Family Pride’s Blog

Set those VCRs and get the popcorn ready! Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ)-parented families will be in the national spotlight once again, as the new TLC series My Life as a Child will feature an eight year old named Madison with two moms.

In the critically acclaimed series, 20 American children from diverse family constellations were given cameras to document their lives over a four month period. Each child acted as their own director, producer and cameraperson to share insights into their lives, challenges, hopes and dreams.

Madison and her sister live with their two moms in Grand Rapids, MI - a beautiful resort town along the water. According to Madison, “her family life, along with respect, honesty and fairness are all very important.” The My Life as a Child website states, “Madison wishes that everyone understood that her family is just the same as all other families because they love each other very much.” According to Family Pride executive director Jennifer Chrisler:

My Life As a Child is an exceptional series, one that allows the voices of youth to tell the truth of their lives.  The episode on families points out the diverse nature of American families today and allows a glimpse into how children are coping with that diversity.  Madison’s story specifically gets to the core of what is important - love makes a family. Family Pride knows this: American families are increasingly diverse and all of us benefit from treating one another with respect and understanding.  Our children deserve no less.”

The episode will premiere on Monday, March 5 at 7:00 PM (ET/PT). For more information, visit the My Life as a Child website.

photo credit: TLC

Everyone wants to feel safe at work. Everyone wants to feel included. Unfortunately, the reality is that many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) individuals face discrimination and bigotry on a daily basis while at work. LGBTQ parents face a unique set of challenges.Family Pride has developed five ways to make your workplace more inclusive for LGBTQ parents. And, even if you aren’t an LGBTQ parent, act on our behalf and make your office a welcoming place for all people. 

1. Check the policies. First and foremost, make sure “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” are listed in your organization’s EEO policy. Check if domestic partner benefits are offered to same-sex couples. But, the list doesn’t end there. Is paternity leave offered in addition to maternity leave? Is adoption leave provided? Does fertility coverage extend to gay dads creating their families through surrogacy? Ask that your organization’s policies reflect the diversity of our families.

2. Be as out as you can safely be. Visibility is crucial - research shows that non-LGBTQ people are most likely to support family equality when they know three or more LGBTQ people personally. If your office knows that you are an LGBTQ parent, they will be more likely to support your family and create an inclusive workplace.

3. Create gender-neutral bathrooms. Though creating gender-neutral bathrooms may be an uphill fight, it is important that all employees feel safe. Gender-segregated bathrooms force people to identify in ways that they may not be comfortable.

4. Provide LGBTQ diversity training. Don’t know where to start? Check out the programs offered by Out & Equal. Bring programs like these to the attention of managers and human resource professionals - and make them act.

5. Appeal and market to the LGBTQ community. Does your organization actively recruit and develop LGBTQ employees? Does your organization provide sponsorship to LGBTQ events such as local pride festivals? Does your organization act as a corporate sponsor to LGBTQ organizations like Family Pride? 

These five steps are by no means an extensive list. But, they’re a great place to start. What does your organization do to support family equality?

In December, 2006 Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family wrote a guest article for Time Magazine blasting the decision of Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, and her partner, Heather Poe, to start a family. The article misstates and twists social-science research to arrive at a false conclusion: gay parents are bad parents. Outraged by Dobson’s fraudulent accusations, Family Pride executive director Jennifer Chrisler wrote a rebuttal article that was published Time.

The manipulation of social science research by the radical right must stop.

There was a time when the media would hold organizations like Focus on the Family accountable for their misinformation and lies. The times have changed. But the scientific community is fighting back.

Today, Truth Wins Out launched a new website, respectmyresearch.org, where top researchers can speak out and report distortions of their work. Among the researchers featured, Dr. Carol Gilligan, whose research was misquoted by Dobson in his Time Magazine article.

It’s a start. We applaud the academic community for standing up and refusing to let their work be distorted for political gain.

If you suspect that scientific research is being misrepresented, do your homework. Confirm the distortion. Let the researcher know. Report it to respectmyresearch.org, and write an op-ed reporting the misuse. Take a stand for truth.

