Family Pride’s Blog

Parents groups are the heart of Family Pride. They are formal and informal groups of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) parents, families and those considering parenthood who organize social, educational and advocacy-based activities for their families and their community. Some groups are quite large, and organize conferences, workshops, newsletters and websites. Some are smaller groups of families that meet monthly for potlucks and other child-friendly social opportunities. Most are volunteer-run, and serve to connect and strengthen our families.

People involved in parents groups may be formerly married, considering parenthood, pregnant, parenting and awaiting adoption or surrogate birth. We see families that are adoptive, foster, co-parented, step-parented, blended and extended. While many of our community’s parents have access to local parents groups, many more do not. We encourage local volunteers to start up and maintain groups, and we can help.

Family Pride helps to start and revitalize LGBTQ parents groups in rural, urban and suburban areas. We’ve developed a step-by-step guide to help new groups with defining goals and objectives. If you are interested in starting a parents group, we encourage you to complete this using feedback from as many families as you can. Family Pride can provide you with newsletters and resources for local parents. We will help you troubleshoot and support your efforts. All services are provided to LGBTQ parents groups free of charge. Call (202) 331-5015 or e-mail info@familypride.org with any questions. Download a step-by-step guide: starting a parents group.

Today my blood is really boiling. Rarely do I write for the Family Pride blog from my own perspective, but I am so angry I just can’t help myself. I don’t know how many of you have seen the story about a town in Illinois called Shiloh Village that is considering taking the book And Tango Makes Three off the shelves of their school library. Well, the story goes something like this:

And Tango Makes Three sits peacefully on the shelves of the school’s library. A mother checks it out. Mom is reading the book and gets to the line about the penguins being two daddies. Mom stops reading the book; she’s uncomfortable. She demands that the book be segregated and put into an “adult content” section of the library. Heated debate ensues: is Tango “appropriate” for young children to read?

I don’t know about you, but as the mother of twin 4½ year old boys, I’m sick to death of being told that stories mirroring my family are inappropriate. I’m tired of hearing that my partner and I being two moms is inappropriate. I’m tired of everywhere being invisible. And given that I’m a privileged parent, I can only imagine how hard these things are for those parents who don’t live in a predominantly white, upper middle-class, progressive, urban community in a city like Washington, DC.

I am lucky that my children go to a very welcoming school where their Pre-K teacher has taken the time to know my partner and me. He knows that Timmy and Tommy, my sons, call me Mommy and my partner Mom. I am lucky that my children’s school has a book Todd Parr’s The Family Book that showcases the multitudes of different families that exist. I am lucky that I can actually afford to buy books that do show my children a more diverse representation of what families are, instead of having to rely on already financially strapped local and school libraries to carry this literature. Because you can sure bet that the majority of libraries in this country do not carry books such as And Tango Makes Three.

This doesn’t even mean that local and school libraries intentionally exclude such books; part of the problem lies in the fact that, almost universally, books featuring parents have married moms and dads. And almost everywhere my partner and I go, strangers still ask us and our children whether “their parents” are sisters. Is there a connection? You bet there is!

So, what is so “inappropriate” about this book? That it tells the story of two penguins who find each other and fall in love? That it tells the story of two penguins who care for a forgotten, untended egg and hatch a baby penguin? That it shows the two penguins loving each other and their baby? No - the only thing people find inappropriate is that it’s two male penguins who are doing all of this.

The reality is that there are approximately 10 million children being raised in LGBTQ-headed households in this country. Those children should have the right to see their lives reflected back to them at home, in their communities and in their schools. The lives of LGBTQ parents and our children should be discussed whenever the issue of family comes up - because like it or not, we are families. We love each other, support each other, we make breakfast together, we take our kids to school, we make playdates and care for our aging parents. And like all loving families across this country we deserve to be recognized, respected, protected, and celebrated!

To those of you reading this who have the means to purchase books, I ask you to visit our e-store where you can buy a copy of And Tango Makes Three and other LGBTQ-inclusive books and donate them to libraries in your communities. If you can’t make a purchase right now, but have some books lying around your house, make a statement by giving them to your libraries, as well. However we do it, we need to fill this country’s schools and communities with positive portrayals of family diversity. We must be visible in order to have our families recognized, to claim the respect we know we deserve. In whatever way you can, take a stand today to combat ignorance, censorship, and fear. Our families - all people - deserve better.

Thank you for sharing in this moment of rage. As LGBTQ parents, there’s nothing more infuriating than the constant criticism that our families aren’t real.

Jennifer Chrisler
Executive Director of Family Pride

There is a deep and lasting interconnectedness between reproductive freedom and sexual freedom ideologically, socially and politically. Fundamentally, these freedoms are both about access to our own bodies and what we do with them.

In 1973 in the landmark Roe v Wade decision, it was established that the choice whether or not to procreate falls under a fundamental right of privacy guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution under the Liberty Clause of the 14th Amendment.

