) families and allies to be advocates in local communities across the country. Armed with toolkits, these families would be known as “OUTSpoken.” Our goal was 200 families.

We are pleased to report that the last of our 1,000 toolkits left the office this morning. Why did we beat our goal of 200 families five times over? Simple. Because OUTSpoken works.

The idea behind OUTSpoken is beautifully straightforward: give families powerful messaging, the correct language and the best resources available, and then commit these families to speaking publicly eight times a year about equality. In other words, the OUTSpoken program is built on a foundation of visibility. Our OUTSpoken families and allies have reached more than 7,000,000 (yikes!) people across the United States - many of whom have never seen an LGBTQ family. Continue Reading »