Our last post in the Best of Queercents week is by Rich Taylor.

I wrote a few weeks ago in “Separate But Equal” that it’s harder, I think, for gay couples to know when and how to merge their lives (especially finances) without being able to get formally married - except in Massachussetts!

Well this weekend Rob and I took the plunge. It was during a conversation about another couple he knows, a married couple back in Scranton struggling with power and trust issues. This couple continues to maintain separate checking accounts a year after being married. They both work, but she is supposed to pay “her own” bills while he pays for the house he owned before they got married.

I said to Rob, I don’t ever want us to fight about that. And Rob said he had been thinking it was time for us to really combine everything: bills, family obligations, everything. That was kind of it: a quiet agreement, and hey, what else is on TV?

A few days later we sat down in our study with a few 3 x 5 index cards and wrote out (separately at first) our individual financial goals, both short-term and long-term. (This is a tip I got from Money magazine a few months ago). Then we compared notes, and found we had a lot of overlap. Short term: to pay off all the cars, student loans, and one remaining credit card in the next three years. Longer term: we both wanted some kind of vacation home, and to own our own business, say in the next ten years. On top of that we’d like to give significant financial help to my niece to get through college, starting in 5 years, and to both our sets of parents just to help them in their old age.

It was really good to find we had so much in common in terms of our future goals, and that we were both willing to budget and plan to make it happen. Well, Rob was willing for me to do the budgeting. So I pulled out the trusty Quicken software, and permanently added all of Rob’s assets, loans, and bills to the program. It now shows combined assets, combined debts, all our monthly bills, and a joined up net worth.

To be honest I still feel a little bit of trepidation. Having been on my own so long, it’s quite a change to now be in a partnership: what’s mine is his, what’s his is mine. I know it’s not legal or anything, although we can register for a civil partnership in NJ. The difference is really psychological and emotional. We have agreed to be responsible for each other, to provide for each other, and to make long term plans together. Here I am 37 years old and it’s the first time in my life I can say that.

Where can I get a ring?

Our Best of Queercents week continues with another post by Nina Smith.

Dana Rudolph publishes Mombian, a website for lesbian moms. Don’t worry; Mombian is not a “mommy blog” where she’s posting about what her adorable toddler did today. There’s none of that here. Instead Dana is online, typically twice a day, providing sustenance for moms that’s served up in a newsy, lifestyle format. She covers parenting and politics and everything in between including finances! I asked Dana for her perspective on money… as a parent, as a partner, as a child, and as a stay-at-home mom.