In 2003, this same right of privacy served as the precedent in the Lawrence v Texas decision which declared that same-sex relations between consenting adults shall no longer be
criminalized; government interference in our private sexual lives is unconstitutional. It is important to note that transgender individuals are not cited in the decision and it is unclear what impact, if any, the decision will have on transgender rights to privacy or reproductive choice.

Our families are families of choice, created through any array of biology, adoption and kinship. Governmental intervention in the reproductive lives of women and men limits not only their ability to make a choice about abortion; it also limits their access to safe and affordable reproductive assistance.

Choice begs the question, what is real access? Abortion and reproductive technology may be technically legal, but are often financially inaccessible. Varieties of safe reproductive services are
inaccessible to insured people, and are unaffordable and completely inaccessible to low income and uninsured people.

Roe v Wade is being attacked in the legislatures and courts. If it gets overturned Lawrence v Texas and all other rulings based on the Roe v Wade precedent will essentially be null and void. Thus, there is a deep and lasting interconnectedness between reproductive freedom and sexual freedom - a connection that we must not only value, but fight to protect.

For additional information, download the at a glance series: choice & our families.

Talking to our relatives - parents, cousins, grandparents, sisters, and brothers - isn’t always easy. But our extended families can be our most powerful allies, if they are armed with the right tools and information. Allies know inequality is wrong, so they stand up to it. Allies are prepared to say, “we are all part of a greater family community and when you hurt one family, you hurt us all.” Standing up for family equality is what makes an ally.

Our extended families are allies when they combat stereotypes, stand up against homophobia, vote, set a welcoming example (in schools, the community, and the workplace), and include and invite us.

Family Pride has compiled the at a glance series: our extended families as a more detailed tool for transforming relatives into allies. Download it. Print it out. And share it with family this holiday season.

Tuesday was a historic day for the LGBTQ community and especially for LGBTQ-headed families. As we write, Democrats have won back control of the House of Representatives and Senate. In addition, some of the most vocal and vitriolic anti-gay legislators were defeated – including Senator Rick Santorum, Senator Jim Talent, Representative Anne Northrup and Representative John Hostettler. And despite losing 7 of the constitutional amendments regarding marriage equality, we had an unprecedented win in Arizona where voters rejected, for the first time in this country, an anti-marriage amendment.

So what does all of this mean? It simply proves that the more we share our real stories and the real facts about our families, the more the American people move toward fairness and justice. It also shows that the politics of fear and anti-LGBTQ attacks are no longer an acceptable strategy to sway voters at the ballot box. Finally, these results require us to be even more committed to family equality and having the very personal conversations with those people in our lives who love us and our family. Only by engaging in these conversations, telling our friends, families, and neighbors how discrimination hurts us and our children, will we continue to change the tide in this country. Tuesday was just a first step to a more just and equal country for our families.

For a complete roundup of election results, please visit the Task Force summary.

Looking for someone to talk to? No one understands better than another LGBTQ parent, youth, or ally. For this reason, Family Pride unites LGBTQ parents and allies from all over the world through our online pen pal program. Children of LGBTQ parents (of all ages) are encouraged to participate in COLAGE’s pen pal program.

Our pen pal program is overwhelmingly popular with our families - we are busy matching up pen pals as we speak. To apply for a pen pal, visit www.familypride.org/penpal.html. You will hear from us once an appropriate match has been made.

Incorporating advocacy into our daily lives is essential to winning the fight for family equality; as such, Family Pride is committed to bringing you information that is easy-to-follow and doable.

With this commitment in mind, we know the importance of reaching out to other families and building community at the local level. One of the most popular sections of our website has been our growing parents group listing (at www.familypride.org/inyourarea.html). Family Pride is here to connect our families with parents groups, and to provide the resources and information that these groups need.

Family Pride will be expanding our parents group listing into the “Parents Group Corner.” The Parents Group Corner will provide easier access to our resources, publications and tools in one place. It will even have a message board for online discussions! Our Parents Group Corner will be the one stop shop for your local community buildings needs.

It is important that our parents group listing is up to date–if you are a member of a group, please visit www.familypride.org/inyourarea.html and submit your parents group profile.

As always, we look forward to hearing your feedback and suggestions as we move forward with this project!

After meeting so many great people at Act OUT: the National Family Conference, we were reminded of the need to communicate with our supporters and constituents in an informal, interactive way. As such, we are thrilled to launch the Family Pride blog.

The purpose of this blog is three-fold. First, it is a means of communication to connect us with you, and you with each other. Second, our blog will keep you informed about the life of Family Pride–what we’re doing, where we’re going, and how we’re making change, sharing information, and building community. Third, this blog will enable us to share our reactions to news events and the movement at large.

Family Pride is your national voice for equality–so be involved with this blog. Our blog is your blog. We encourage you to reply to postings and let us know how you feel. This is your movement. Help us shape it.