1. Mombian includes the practical side of parenting and one such resource is your frugal list of baby gear essentials. We all know that children cost a heck of a lot of money. Are they worth the expense?
   If I wanted to be flippant, I’d say “Ask me when my son turns 18.” In truth, though, I’ve known from before he was born that it’s not about the money. That’s not to say kids should be overindulged–just that they’re priceless.
2. What is your most significant memory about money?
   My parents often said “Let’s wait till the end of the month” when any of us wanted to buy something. We weren’t poor, but we were pretty much using up my dad’s paycheck every month to cover the necessities. At the end of the month, when he got paid, we might use a bit to cover a few extras. It taught me to be frugal and patient with my spending.
3. What is your worst habit around finances?
   My one big indulgence is books, and I tend to buy even when the library would suffice.
4. When you gave up a career at Merrill Lynch to stay at home with your three-year-old son what were some of the adjustments made in shifting to one income?
   I had to learn to rely on my partner for support without feeling guilty every time I wanted or needed to spend money. She had to learn not to let the pressure of being the sole provider get to her. As it happens, though, I had been the only breadwinner for a year just before and after she gave birth, then we switched. We’re thus better able to understand what the other is feeling about these issues. In terms of practical adjustments, we did cut back on some spending, like dining out, but we were pretty frugal in the first place. We’re also not able to put as much into pure savings now, though I know we’ll start doing so again when I go back to work.
5. Which is more important: how much you make or how you spend it?
   How you spend it. This says much more about one’s core values.
6. Do you and your partner see eye-to-eye on money?
   For the most part, yes, and that’s a big benefit to our relationship. We’re both savers, but not misers.
7. I read one article about your online venture that says “Mombian” keeps you from becoming “mombie”. How important is it for stay-at-home parents to keep one foot in the adult/work world?
   I think it’s very important. We don’t immediately lose all our outside interests when we become parents, and we need adult interaction to keep us balanced. None of our children would want to become parents themselves if they thought it meant giving up everything else in their lives. Non-parental interests force us to step back and not become smothering, obsessive parents. They can also help keep our skill sets sharp for going back to outside employment. One has to find the right balance of child/adult time for oneself and one’s family, though. There’s no single formula that works for everyone at every stage of parenthood.
8. If you could buy one thing right now what would it be?
   My partner and I are in the process of moving to a new state, so I’ll have to say a new home. If I was going to choose something frivolous just for myself, I’d get a KitchenAid stand mixer–the 575-watt kind that makes the lights dim when you turn it on. Cooking is my one claim to domesticity, and I’ve wanted a bad-ass mixer for a while.
9. What is the most important lesson you hope to teach your son about money?
   That it’s a means to an end, but not an end in itself.
10. Does money buy happiness?
    No - or at least not in and of itself. I’ll admit that money can sometimes facilitate the things in which one finds happiness - a home for one’s family, a nice dinner with one’s partner, or a new iPod for oneself, for example. We have to create the happiness from these things, though - it’s not just handed to us as part of the transaction.

More about Dana Rudolph

Dana Rudolph publishes Mombian, a lifestyle site for lesbian moms, offering a mix of parenting, politics, diversions, and resources to strengthen and sustain lesbian moms in all their varied roles. She lives with her partner of more than a dozen years and their three-year-old son. Prior to motherhood, she worked for over a decade in the online industry, at both the startup and corporate levels. Most recently, she was vice president at Merrill Lynch, developing marketing and business strategies for several key online initiatives. She was also the first leader of the firm’s global LGBT employee network.
Read other Queercents interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Our third blog in the Best of Queercents week is by Nina Smith.

About a year ago, I started reading an anonymous family finance blog called Tired but happy. At first, I thought it was written by a gay woman because she referred to her significant other using the word partner. I’m always wrong when I jump to conclusions. Over time, I learned that her partner was a man and they are raising a son together. I’ve always been fascinated by their decision not to marry so I recently asked if she would write a guest post about money and matrimony. These are her words…

Although we have been in a committed heterosexual relationship for over five years, my partner and I have chosen not to get married. For us, this is a choice. For many, marriage is not even an option. We object to marriage for many reasons.

I am uncomfortable with the religious overtones of marriage, and with the public spectacle and extravagance of most of today’s weddings. My partner objects to the state’s involvement in personal relationships, and feels that what should be basic human rights, such as access to health care, are awarded and withheld unfairly based on marital status.

We both feel that being “husband and wife” would make it harder to maintain our commitment to an anti-sexist family structure. And, for us, refusing to marry is a statement of solidarity with LGBT folks, who are denied the right to marry. We feel a responsibility to make this statement, although we can imagine circumstances (such as risking losing access to health care if one of us is terminally ill) that would override this.

This was not an easy decision, and it is a decision that we revisit regularly. At different times, we have both felt ambivalent about marriage, and doubted that we were taking the right approach. Our LGBT friends and family have also reacted in a variety of ways to our unmarried status. Some of our gay friends have said they don’t feel that it helps them for us to remain unmarried. Some have been happy that we’ve chosen to be allies in this way. One close friend, a biological woman in a relationship with a trans woman, told me that she didn’t think she could bring herself to be friends with a straight couple who was married, unless they were forced to marry to obtain citizenship.

In many ways, being a woman unmarried to my male partner is similar to being part of a same sex unmarried relationship. Legally and financially, we face many of the same challenges. But our situation is different, and I would argue that it is easier, in some key ways.

Here’s what we have in common with same sex couples.

Workplace partner benefits are a huge issue. Like many LGBT couples, our freedom to change jobs, and therefore our ability to grow in our careers, is severely limited by the ways some employers exclude us from necessary benefits like heath insurance. Ironically, my employer denies my partner health insurance because we’re a so-called straight couple. If we were same sex partners, he would be covered, but because he’s a man and I’m a woman, he’s not covered unless we’re married. On the other hand, three years ago we were fortunate that my partner’s employer changed its health insurance policy to include all unmarried couples, gay and straight.

Taxes are more complicated for us than for married couples. In our case, it actually benefits us at tax time to be unmarried. Because the IRS considers me a single mother, I qualify for many tax credits I wouldn’t be eligible for if we filed together.

We can’t afford to die. Since we’re unmarried, we don’t have that special exemption from inheritance taxes that married spouses have. That means if I kick the bucket, my grieving partner (who is also dealing with being suddenly a single father) will have to produce cancelled checks and other proofs to show that he paid for half of our house and related expenses. Otherwise, he’ll get taxed on the ENTIRE value of the house when I die. If he proves he paid for half of it, he has nine months to pay taxes on my half of the value. Oh, and all other money, including insurance payouts, that he inherits from me? He’s taxed on that too. Then there’s the fact that he wouldn’t be able to collect Social Security survivor benefits (although our son would get monthly checks until he’s 18). That’s why we own way more life insurance than a married couple with a similar income would need.

We can’t afford to break up. There are no divorce courts for unmarried partners. If we have an acrimonious breakup, all custody disputes related to our son are handled in family court. But if we need legal intervention to untangle other aspects of our relationship, we wouldn’t be in family court like our married-but-divorcing counterparts. We’d be in the regular courts, which are more expensive and take longer. Also, if we split up, we can’t simply sell the house and split the proceeds. The amount of money that could change hands between us would be limited by the cap on tax-free gifts, which is currently $12,000 annually. So I couldn’t write a check to my partner for more than $12,000 without getting slapped with a gift tax. It would be mighty hard to disentangle years of combined finances and assets without more than 12K changing hands in any given year.

But there are a few ways in which our situation is different from that of same sex couples.

We are not the targets of bigotry and hatred. My family might think I’m going to hell, and pity my son because he’s a “bastard”. My neighbors and friends might find our choices confusing, or even downright wrong. But I’m not receiving death threats. I can travel freely in the United States and abroad without fearing for my safety. The level of phobia and hatred toward LGBT folks far, far exceeds any of the disapproval and judgement we experience as a straight unmarried couple. With that said, here are the less significant ways our experiences differ from LGBT couples.

We both have equal rights as parents of our son. When our son was only hours old, we were given paperwork in the hospital with which to legally declare paternity. A slick brochure encouraged me to name my baby’s daddy, which studies had shown would help our child “stay in school and avoid crime”. A couple of signatures, and it was done. My son had two legal parents, and we had all the attending rights and responsibilities. There was no second-parent adoption necessary, no testimonials from friends and relatives to prove our fitness to become parents. It is getting easier for LGBT folks to become parents, but many, many people still struggle to have the right to raise children.

We could find ourselves married accidentally. We live in a common law state. If we don’t take measures to avoid fulfilling the criteria of common law spouses, we could wake up one day and find out that we’re legally married whether we like it or not.

We have the privilege of choosing whether to come out as unmarried. Unlike your average LGBT couple, we can pass for a traditional family if we choose to do so. That means we are constantly making the choice: In this situation, right now, am I going to exercise my privilege, and just let this person think we’re a “normal” straight, married couple with one child? Or am I going to take the opportunity to expose this person to the idea that there is something inherently unfair about the system of marriage?

At first, I almost always chose to confront people who assumed we were married or asked us when the big day was. “We’re not getting married until my mom and her [female] partner can get married,” I’d snarl. When I reacted too strongly, it was because I was taking out my anger at the whole system on folks who simply made the wrong assumption about my marital status.

These days, I don’t always have the energy to make a ruckus. And I’ve realized it’s not always the best strategy. I think it’s more constructive for people (especially people who haven’t been exposed to the idea of voluntarily abstaining from marriage) to see me as a happy person, a good parent, and a loving companion to my partner. If I’ve got a big chip on my shoulder, I’m not going to be able to instill a positive image of so-called alternative families. My goal is to plant seeds of doubt about the unequal, sexist, and heterosexist system of marriage, but that’s a slow, gradual process. Yelling isn’t going to make it happen any faster.

Luckily, there are a lot of resources out there for LGBT couples and unmarried straight couples. I lurk on the Alternatives to Marriage Project listserv. I recently read (and reviewed) Garrett and Neiman’s excellent book, Money without matrimony. I continue to think and write about being unmarried, and would welcome an ongoing dialog with readers about how unmarried straight allies of LGBT folks can work to change a system where marriage comes with a long list of privileges that are not available to everyone.

Best of Queercents week continues with a “guest blog” by Nina Smith.

“The most important thing about a family is that all the people in it love each other.”
- from Heather has Two Mommies

Queers around the nation heard the breaking news a couple of weeks ago about Mary Cheney’s pregnancy. John Aravosis had plenty to say about the topic. He writes, “They live in Virginia, where a new state constitutional amendment pretty much guarantees that Mary’s baby is screwed.”

“In November, Virginia voters passed a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and civil unions; state law is unclear on whether [Heather] Poe could have full legal rights as a parent of Cheney’s child.”

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but even he can’t make Heather Poe the legal parent in her state. This denies her a basic human right and will hurt her child. The American Academy of Pediatrics asserts, “Children who are born to or adopted by 1 member of a same-sex couple deserve the security of 2 legally recognized parents. Children deserve to know that their relationships with both of their parents are stable and legally recognized. This applies to all children, whether their parents are of the same or opposite sex.”

This is an issue that is top-of-mind these days as Jeanine and I proceed with the baby-making process. In my relationship with Jeanine, I’m the legal equivalent to Heather Poe. When we finally have our baby, I’ll have to ask the State of California to grant me a second-parent adoption. What is this?

HRC offers this explanation, “A second-parent adoption allows a second parent to adopt a child without the ‘first parent’ losing any parental rights. In this way, the child comes to have two legal parents: you and your partner. It also typically grants adoptive parents the same rights as biological parents in custody and visitation matters.”

“Where is it available? Eight states and the District of Columbia have approved second-parent adoption for lesbian and gay parents either by statute or state appellate court rulings, which means that it is granted in all counties statewide.”

These states include:

• California
• Connecticut
• Illinois
• Massachusetts
• New Jersey
• New York
• Pennsylvania
• Vermont

Virginia is missing from this list which is why it’s unlikely that Heather Poe will have any rights. Why should every state offer second-parent adoptions?

According to The Rainbow Babies, “Imagine that you and your partner decide to adopt a child, but only one of you can adopt her or him. Your partner becomes the legal parent. However, you begin to find that your lack of legal parental rights is a problem: you can’t pick the child up at daycare without a consent form, you can’t make medical decisions or even authorize life-saving medical treatments without an authorization form, and if you and your partner split up, you will have absolutely no legal right to custody or even visitation.”

“Even worse, if your partner should become incapacitated or die, you will have no legal rights to the child at all; despite the fact that you see yourself as the child’s parent, and he or she sees you as such, you will have no legal right to keep the child. Entire families have been torn apart for the lack of a second parent adoption.”

“Although many of these problems can be solved with the right paperwork - consent forms, authorization forms, custody agreements in case the parents split, and a will appointing the partner as the child’s legal guardian in the event that the legal parent dies - it takes a good deal of forethought and preparation.”

“A second-parent adoption removes the need for most of these precautions, as it gives both partners equal legal rights as the child’s parents. Should you and your partner split up, both of you have equal rights to custody and visitation; and should a medical emergency require it, both you and your partner will have equal right to make a decision regarding medical treatment for the child. Most importantly, second-parent adoption is better for your child, as it reduces the chances of losing one of his or her parents due to a legal loophole.”

I went searching online to find out what the paperwork will cost us and I couldn’t find anything. We will likely hire an attorney that practices family law to draw up the paperwork or we could probably save money by reading the book: Do Your Own California Adoption: Nolo’s Guide for Stepparents and Domestic Partners.

Although Heather Poe will not be granted a second-parent adoption, she has one other option for protection: a co-parenting agreement. This will enable her to consent to medical care for their child and it could also stipulate that they name each other as the child’s guardian in their wills. However, this stipulation is still not legally binding a court of law. If something happens to Mary, then Dick and Lynne could sue Heather for custody and probably win in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

We are so behind the rest of the world. In February 2006, France’s highest court ruled that both partners in a same-sex relationship can have parental rights over one partner’s biological child. Gay Paree respects Gay parents. When will we have the same rights nationwide in this country?

Family Pride is thrilled to partner with Queercents, bringing our readers a full week of Queercents “guest bloggers.” Due to the long weekend, we’re starting the week off early with a powerful posting by John Montesdeoca.

It’s a strange coincidence that I had to serve jury duty on Valentine’s Day. As I was sitting through the jury selection process, listening to people try to weasel their way out of their civic duty, I kept having this nagging annoyance of unspecified origin. I had never served on a jury before, and I was sort of excited to participate in the process despite the bad timing for me to be away from work. But something was upsetting me, and I couldn’t figure out what until the eighth or ninth potential juror gave background information about her spouse and children.

It became apparent that I was the only partnered gay person in the jury pool. I’m in a courtroom, looking at the American flag, a judge, a court reporter, attorneys, a defendant, the whole justice system in process, and I’m the only person in the room who cannot legally marry my partner because of our federal laws.

Although we haven’t made a formal commitment yet, Zac and I consider each other as family. The time for a ceremony will come at some point after Zac finishes graduate school, and when we figure out where we will call home. The reality before us is that we can’t settle down wherever we please. We are both working very hard to make a good life for each other, and thus we want our union to be met with the same legal privileges, protections and benefits extended to heterosexual couples.

It’s not a matter of “we want what they have” It’s a matter of dignity.

As a good citizen, I showed up for jury duty, and as it turns out, I will be a juror for a trial. However, I’m doing my civic duty for this country even though my country treats my relationship with Zac as separate and unequal to heterosexual relationships.

Zac dedicates much of his time to his work. He could easily be doing something else with his life and enjoying his youth instead of enduring a grueling Ph.D. program at Berkeley. However, he’s an incredibly smart and talented man, and he’s putting everything he has right now into what will be a rewarding career in the future.

I, on the other hand, work so much to save money for my dream of owning a business that when I left the jury assembly room to enjoy my free day from the office, I had no idea what to do because I hardly have any spare time anymore.

All that Zac and I work for, and all that we share as we build a life together, means nothing really in the eyes of the law because we are not a union of one man and one woman. If something were to happen to either one of us, we would be denied hospital visitation rights or family leave from work. When the time comes to deal with the issue of inheritance, we’d find that one of us would have to pay significant estate taxes, unlike married couples. There would also be up to 70% taxes and penalties on inherited retirement savings. We wouldn’t even be entitled to Social Security or pension plan benefits.

If my tone sounds a bit angry, it’s because I am. I cannot comprehend how LGBT couples are denied the right to marry when Section 1 of the 14th Amendment of our Constitution expressly states:

“All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

We don’t want to be restricted to the few states that allow civil unions, or to head to Massachusetts by default because that’s where we can get married. When Zac finishes school, he’ll get job offers that could end up relocating us anywhere. It’s not fair that Zac would have to turn down an amazing job just because we couldn’t have same-sex union protections in that state.

It’s not fair that we can’t even settle down near our respective families because as of now, New York and Michigan have no same-sex union protections.

Civil unions and Massachusetts may be the best we have right now, but how are they not separate and unequal? Zac and I can only move to a handful of states in this country, and this is what we call freedom! This is “equal protection of the laws”?

It was a beautiful Valentine’s Day that Zac and I had together nonetheless. I looked at him from across the dinner table and felt like the richest and happiest man in the world. In no way could I understand how our love could not be worthy of the title of marriage. I’d give up my life to protect this man from harm. Married people can make sure all they have worked for provides for the one they leave behind. With our federal laws, I can’t easily do that for Zac, nor can most LGBT couples. This is the truth I have to swallow and leave out of mind when I go back to serve on jury duty. I get to deliver justice to others when there’s none for me.

Equality Texas reports that State Representative Warren Chisum (R-Pampa) is setting the stage for another attack on LGBTQ-parented families. Chisum, who championed the Proposition 2 Marriage Amendment in 2005, has made an about-face on his statement saying that he would no longer “beat up on the homosexual community.” As the chair of the powerful House Appropriations Committee, Chisum is now floating the idea of a “preference system,” whereby married heterosexual couples are given preference over any other kind of family for adopting children. It seems like conservative legislators believe that “beating up on the homosexual community” is, in fact, the only way to keep themselves in office! But we know that isn’t true. In November 2006, the people showed their distaste for the politics of hate. Radical right politicians are scrambling to find even more nuanced ways to attack LGBTQ-parented families.

Now is the time to organize against the radical right agenda, in Texas and beyond. As conservative politicians continue to attack our families for political gain, we must stay prepared and be ready to show up and speak out when called upon.

Family Pride and Equality Texas are calling on our Texas families and allies to stand up this March 5 for Lobby Day 2007! Visit http://www.familypride.org/texas to find out more about Lobby Day and how you can help. Click below to hear from Family Pride Board Co-Chair and former Dallas resident Ken Manford on why Lobby Day is so important for our families.

The right is down but not out, and they will use our families to get back up if they think they can. We have to show Chisum and his colleagues that they represent all families, not just their ideological base. Sign up for Lobby Day, share your family story, and be heard for family equality!

This morning as I packed heart-shaped Valentine’s Day cookies for my four-year-old twins, I thought about what really matters to me - my family and the love we share. It saddens me to know that our love is under attack.

On Valentine’s Day, we’re inundated with messages of what our love “should be.” We are Hallmarked, Godiva’ed and 1-800-flower’ed to the point of nausea. But on a day that is supposed to celebrate the bonds of love, where are our families? Why aren’t lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer-parented families openly included in this celebration? Why can’t we even find a Hallmark eCard that accurately reflects the depth and breadth of love and family?

There are so many small things that we as parents can do to make the world a better place for our children. We can donate inclusive books to libraries, attend school board and PTA meetings and support the work of Family Pride.

For the price of a small box of chocolates or a few roses, you can help us make schools safe for your children. You can help us train parents to be advocates. You can help us distribute toolkits to local parents groups in your community.

Last week, we told you about an exciting opportunity to take part in Family Pride’s fundraising campaign through sixdegrees.org. Kevin Bacon will award a gift of $10,000 to the 6 organizations that get the highest number of donations.

If each of our members gives just $10, there is no doubt that we will secure $10,000 from Kevin Bacon. We need to solidify our leading position in this campaign. This donation will fund the next wave of OUTSpoken trainings across the country, arming families in your community to fight for equality.

It’s not about how much we raise-it’s about the total number of donations. That’s why we’re asking you to donate $10 now in honor of your family on Valentine’s Day. We need all of our members to participate in this amazing campaign.

I’ve made my donation for Tim, Tom and Cheryl. Will you make yours?

From my family to yours, Happy Valentine’s Day.

Best wishes,
Jennifer Chrisler
Executive Director